i love everything Disney!!!

every year, my sister's birthday comes on March 18th and then i'll start the countdown for my own birthday and for about three weeks, we'd be the same age! :-) (always feel an extra special closeness fo gracie around this time of the year).
so since today's the 25th, i've been anticipating my birthday for quite a few days already, i'd whine about growing old to everyone who'd listen, half serious, until, as it does every year, it dawns unto me that my birthday is actually really really coming...

this year, i found out about Disney on Ice in Dublin on my birthday and i was really hyped out about dragging all my too-sweet-to-say-no, and darling-to-the-point-of-wanting-to-please-me, friends to the Point Theatre. then since they're only showing little mermaid, peter pan, lilo and stitch(i didnt even watch this!!) and one other cartoon, none of my favourites: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty & the Beast (gosh, with the emphasis on beauty, is it any wonder that girls grow up obsessed about looking pretty and being all vain???), i'm not very keen myself. i just hope the weather warms up enough to have a pleasant day.

then the moment of truth for 2006 hit me! i was browsing through friendster, in one account, when i saw the birthday alert for my other account! my heart starting racing, i started hyperventilating, the whole sympathetic rxn works! i just had to come here to vent, as im not really sure which of my friends are up at this hour on a saturday morning... but i'll be 22 in less than two weeks... the horrors!!! 22... that's old... really really old.. 21 is just nice and rebellious and ppl expect you to be irresponsible. 22 hails only responsibility and disappointment if u fail to deliver. back in school, some used to say i was matured far beyond my age. i think after i left school, in an attempt to regain my youth, i became way too girly girl and immatured and childish to make up for the lost years. i really feel so inept to face the world, so lost. i don't think i know who i am either, or what makes me happy. it was a pickle to figure out something i wanna do for my birthday, cause i don't even know what will make me smile (and i mean really smile from the bottom of my heart...). perhaps,im not childish, just a bit jaded by what i had to endure the past two years... i've had more drama in the past two years than i have in the 5 years i was in high school. i'm sure there were a significant amount of tribulations back in school, but the face that i only remember the fun and sweet memories, harbours a hope that i might emerge from this cloud, only slightly scarred but otherwise happy...
bottom line is, im not ready. so if anyone has a way of freezing time and delaying the onset of my birthday, can a little more time for reflection be my birthday gift...? i think that's really all i want...


i know the answer is God. i know i have to let Him take over my life before i'm able to fully and truly be happy. but i feel it's so much easier said than done...