Thursday, September 01, 2005

i miss my sister soooo much...


Irene Magdalene (Maggie)
Deenie announced her engagement today. Well, it isn’t as if I didn’t see it coming or as if I didn’t know about it. Besides her and Michael, I was the only person outside their relationship who knew before today. It’s just so surreal. My sister and my childhood buddy. We were always a threesome, the ‘3 stooges’ our mothers called us. But, now, looks like ‘three’s a crowd’. But the irony was that I was losing my baby sister. No more late night chatters, petty squabbles or mischievous hanky-panky’s! I just hope she’ll always keep me in her thoughts and treasure the fun times we had as much as I do…

Julia Geraldine (Deenie)
Julia Geraldine Lee
Mrs. Julia Geraldine Lee
Mrs. Michael Lee

I can’t believe it. Only a month to go and I’ll be Mrs. Michael Lee. Hey, I don’t even have to change my initials! My dress is ready, and I had my first run through the beautiful white embroidered China silk. The skirting is elegant. The lace is so fine and the train is at the perfect length. Michael loves it. He says the colour brings out my ivory skin. I just hope everything turns out fine on D Day. Ma and Maggie helped me pick my wedding bouquet today. I can hardly wait.

Only one more week until I lose my sister. I know, I know, I sound cranky, but I just can’t help it. Deenie’s dress was just amazingly beautiful, and as I helped her pick the flowers, the childhood dreams we shared seemed to be coming true. Why does Deenie, he younger one get to go first? Is that really my problem or am I just afraid of being left alone? Throughout the entire period of preparation, I put on a cheerful face but deep down I was crying for the sister I had not even lost yet… the Lambert Sisters would soon be the Lambert Sister!

It’s 12 midnight. My palms are sweaty. There are millions of butterflies in my stomach. I can’t hardly think straight. I’m GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! Okay, I’m crazy! Calm down, Deenie. It’s nothing to be worried about. I’ve been trying to sleep for hours. Maggie dozed off, after failing to calm me down. Well, this will be the last night I’ll go to sleep as Deenie Lambert. I’d better get some sleep, or I’ll have bags under my eyes on my wedding day. Maybe I should count sheep. Okay, I’m cracking up. Who wouldn’t? I’m sure Michael is still awake now. He’s probably worse than me. Well, there goes Maggie, snoring away. How can she be so calm? I keep imagining myself tripping over my train or saying the wrong vows. Argh!! I just hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow. Ma said everything would be fine. Well, I hope she’s right. Good night, Deenie Lambert!

Deenie looks simply radiant today. Michael doesn’t look too bad himself. Well, they do, indeed, make a perfect couple. As I preceded her down the aisle, reenacting the plays we practised as kids, all our fond memories flashed through my mind, and a solitary, silent tear trickled down my cheek, bringing with it all the the emotions I had welled up inside during all the days leading up to the wedding. I could feel my eyes water again, not with tears of sadness, but of joy. As Deenie recited her vows, she glanced at me, as if looking for reassurance. I smiled at her through my tears, in a feeble attempt to hide them, and for the first time, sincerely felt happy for my sister.

Yes, Ma was correct. Everything turned out just fine. My dress is perfect and I have my husband beside me, looking adorable in his white tuxedo. Wait a minute, did I just say ‘my husband’? Yes, Michael, my HUSBAND. Anyway, everyone looks so cheerful. The weirdest thing was that as I said my wedding vows, I glanced at Maggie, and I could have sworn I saw tears welling up in her eyes. At that moment, I suddenly realised that I would miss my sister the most. I’d miss being a part of the Lambert Sisters! As I glanced at Maggie, she looked at me with those concerned eyes. I smiled and she softened up. Sigh. Maggie will always be Maggie. Looking out for me and worrying about me have always been second nature for her. As I look at her, I see the same Maggie I saw when I was four. The Maggie who laughed when I fell and who scolded me when I cried. In he eyes I saw my Maggie who always tried to help when I didn’t ask and who put her nose in my strictly personal love-life. The busybody and Ms Know-It-All… my Maggie…

I was sincerely enjoying myself, this is, after all my sister’s Big Day. The sadness I felt was now lifted as if a dark cloud that obstructed my view had cleared. I just hope everything would turn out fine for Deenie. Wait, why is she looking at me? Is something wrong? Phew, she smiled. Nothing’s wrong. Trust Deenie to always get me worried. It’s just the spontaneity with which she rushes into scrapes, expecting me to always look out for her, that worries me. Ever since we were young, I was always getting her out of trouble. Like the tiime she fell off her bike and when she cried too much, whining away incessantly… Deenie… Deenie. But then, if she was any different, she wouldn’t be my Deenie, and married or not, that, she’ll always be…

Sarah-Jane Khong & Grace Corrine Khong. (2001)

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