HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

DON'T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS,
BUT I LIKE HIM!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life; is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many
beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's
like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to
live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat
more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also
a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can
give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat
ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you
have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two
to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are
fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a
muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa
beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your
figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for
my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a
journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and screaming "WOO
HOO, What a Ride!"