Life's Sugar & Spice

instead of facebooking...

2010-08-07T15:53:00.002+08:00

there are many moments in life, when i'd stop and think of a nice way to publish it as my facebook status... but i'd stop myself and say 'who cares... like really who really cares..."
then i remember my blog...

:-) so i'm back...
things in the last two wks have really stressed me out so badly... a big bullying MO who really just fancies himself... colleagues who are so demanding, who actually wont really bother me, but now that i'm HO rep, it has become my problem... work... and of course to top it off, the ultimate envy...

i envy a lot of ppl for the way their life unfolded... i try to tell myself to be thankful for what i have... but honestly, i think anyone in my shoes would feel the same way... i see ppl find love and set off to a gorgeous land far far away to seek their fortune, sow seeds for a bountiful future harvest, and to try their luck at happiness together... and i can't help but envy them...
i am stuck in Klang, away from my home, my family... the boy is even further away... and i can't say i'm enjoying work... some superiors are encouraging, but some just make you wanna throw in the towel and walk off. and yet, i'm supposed to be thankful?how?

i tell myself this is what i've always prayer to God to please it be His will too..for me to be a doctor whose noble profession 'helps others'... yet this job is chipping away at my compassion, some days at an alarming rate that i feel inhumane.

i fear i've journeyed too far away from knowing who i am, what i want, and just what i am about. and envy is such a simple, easy emotion to indulge in...

20th april

2010-04-20T20:36:00.002+08:00

next month, would be the last forthnight of my medical posting (provided i dont do anything stupid to get extended)... and i'm gonna be take 7 days leave! though my dept only allows a max of 3 days at one go...:-) really looking forward to it, since the start of my medical posting i've gone to work the latest 6.50am for the past 3+ months, except for ONE miserable monday that i took off!

but the bf needs to ruin it. it isn't my fault that im only allowed a max of 3 days at one go. it isnt my fault that i don't get weekends off like HOs is taiping hospital. we're already in a LDR. that's something i don't believe in, yet i find myself in one...

today was really tiring... tilaga and i wanted a relaxed cubicle. i had just finished hectic g3 where i looked after 6-8 nephro patients and 9-10 dengue patients, clerk new dengue cases, do TDS reviews, run and set lines for other ppl's patients... then i came back to 7b only to take Acute cubicle... this time we took the first cubicle.. :-) but we had to retake a few patients' blood, then i get called to follow rounds in Acute cause the houseman in charge went missing... the specialist actually said 'thank you sarah' after that, so i felt extra gracious and took the ABG an bloods for one patient after getting an urgent USG doppler for that patient. my own cubicle's rounds ended at one... rushed to take bloods, fill in consent forms, OT lists, then rush for lunch (rather two rolls of mentos and a glass of iced tea!). only to get called by the ward, that a nephro MO wanted me to trace the results of a nephro patient who was admitted at 10am. thankfully i had already traced it. got consent for IJC insertion from her, before being called to the INR clinic, cause i've done it previously, i drag nora with me. and that finishes at 4. i had 4 discharges, and tila helped me settle their prescriptions but the summaries were still mine. i settled that, and then two news cases came in at around 5.20 and as everyone else disappeared or hid in the corner, doing discharges, i had to clerk them both! i left at 6.10. oh and i wanted a relaxing week...

let's bring some life back to this blog...

2010-04-20T02:59:00.002+08:00

ok, so it has been ages...
i've started working life for 6 months and in that span of time, i've:

a. met a nasty accident on the MRRR involving a post call HO who fell asleep on the wheel, a huge truck, 20 stitches and scars that are gonna last a lifetime

b. i've done the dreaded calls but seriously believe i age 5 years with each call i do, esp in medical. an again, there are scars that are gonna last a lifetime

c. have put on 3 kgs since med school, so clothes don't fit as well, but at the end of the each day, food is how i drown my sorrow...

d. have met a whole bunch of new people, many in here as comrades (friends for a REASON: we need to get thru HOship, or perhaps SEASON, my friends in Medical differ from those in Paeds, but i really dunno if any are gonna last a lifetime

e. lives alone in Klang, to be able to have time to sleep, but is really losing out on life...

I've completed my first posting in Paeds, and currently have less than a month left to go in Medical... :-) so how that's that.
so how have u been?

Chronicles of Baby Ju's journey

2009-08-13T17:08:00.008+08:00

Pre-Juliette

:-) We chose baby J on a Friday, the 7th of AUgust 2009. We went to Poochie Poochie (ehehe) in Puchong and met Anne, whose poodle was 'raped' by a west highland terrier, giving Baby Juliette and her brother. There were 3 other female brown poodles with the siblings in their play pen. WHen i walked into the shop, baby J came to me but i didntknow it was her at the moment, so i just played with the nearest puppy, and turns out it was our puppy! there were also 3 retrievers but they grow waaaaay too big to be a house dog... She had a vaccination on Saturday, so we decided to leave her for a day for Anne to watch for a fever.

Day One
We collected her on Sunday... SHe was such a good girl, she slept the whole trip home,and i had read abt how puppies would get antsy on the way home, how we need to soothe them etc. but she just slept! :-) We were told to immediately put her on newspapers to pee the moment we arrived home, and she peed on the newspaper! the clever girl!

but that night... she cried and cried, almost thru the night. i was up to rush downstairs to check out why she was crying until 2 am, then dan and mom were woken up.

Day Two
I woke up at 7 to bring her outside to eat and poo, she ate like normal and did her business like a good girl... She let me clean her teeth, her ears. and she has gotten used to being whisked into the bathroom to wash bum and paws whenever she poos! :-)
But she started yelping once mummy woke up. Mum was very tired. and so was Juliette! she slept almost thru the day! :-) she's such a darling. She walked around a bit while we did chores.. :-) short busybody!Then we brought her to the vet.
But she didnt eat anything anymore. at night we were worried and tried to feed her some dog biscuits instead, she took some but still had no appetite! i began to really worry abt Baby J.

I didn't know if Mummy would keep her at this rate...i put a ticking clock by her play pen,hoping against hope that it'd work this time... it was too late, i love her too much to lose her!

Day Three
I woke up and rushed down to see if she was ok. i pacified her a bit then rushed upstairs for mum to officially wake up and put Juliette's stuff into MUm's routine. i was anxious to find out if she woke anyone up during the night, cause i sleep like a log, i can't hear ANYTHING!

Turns out she didnt make any noise! tried getting her used to the harness, cleaned her teeth and ears and mummy combs her... i tried the ouch method to get her to now nibble me, and she stopped immediately, only to climb my hands, and lick me! awwwww
SHe has a temper too, dan was playing with her using her towel, but when she couldnt reach it, she barked at him, and when he gave her her towel, she took it and walked off! hehe She loves her teddy too, sleeping with her head on teddy a lot! Thankfully, she ate today...

Day Four

Baby J keep quiet throughout the night!! yay! but she vomited a bit, mum thinks it is from the bone mum gave daddy to give her when daddy leaves in the morning, cause she gets restless whenever the keys jingle and we open the door!
i put her outside to eat and pee while mummy cleaned her indoor play pen. Then we decided to bathe her! she climbed all over me and i was wetter than her at the end of the bath! hehe After her bath, she played with a dry towel mummy gave her and she was dry in no time! :-) she slept with her head on teddy and even when i put her purple towel over her body, she didnt move! :-)
Then mummy wanted to see Mi, and we packed Baby J, in the car. she slept in the crate, which i left open but she went into it on her own! She responds to 'Ju-ju' and she absolutely loves to pose. usually she'll go towards and try to bite anything she sees,except for the camera, she will just hold her pose for a few seconds! Whenever mummy navigates corners, she'd get thrown around her crate.. hehe yet she won't whine or yelp! such a darling! in Mi's hse, mi and papa let her wander around, like how typical grandparents ar... She went to pee in Mi's bathroom immediately upon arrival. then she wandered around! :-) managed to catch her poo cause she went just near a newspaper but not quite on it.She went towards ben to play with him but he seems really scared of her, he'd run away and she'd just chase him! :-)
She slept on the way home too :-) she's a really easy travel companion!

Baby J is in the hospital... Please get well and come home soon, pretty girl.. Mummy, Daddy, Che che sarah, Kor kor even che gracie miss u so much... and love u too!!

Juliette

2009-08-09T23:27:00.001+08:00

Che-che Sarah's Baby J

First we went to church...

2009-07-13T11:22:00.004+08:00

Mummy prayed...

Dan and i posed...

Then Dan slept...

Daddy slept, and Mummy texted...

Then we came home, Mummy's turn to pose...

Then we played Little Big Planet!!

My saturday

2009-07-12T13:57:00.002+08:00

Han left for hokkaido today...
but b4 that, we headed to sunway for steamboat. as we were early, we decided to try this new steamboat place.. it's 30 bucks per person, but for the month of july there's a buy 1 free 1 promotion.. it was really worth it, there was salmon, cod fish, fresh oysters and australian beef. on top of the usual steamboat fare...
have a safe trip, darling...

More shopping and cooking

2009-07-10T22:21:00.001+08:00

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Enjoying my break...

2009-07-09T21:52:00.001+08:00

:-) i've been feasting on salmon,cornflakes, guilinggao, multiply tubs of yoghurt daily, and i think slowly putting on weight... :-)

2009 Graduation Ball

2009-07-07T11:31:00.001+08:00

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2009 Final Med Post Exam

2009-07-07T11:24:00.001+08:00

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Results...

2009-07-07T09:19:00.000+08:00

we were supposed to get our results the Sat after our final paper on Fri, but were told to wait till Monday, well another one and a half day to live, albeit barely breathing... Mum and Dad and Dan came up to Penang, expecting to be relaxing with me for the weekend, but i was so tense and edgy i wasn't much company...

Then monday morning i waited and waited clicked and refreshed the page umpteen times..Mum accidentally pulled out the room key which supplies electricity, so i get logged out and was unable to log in again 30 mins b4 check out time.. with no sign of the results. we had that day and the next day between 9-12 to collect our graduation robes if we passed, but no one had any idea, even at 12 on the first day of gown collection...

so we checked out and went to lunch,mum and dad decided to stay an extra night to await my results and collect my robes if it was a reality and possible...

at New World Park, Han told me to call Trudy for my results... she told me i passed with Honours. i had gotten 2nd class for Surgery and whooooopppppeeeeedddooooo a First Class for Medicine!! i passed GP with a 2nd class too! i was elated! i double-checked with Trudy that i had really passed, and she assured me i did well... :-)

this year there were 20+ of our classmates who were not graduating, only 102 of 124 were graduating... compared to only 5 from our senior batch who failed... i don't know if we're a dumber batch as a whole, or they changed THAT much of our syllabus... or if the exam was that much harder, but a lot of ppl we presumed would get thru, didn't... as well as some unexpected ppl getting thru as well... Luck definitely played a huge part in this Final exams.. and i couldnt thank God more...

exams

2009-07-03T12:01:00.002+08:00

Exams…
2 weeks of study break- during which we not only needed to cover all there was to know abt Medicine and Surgery, we had Family Medicine as well. It didn’t contribute to our final grade (only Med, Surgery, Obs and Gynae, Psych and Paeds), but it was barring i.e. failing this paper would mean I won’t graduate, regardless of how well I did in med and surg! And all this while I shrugged family med aside, how hard can it be to pass a GP paper right??
The 1st of the study break(18/6), during which all wards were open to all 126 of us, han and I headed to the surgical ward because Mondays were when most patients would be warded to await elective surgery- hernias especially- it was such a scary field, but Mr Lam ran through two hernia examinations with Han and I, spontaneously early one morning, and that made the monster more human. Surprisingly, the wards weren’t swamped. Most were probably preparing for the Written components that would take up our First week (June 1st – 5th) followed by a one week study break for our clinicals, then the clinicals in the 3rd week that would make up 50% of each subject. We had to pass all components, as in pass written, pass clinicals, then only was our grade determined.
By this time, my gastritis was really acting up. I had irritable bowel with colicky pain one day at the epigastric region, the next, suprapubic… and my stomach tolerated so little, I had to resort to downing bottles of honey instead of proper meals!

June 1st Surgery- we had the essay part at 9-11, then MCQ, MEQ between 2-4pm
We had only 2/10 questions on general surgery, 1 on urology,1 on vascular (our incoming professor was a superb vascular surgeon, thus the emphasis), 3 on miscellanous which included specialty surgery- neurosurgery and plastic surgery which I didn’t study, trauma etc, and 3 on ortho (my ortho rotation was spent relaxing, the gravity of the rotation didn’t reach me at that point, plus it was not an easy topic to teach). They asked Colles fracture I think. I prepared by formulating a scheme I was gonna apply to any fractures they asked, and I prayed they wouldn’t ask anything on bone tumors or osteochondritis… the papers became progressively harder, with the MEQ comprising questions on chest pain, which really was a Medicine question. With this day done, we had one day to prepare for medicine…

June 3rd I was particularly afraid of this paper. We had 5 questions in the essay- Pathophysiology of Dengue Fever, Pernicious Anaemia (which is so rare here that I just briefly flicked thru it, half asleep), a drug interaction question with 3 scenarios, and two questions to save us – management of COPD and a question on stroke… sigh… then there was the MEQs where we had to complete each page within 5-7 mins, then place it on the floor, face down, and recall information from previous sheets of paper in the current page, without referring to the papers on the floor! The case unravels and progresses with each paper. And while last year’s batch had a nice pneumonia and pneumothorax, we had renal failure. Yucks! It is such a dry subject, and I never counted it as one of the main topics, the mains being respiratory, cardiovascular, neurology… then the MCQs were a killer. I’ve never circled that many questions to go back and check!

June 5th We had our family medicine papers today… we completed part the OSCE at the end of our respective rotations then today, Friday, we had to complete a written component, and a slideshow OSCE. The OSCE was first, it comprised 10 main questions with stems. There were 3-4 dermatology questions, with one question on causes of red eye. It was really ridiculous… then the written had abt 25 pages! With at least 60% from Paediatrics and OBG and psych. It really boggles me why they decided to separate GP from POP (paeds, obg, psych) and put it in final year.

We had a one week break, but we were informed that the surgical ward was off-limits to us beginning Tuesday. We had to back in college on Tue 10am too, to await any borderline orals (if the committee cant decide if they should bump your 47 to a passing 50, or a normal pass of 57 to an honours 60, etc. Han and I went into the surgical ward at 7am on Monday, we examined a guy with bilateral hernia, a few peripheral vascular disease, and we hung around there till abt 8.30, before moving on to medical wards. Then we got news that one of the surgeons freaked out at how many students were in the surgical wards, and got us barred from the wards effective immediately! Whoa, that was scary, considering the fact that the ward wasn’t that full to begin with, some decided to make the trip to Seberang Jaya hospital, and Taiping Hospital, quite a distance from the island. But we decided to make do with PGH, and we went to the hospital 3 out of the 5 weekdays, and used the rest to study… the pressure was mounting… the following week had us sitting for our Surgical Long Case on Monday (40 mins with the patient,20 mins with the examiner), Surgical OSCE on Tuesday, await our Surgical viva on Wednesday, then Medicine Long Case and OSCE both on either Thursday or Friday, I had mine on Friday thankfully, and in Seberang Jaya.

Surgical Long Case-I was praying to NOT get an ortho case, cause I only found out 3 days before that we could get an ortho case (and Vikki did indeed get one!), I was hoping to get a breast lump, thyroid goitre, but not the ever popular (it makes us 90%of cases!) lower limb- varicose veins and arterial disease. I did a pirouette and a little dance when I got what looked like a thyroid case, the patient spoke English pretty well, but wasn’t very knowledgeable abt her condition, and my examiners were a Prof of Surgery from UM, and some say the Chief Surgeon of Malaysia! Plus I started 10-15 mins late, but my junior-who-was-ushering was not of much help. I still had to be examined at the stipulated time, which meant I only had 25-30 mins with my patient! My usher had to be asked 3 times to let me know how much time I had left! I’ve heard of how ushers in the previous years used to slip the diagnosis to us final meds, and I’m not expecting that from my usher, but ur supposed to be facilitating my exam condition, not acting so stressed and stressing us out even more! Anyways, my examiners grilled me on my history, then they didn’t ask me to present my physical findings but asked me to examine my patient in front of them, and lo and behold, it revealed a thyroglossal cyst! I felt it was went just ok, some of the others had simply goitres, peripheral vascular diseases, breast lumps but others had the rare-in-this-region Ulcerative colitis, lymphoedema (which comprises all of 2 pages in our textbook), weird dysphagia, and some had the RCSI prof of surgery, who’s notorious for failing ppl, and he did, at least 3!
Surgical OSCE went pretty well, except for the thyroid station- the examiner was my long case examiner-so kedekut markah, and the ortho station, we were just told to examine step by step and some ppl got the cruciate ligament tear, I didn’t get that far. But the hernia went pretty well (thanks to Mr Lam’s teaching) – Mr Kingston examined-the hernia was huge, I was surprised it was reducible!, and the abdomen has a huge splenomegaly, and Prof Kevin’s station was an arterial disease patient. We were in PMC, but while those in PGH got the same cases, their examiners were pretty scary.
We got the news that 7 ppl failed-with no hope of being saved, and 7 ppl went for viva-out of which only 2 were saved. So that was 12 ppl who weren’t graduating!

Medicine- I was hoping to get a simple asthma, or acute coronary syndrome, or heart failure, or diabetes. So I was concentrating one those major topics, after all common things are common. I saw the rheumatology part, but I had too much to cover, so I skipped it. We had to prepare for osce too, so short cases as well- spot diagnosis- rheumatoid hands, malar rash, scleroderma, then neurology resp, cardio and abdomen all had a station each-so thalassaemia… thankfully I had Thursday to study, dunno how I would have done it otherwise. Friday morning I went to church as I had done quite a few times throughout the exam.. only God could calm my nerves. I was afraid of getting a weird long case, and not being able to say anything at all! We had 1 hr with the patient and 20 mins with the examiners. I got a rheumatoid arthritis case, of all cases!! But I got Dr Yeow- who’s one of the classiest and nicest physician in PMC and an external examiner. Dr yeow wanted me to give SLE as a differential but she lead me to it, and questioned me on it. The examination of hands was so patchy in my head. After all most of the time we did spot diagnosis, not much on test of function etc. sigh… but the osce was ok… I started off with neurology with Prof Richard- the guy had a homonymous hemianopia (luckily zaza told me the day b4, I was expecting only facial nerva palsy, bulbar and pseudobulbar, then parkinson’s, cerebellar the basics;-)), but they put another patient in that 7 min station, a polio patient!! Since the mass vaccination of babies, polio was such a rarity… but Prof Richard as usual made it a pleasant experience. Then I moved to spot diagnosis, initially I missed the first patient’s thyroid goitre, but Dr Ang of SJH wanted pretty specific answers, and the next was a lady with RA, he also prodded till he got the answers he wanted, the invigilators told me I did a good job, but in that state, how to believe anyone? I’d lose focus. The next station was cardio… I was afraid of this, so I practised a lot… I expected to do a running commentary, it is pretty hard to garner marks if we only present at the end, we might run out of time and not get any marks at all! But he told me to proceed, while he stood by the door chatting with one doctor… sigh… I heard two murmurs but had trouble placing those two murmurs… we always had single murmurs and thus we prepared for it… then I had to go stand in front of the examiner, at the door and he asked ‘what’s your diagnosis’… I panicked but just threw Aortic regurgitation to him. He seemed happy, then I mentioned an Austin Flint murmur, but I think with the fan blowing at him he didn’t hear. He was nagging me too, I later learnt he nagged everyone! Ehhe but later when he continued to question me, he said I was doing well, and to relax. I took a while to mention Austin flint again, cause I didn’t know he didn’t hear me, and I didn’t wanna anger him more by repeating myself and sounding stupid… but that was really one of the weirdest examiner… hehe the respiratory case was C-R-A-Z-Y! I had to examine the front of his chest, when I’m used to zero-ing on the back, thus I kept mixing up my rights and lefts, and I’ve always thought ppl who did that was pretty dense! But I think I did ok cause I detected the hyperresonance of the left side due to overcompensation cause his right lung was missing! The scary examiner showed me an X-Ray with a missing right lung, which I was only able to pick up as I was walking away.. hehe really one of those ‘look at the big picture moments!
My very final station was with Dr Letch from Taiping, who is the nicest head of department ever…. He’s so humble and kind. But he was pretty serious in the exam… I had a patient with many signs of chronic liver disease! With spider naevi and all!
I emerged from that exam feeling pretty shaken, but I learnt that compared to the rest, I did quite ok, I got to x-ray, got the mean cardiologist’s praise,…
And I was done with final exams!!!

Final Med

2009-06-26T08:55:00.001+08:00

It was 7 years since the fateful SPM results that allowed me to embark upon this journey I call ‘life’ today. One signature sealed my fate, and I saw myself being dragged to the pits of INTEC with its dingy toilets, mouldy mattresses, and even a midnight robbery, to be whisked off to the romantic streets of Dublin, with its 30min Catholic masses, oh-so-gorgeous Jesuit priests, Swiss guards of the Vatican, and the cheeky-grey-eyed violinist on Grafton street!
It’s been 2.5 yrs since I’ve returned to Penang, and Penang’s grown on me.
I started off 2009 with a slow trot, easing into the year that I’ve long awaited, envying my friends who have already graduated, knowing that I’m at the very last leg, but boy was it gonna be a super duper mountaineous hurdle to jump… with every chance in the world to tumble and fall flat on my face.
Momentum was gained when I stepped into Surgery from GP, the surgeons were very inspiring (particularly this one whose dedication and sacrifice for his passion spurred me,and I only hope I can have even half his zeal- well I found him dangerously attractive too! ). I was in the wards at 6.15 am, and most days ended at 4pm, sometimes 5 and a few times at 6! But it was exhilarating! Eager teachers had to be met with enthusiasm… yet, I couldn’t quite muster up the knowledge I wanted to have in my head, despite the hours I clocked in. sure, I knew some answers to some lecturer’s questions, but there were some I didn’t have a clue abt, even at the end of our 6 week rotation. I was at ill-ease, but I had no choice, I had to pick up with pace, cause time and tide waits for no man, and Medicine was here!

There were 2 complications at this point:

a. the mere thought of sheer workload of medicine was enough to knock the wind out of me… there was nephrology, neurology, cardiology, each of which we had a week’s rotation in Penang GH, then one week for infectious disease, haematology (like thalassaemia, leukaemia, etc) and rheumatology (like rheumatoid arthritis, SLE), but the first 2 weeks was in Taiping GH, where we were supposed to cover Respiratory medicine, endocrinology- this meant we would be missing out on teachings by our Prof of Medicine who was a genius in respiratory medicine and our dean, who was the go-to-man for endocrinology! We ended up covering a lot of cardiology though we had a designated week for cardio on the 6th week. Being in a foreign place was not easy, studying in the hotel room. Then there was the issue on which book to use. Personally, I like to employ one book, as a basic skeleton, cover that, and then add the pomp and grandeur to that. I didn’t have a core text I used in 3rd year, some ppl advised to use Oxford Clinical Handbook, others Baby kumar and clark, but I was one who needed the basics clearly outlined for me before delving into the fundamentals of each disease- I was too afraid of being quizzed on diseases that I neglected to study. So by the end of 6 weeks, I had jumped from book to book, and I had my thoughts all jumbled up as well. It was strewn everywhere (just like Gracie’s desk!! J) I was panicking,
furthermore, I seem to not be able to keep up with the occasional tutorials we had at PMC, whilst surgery had afternoon tutorials with daily ward bedside teachings, for Medicine, we had 2-3 ward teachings per day, and 2 tutorials per week, taught by our own colleagues. I knew I was grossly inadequate to face the final exams. Each field was continents away from the next, neurology was Asia with its diverse culture and aberrations, with Cardiology being the African dessert, unchartered territory for me, yet somehow widely engaging- findings weren’t obvious or demonstratable on a photograph for 20-30 ppl to witness at one go, but an art unique to what one individual’s ears can pick up. One might be the only one able to pick up a murmur very easily in one patient, but miss it entirely though 7 others could detect it. The challenge cardiology posed was one that, surmounted, could boost even the biggest egos doctors and medical students are famed for! Respiratory medicine seemed okay because, the more I knew a field, the more I knew I didn’t know. Respiratory medicine had no formal structure of designated tutors, so I felt it was safe, little did I know! Then there was Dr Kok… It was truly an experience to study under the top student from UM (I very openly admire students who come out of local universities, because the 2 months I spent in form 6 in St John’s institution, while it was merely a peek into what my friends had to cover, it was enough to instil in me a eternity of admiration for those who jumped those hoops and hurdles, and especially for those who did it gallantly without breaking a sweat i.e. those who got into medical school la…
b, Secondly, Medicine rotation lasted 6 weeks, after which we had 2 weeks before our final exam! That means I had to cram in revision for surgery on top of all those scary subjects. Mr Lam, another product of the local university scene who only further emphasised and punctuated my admiration, was so kind to take us for one revision class on May 1st! then Han and I would haunt the surgical wards at 7am before our medicine wards (officially to practise our hernia, thyroid, breast, abdominal, peripheral vascular disease examination, and primarily to oogle the hot surgeon I was speaking abt previouslyJ)

The exams were designed to assess and scrutinise our knowledge from every view. Our general understanding of each field as a whole, skimming all diseases, delving into the rarer ones in Written- MCQ, then letting us talk in Short notes, testing our thinking on the spot with MEQs- they would give us the first sheet of questions which we were to complete in approx. 5 mins, then we had to place those sheets facedown on the floor, and tackle the next sheet! Regurgitating totally from memory, information contained in previous papers. There were X-Rays to tackle, pathophysiology(to the diagnosis we thought was right- i.e if we were wrong, not only did we lose marks for the wrong diagnosis, we lost marks for the pathophysiology too!) to map out…
Then there were clinicals, Long cases approx 1 hour to clerk and 20 mins to be examined on just ONE topic out of all the multitudes of topics we studied, if we were unlucky enough to get a rare disease we just flipped the pages of, that’s 80 mins of purgatory! Then there was osce, 5-7mins to just physically examine the patient (in surgery emphasis was on technique, in medicine we had to come up with our diagnosis at the end of it!!!)
So with THE exam to which I have been working towards for 7 years, if not my entire life and which would license me to do what I think I wanna do for life, looming ahead, I had to do my best, despite all my inadequacies…

in memoriam...

2009-03-22T21:11:00.003+08:00

i am preparing to head to taiping for my second last week of surgery, before my final exams... we shot our yearbook photo and i'll put it up when i have access to the internet:-) but today, after having dim sum with lorraine and kenneth, i started thinking random thoughts about my life... and it strayed to ppl who touched my life so long ago...
i. Puan Hajah Gayah
Pn Gayah was one of my standard 1 teachers back when the teachers taught us every subject, cikgu hasni was our class teacher, cikgu daud was our Guru Besar who taught us Jawi, and Pn Gayah was the guru penolong kanan who taught us english. she was very very classy, and used to really think my command of the english as a std 1 student was good. hehe i rmbr her expecting me to spell c-r-o-c-o-d-i-l-e... i managed c-r-o-c-o-d-i-a-l... hehe she was in her 50s, maybe 60s when she taught us... but a few years after i left permata, i heard she was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away...

ii. NurHaslina Ghazali
i was used to being teacher's pet, because if u studied hard, then the teachers would like you. but i had this girl who was my main competitor, only she was so sweet, no one could not like her. she was really pretty, with brown hair, and she was actually really beautiful. she was very kind and gentle and she used to be number 4 i think in class. her father was a Doctor, i rmbr, cause it was a rarity and we were all so very impressed. but in standard 3, cikgu ayub was our class teacher then, she got sick. i rmbr them saying she had brain tumor. she was absent for quite some time, but one day, her father brought her to school, he supported her while she walked to her desk, but she didnt look sick, or frail, neither did she lose any hair. :-) she looked just as pretty as usual... but that was the last we saw of her. the next week i think, (my sense of time is really distorted) she passed away. a few of the malay girls went for her funeral, and they told me how she was made up and she donned a white outfit that made her look like an angel...

i hope they're both in heaven, with God and all the angels... thank you for touching my life.
now back to Final Med...

i so wanna document this week...!

2009-03-05T20:45:00.003+08:00

it was Vascular week and group after group before this have shared stories of the scary Mr K2 and his grilling on monday morning at 7.15am, and Mr K1 in the clinic with 15 mins to rush to our 2pm tutorials and 6 essays on vascular examination and a video...
so the friday before (27/2), i clerked two patients, one arterial, one venous so that whichever system Mr K2 requested, we didn't need to come during the weekend to clerk.
He wanted venous, so during the weekend i wrote out the complete extended history (i took a 15 min history from the reluctant patient), then read up on management, differentials, etc. i even searched for journals online (Pentoxifylline= Trental, Daflon) and Bisgaard principles, and did the best i could. i was swamped the whole weekend, trying to prepare for the Upper GI tutorial we had on Tues, and my clinical presentation (recto-sigmoid Ca) also on tuesday.
Mr K2 postponed our teaching to 8.30. so that was a welcome gesture, but i went in at 8 to finalise my case. 8.40 monday morning i presented, and he asked if i clerked the patient for a very long period of time, he was satisfied with the history except for intermittent claudication symptoms,but grilled me on examination. i stumbled but my groupmates were there! in the end, Mr K2 was joking and laughing with us!
so we went to Mr K1's clinic, and lucky us, there were no more patients at 12.30, when we were fully prepared to stay till 1.30. Tutorial at 2 was cancelled, but we had to be back at the vascular clinic at 3 for clinical presentation.

My tuesday clinical presentation was postponed to thu, instead of an afternoon free, we had one session from the coming friday with mr Lam was brought forward to 2pm, one session from friday morning with mr lim was at 3-4, and mr siva was at 4-5, but he didnt turn up till 4.50... that tues morning, we stood in the OT from 8.15 till 1.30pm!

Wednesday we went in at 8am to organise our patients in the ward, while waiting for Mr K1 who taught us from 10-11.30 pm. We had MDS at 12-2, and tutorial with mr P, but he cancelled it. so that afternoon was off at 2.30pm.

Thursday morning, we had a session with Mr Lam at 6.15 am, and had to do our video and compile our essays. i clerked my 2nd jaundice patient for the week, but the hepatobiliary system is still pretty vague. We had a 1-2pm session with Mr P for his session yesterday, 2-3 with mr murugan who didnt turn up cause he was on his flight to the philippines, and 3.30-4.30 with mr teoh...

i felt direly incompetent cause i didnt have time to prepare my tutorials. i woke up at 4.30 or 5 am everyday, after sleeping at midnight and still couldnt find enough time...
i am so tired... don't get me wrong, the surgeons are all very nice ppl, they're kind but awfully busy... i know i'm gonna miss them.
next weekend we have our advanced life support(ALS) course, that had 50% of the previous group failing... so need to brush up my general surgery knowledge, finish the 6 essays, my next week tutorials, and ALS material!

This is truly final med. and God knows i feel so stupid, but i'm loving it!

i'd like to think i'm back... :-)

2009-02-27T05:14:00.002+08:00

i have imposed a certain deprivation in lieu of Lent, and i find a have more time on my hands, to do things that keep me from studying.... :-) anything really...
today's the end of my first surgical rotation week. we have 6 of those, then another 6 of medicine, then BOOM the final exam...the one that reflects all i've done in the past 5 years...
i don't expect to leave medical school with a bang, because i think the work i've done in the past 5 years, is nothing compared to what i put in for my SPM, or what is expected of us... i can only leave it in God's hands...
but i've decided to help me as much as i can:-) i'm studying... i am... i fall asleep a lot at the end of the day, and sometimes there's such a barrier between my mind and the words that stare at me from the book...sometimes,i even find it so overwhelming that i wanna cry... havent have much of that this week, though... yet... this week has been a scramble to find my footing after pretty relaxing ortho and GP rotations, trying to cram everything into this week, cause we started with urology, so urological cases in the morning, then we have tutorials in the evening, so thyroid and breast this week, and i'm preparing for my presentation which is lower GI next tue, but we have an upper GI on monday, and next week is VASCULAR... apparently, we need to write 6 essays, and make a video on vascular examination, and it's a full day from 7 till 4 with no lunch break...
oh God, give me strength....

on another topic, i went to Ash wednesday mass this year... and it was so solemn, but such an enriching start to Lent... here's to my spiritual health that i'm gonna detox till april 12th!

wish me luck, World!

50% of final exams...

2008-12-09T18:42:00.002+08:00

it has not been an easy journey to today...
we've had 3 episodes of 8 weeks of postings then end of block exams for obs and gynae, then paeds, then psych. seniors have told us before that the POP exams in 4th year were the toughest to survive. i used to doubt that, i mean, can it seriously be worse than the absolute final exams?
what i didn't know was that since we had a BAO in addition to our MBBCh, it made up a quarter of our exam marks. then another quarter was shared by psych and paeds. while med and surgery made up the remaining 50%. essentially, 6 months from my graduation, i would sit for exams that would determine 50% of my graduating grade!

it was difficult to shift gear from women and babies, to children (their mini-human sizes belied the amount of material of stuff that could go wrong with them! from infants to toddlers, to even teenagers, every aspect!) and my final posting was Psychiatry (never could i fathom the real power of the human mind. speaking to those patients, it was pretty overwhelming, not only what was wrong with them, but more their conviction. and the more time one spends talking to them, one can't help but pity them cause if i had that kind of fixed beliefs, or if you were to see certains things, that won't go away no matter what, i'd be reacting much worse than them!

my end of block exams involved a manic patient(their mood is totally opposite to what you'd expect a depressed patient to feel)... he kept saying he wanted to marry me and kissed my hand when i thanked him after that. it's not an uncommon thing, it's quite an ego boost actually.. eheh in a distorted way. but i find that it's more scary to face the wolf whistles of guys that you see (and try to ignore) by the sidewalks of shops, on the way to any kedai runcit, or at shopping mall entrances. why?
well, the patients at the ward have a diagnosis, and they are being treated, regardless of their compliance. while these maniacs are running loose, possibly maybe even probably with a mental disease of their own, in contact with people everyday...
furthermore, if anyone were to flip thru a psychiatry book, i'm pretty sure you'd find one or two disorders that you might suspect you have... the difference being whether it affects our lives adversely. some ppl live to ripe old ages with everyone seeing things in their personality that is sooooo wrong, yet they are scot free... quite an intriguing subject, but gosh, after clerking and speaking to one or two patients, my mind is too tired to do anything for the rest of the day!

as if shifting gear from one rotation to another wasn't hard enough, we had an exam schedule that went something like this:
paeds--> psych--> paeds --> obgyn --> psych --> obgyn
then initially it was supposed to start on monday, dec 1, they stole my one weekend and brought it forward to the thursday before that!!
i had a very rough start to the exam... but it ended well... 70% thru the exams, i started drinking essence of chicken, and i really regret not drinking it right from the start...
i was most afraid of my very final paper- OBGYN clinical long case, it made up 50% of the entire exam, which, once u do the math, is exactly what the entire paediatrics or psych was worth!!
to make matters worse, we had two options of either being sent to the Penang maternity hospital 5 mins from my house, or the mainland hospital, half an hour away! yes, i got the mainland one!
but when we went there, the nurses helped us initially by telling if we were getting either an OBS or gynae case. i had gynae. then in the waiting room, let's just say, we had an idea of our case! in the clerking room itself (we chatted and examined the patient for 30 mins, was question for another 20), it was airconditioned, and i practically had my own consultation room all to myself! i completed the history taking in 15 mins, and used the remaining time to tidy it up.
Initially i was supposed to be examined by Dr Kieran, an internal lecturer of PMC who said he was going to pass EVERY candidate he examined. :-) so i was relaxed. but they brought me to a White external examiner with our dear Dr Bala from SJH. :-) i actually had fun during the exam... :-) the white examiner, after asking me basic questions, looked like he was having fun posing questions, which according to him were honours questions, which, i didn't manage to answer! :-)
dr bala kept trying to cheekily mouth the answer to me. but it ended with him saying i did well, and he told me to go HAVE FUN!!

so that's what i'll be doing.. more posts and photos to follow!!!
thank you Jesus!!

my favourite songs...

2008-05-31T10:27:00.002+08:00

American Idol

i had so much fun following American Idol this year... David archuleta was my absolute favourite. he was so angelic and so humble... he looked so traumatised whenever the judges commented that it seemed like he was bowed and knelt down in prayer before each performance... how can one not find him adorable? :-)
but david cook was really really good... so as has been said many many times, it really truly didnt matter who won!

so my favourite songs:
in no particular order...

Bubbly by Colbie Cailat
Hello and BIllie Jean by David Cook
I am i said by Brooke White
Love Story by Katherine Mc Phee
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis
Pocketful of SUnshine by Natasha Bedingfield (it was so cute when she asked to kiss my david!)
One Rock and Roll too many by Syesha Mercato
Our Song & Teardrops on my Guitar by Taylor Swift
Apologize by One Republic
and this really really nice though not so popular one.. i heard it on 'Cashmere Mafia' (i really liked this show, but sadly they cancelled it... )
All Eyes on Me by Le Toya (a former member of Destiny's Child)

so...

2008-05-31T09:19:00.002+08:00

class has started for a few weeks.. and here's the thing... i'm the kinda person that if i have a list of 10 chores to do, i'll rush around finishing it as fast as i can because i really really value my de-stress, relax, me-time... time-efficient for those with half full cups and lazy hehe for those who hate me.
but anyways, ever since my school days, i've discovered i really dont fancy standing around whiling away time doing nothing. so if i need to learn something at the hospital, i rather my time be filled to the brim, than stand around for the same amount of time.
as such, my classmates in school, college, even now, hardly see me around nearing exams, cause i optimise my time better studying at home.. and time and again it's served me well. but this new rotation requires us to collect signatures to show we've attended teachings in the morning, lectures, tutorials... everything. while it's pretty much like a normal day for my distinguished colleagues, it comes as a shock to me.
now i worry about preparing for my end of posting exams... i wonder how im gonna wriggle my way thru THIS obstacle...
i havent even been home for 3 weekends... and that's loooooooooong for me...

JPA results
it's been almost 6-7 years since i got my scholarship letter and i can still remember how hopeful i was prior to that, sometimes not even daring to hope. but back then, it wasnt as difficult as it is now. firstly there weren't so many straight A1 scorers, secondlythe previous year had somewhat set precedence that all we needed to do was settle our results, then it was a given. so much so that some of the ppl i eventually met felt that they deserved the scholarship, almost to the point that it was a right they earned. i really disagree with this. they moan and groan abt malay rights. but here's the way i think. it's a Constitutional right however long they have decided to extend it, for them to be given a boost. we can choose to either whine and grumble about it, or acknowledge that the journey to a change is long, winding and not really within our grasp to achieve in the near future. i am lucky to have scored well enough to be given a scholarship, so maybe thats why i dont feel as bitter. but to me, the government is kind enough to actually allocate some quota for us non-Malays, who if not for the Constitution, don't really belong here as citizens, birth rights aside. we have opportunities, albeit on a smaller scale. but this opportunity afforded to us, to succeed, albeit we need to wrestle our way to the top, is a blessing. and it will build our character for the real world next time...
but it saddens me nonetheless when i see ppl who secure straight A1s but it's such a novelty that even that isn't enough anymore... my heart goes out to these ppl, but i don't think the PSD is to be blamed... resources are scarce, demand is overwhelming...

Lack of resources
newspapers highlight how scarce our food supply is at the moment, and i think with the global warming that's been around for a few years, it's something that we've kinda known was just waiting to lift the knocker on our door. it's quite scary actually. but i have faith in the abilities of mankind. there are highly intelligent individuals amongst us and i think that's been proven by how we, as a race have overcome many many obstacles with many breakthrough ideas over the past centuries. i have faith we'll come through this too... "this too will pass..."

Final Med
my seniors are facing their impending final exams that will give them the final push into the working world as doctors. and im pretty anxious too... i keep asking them if it's difficult, just how difficult it is... because, this time next year, it'll be my turn!! will be praying for them... really cant imagine what it must feel like...

okie i better get running... my internet isnt the fastest in the world which makes uploading photos very much a nuisance... so i dont even bother taking photos... hopefully when i get back home for christmas this year, or on the 14th of july when im back for a week's holiday!
ciao!

my birthday, american idol, and INDIA!!

2008-04-11T10:29:00.002+08:00

my birthday was last monday, and while i wanted a very very relaxed day of sleeping in, i shuddered at what was in store for me, cause the friday before that i had decided to fly to india to visit my darling sister. my passport had expired in Feb and i had not realised cause i guess i have no reason to fly overseas, or so i thought... :-)

the ppl at the Immigration Department were amazingly nice. my passport and ic did not match so i couldn't use the kiosk to renew my passport, cause of the discrepancy between 'sarah jane' and 'sarah-jane'. but even having to apply manually, it took me all of 3 hours to have my new passport in hand! hehe complete with a much much more glamorous photo, than the convict whose face i had on my former passport! so that cost me rm 300

next we shot off to the Indian Visa place. it was so so so so convenient to apply and after i filled in the form with two passport size photos, i had to wait two minutes before being attended to! since i applied before 1 pm, my visa was ready for collection the very next day at 4.30 pm! that cost RM 160 for a standard 6 mth visa.

the ticket was rm 1753. and within two days i was ready to jet off to india. gracie booked my internal flight from bangalore to mangalore for approximately rm 600, and that was the bulk of my expenses for the trip!
setting off this evening at around 6 pm for a 10 pm flight. and im so excited!

My 24th Birthday
on sunday night, the night before my birthday, my Mummy treated us all to an elaborate dinner at this place we label Coconut Tree. it's been quite long since we've been there, but the food's gotten better! we ate shark's fin soup, a fish, one type of soup, spare ribs, spring onion pork, mixed vege, and this amazing dish of steamed tofu. and for 6 ppl, it amounted to 120 bucks... oh i really really enjoyed myself.
later, we headed for alpha angle, where my mother got a small cake for me to cut later that night. hehe
June and my baby brother bought this amazing amazing pair of white sandals for me. dan and june, if ur reading this, i'm gonna put off wearing those gorgeous pair of sandals for a little while, but it's in no way an indication of my not liking it ok... au contraire, i absolutely love them!
my birthday proper, after the stint for my indian trip, i reached home in time for my 3 pm soap opera. that night my parents brought me out for some simple dinner. ppl who mean a lot of me remembered, and each message that came in, or call as in nal's case, meant so much to me, cause quite frankly i'm horrible at keeping in touch with friends... so thank you everyone who made my day so so special...

will be updating hopefully with photos from india. i actually have photos from my christmas holiday and from when gracie went to penang to visit me, but with the exams in feb and march, it's been kinda too far back in my mind. plus the menara kuda lari maxis broadband is so not trustworthy to upload photos. but i'll definitely post up indian photos!

have been following american idol pretty religiously... it's so exciting and i thrive on things to look forward to, like my daily soap opera, and weekly american idol. so far, Carly and the two davids are my favourites. i really dont like syesha and brooke and the guy who sang somewhere over the rainbow this week... hehe
ok toodles for now!

Results...

2008-03-26T21:55:00.002+08:00

Since the end of the Christmas holidays, i was whisked off to Kerian (which totally destroyed me, luckily for his being there, and driving me home when i needed to be home...)and i came home every weekend, then Chinese New Year came and brought with it a month of 4 barring exams and A WHOLE LOT of mugging. I've had to let myself go, or so i tell myself so i've eaten and munched and snacked so much resulting in a relapse of my gastritis, a weight gain of 2-3 kgs and a gain of 1.5 inches around my waist. i'm feeling very depressed and have so low self esteem. i don't wanna see ppl.

But the month long slavery to my books, worry, the gastritis, the munching and eating, the weight gain were all worth it. PMC posted up our results today...
I was called for Legal Medicine orals which i passed up, so i knew it was a 2nd class for that, but the rest... well i told Alex i dont like ppl to know my results, but i think nobody comes here anymore, so... beyond my expectations and also beyond what i know i deserve... God has indeed worked his miracles again... The wonders of what faith can do...

Now i know it was worth it... But i'd still like to lose that 3 kgs i gained...

so, i was told i'm fat...

2008-03-25T16:17:00.002+08:00

my brother's gf promoted a gym VIP pass at True Fitness for a month and i decided to check it out today... so after electives at HKL in the morning, i rushed home to collect my sneakers (yes, i have a pair of sneakers! :-) Mummy bought them so i could follow her on her evening walks, although we've only been for a handful of times..) and we set off for pavilion!

upon reaching, this sales promoter called Nicole brought us to the lowermost floor of their 3 floors of grandeur and took us on a tour of the place. She told us it'd only take 30 mins, but she walked soooooooo slowly and spoke so slowly, asking abt us and telling us abt herself (like how she studied in china and stays in wangsa maju, and how she takes the lrt to work everyday.. etc etc).. but the place is amazing, each treadmill comes with a touch screen monitor that doubles as a tv, we can select from channel V, rtm 1, star movies, espn and one more channel. or plug in your usb drive. the bathrooms were amazing, and the multitude of gadgets and personal fitness trainers were overwhelming.

then... tam tam tam...
she brought us to the fitness trainer to measure my body fat. they used this gadget to measure my fat folds of my biceps, triceps, over my scapula and my abdomen. there were 5 levels i think 1 was excellent, can't recall 2, 3 was ok, 4 was fair and 5 was obese. he'd key in your age, and boom a number will come out to correspond with the levels. i was a level 4, almost a level 5. that means i was bordering on obese!!

while i know i have let myself go, not worried abt what i eat, i've jsut eaten whatever i wanted even roast pork dripped in oil, and 300g steamed peanuts daily for 3 days straight, buffets and i havent exercised since november... but to tel my i'm bordering on obese is a tad too much, i think. i guess they have a higher standard of health, one that is undoubtedly admirable, but one that i deem too unrealistic for me.
i wonder how ppl who go to gyms daily do it...

at the end of it, nicole made us wait another half an hour for her to process our application. i planned to be done with my workout and bath in one hour, i.e. to leave pavilion at 1 but i only mamanged to reach home at 3...

but wow... i'm actually fat...

things finally get hectic and i don't see it getting easier any time soon...

2008-03-13T06:10:00.003+08:00

oh gosh, it's been months and months since i've last posted a blog...

if you're wondering why the word 'finally', well medical school in RCSI has been somewhat pleasant... they taught us what we needed to know and then we were examined... but here, it's two weeks of ophthal back in august, then a barring mcq paper and a barring 40 min clinical exam in which they take 10 mins to ask us anything they want.. and it's barring!! after two weeks a really long time ago!!!

CHRISTMAS AND MY SISTER
well after november, we had to deal with the end of the year medicine OSCE (which was hellish, the poked, probed and proded even without provocation, some held grudges against us just because we weren't able to make it to her 11 am class when it was supposed to be originally at 12, and she told us it was brought forward at 10.30, and it was a week before the exams... and medicine is never easy anyway...) and also the mcq papers for both medicine and surgery.. i was so delighted and i truly surprised myself with my results this time, probably my best in med school! :-) so i enjoyed christmas with my baby sister who came back from india. back when we were growing up, our relationship went through many phases, she went from being my very best friend to being someone i hardly knew, when she first started getting boyfriends, that was my awkward fat, ugly phase in life (i think andrew nicknamed me bulldozer once, and boy did it hurt... ).. but now my sister's the best friend and closest friend and also the person who knows me best... we gossip and bitch like we can do with no other! gracie came to penang to spend about a week with me, and i've never felt more comfortable with anyone being in my room before. probably cause we're so alike, so in tune.. i love you so much gracie!!!

KERIAN AND ALL THAT STENCH
then before i could properly sink into the holidays, and after i gained 2-3 kgs from all grandma's roast pork, mummy's roast chicken twice in 3 days, the heavenly divine Jogoya buffet (this is the very best most worth it most delicious buffet spread ever! and we eat at buffets quite often.. but to give you a general idea, there were three ice cream freezers one with baskin robbins, one with Movenpick from Marche and another normal brand, there were more than 10 types of tea!
oh just finished telling ei leen everything, so go ask her la.. hehe

-edited-
anyways. point form updates...
1. my gastritis seems to have cleared up, thank God.. :-) there was an episode during the exams, but thankfully i think it's settled..
2. i'm actually waiting for the viva list to be posted...
3. i'm abt to start a 6 week elective posting with KL general hospital! how fun is that? after which there's a grueling 6 weeks of Obs and gynae, six weeks of paeds and six weeks of psychiatry then exams!! so im gonna really really enjoy my 6 weeks of not studying or rather of not being guilty for not studying.. :-)
4. my birthday is coming up!
5. i have been on a fast from facebook and friendster, for the prayer, almsgiving and fasting for Lent and come this sunday, it'd be 40 days! it was quite timely too, cause i needed to get rid of distractions to be able to study.. :-)
ok.. tired dee... hehe will try to take photos these 6 weeks and revive my blog with more life too! and colours!!

pleasant surprises leave me gushing...

2007-11-13T06:47:00.000+08:00

with all the hype about censorship on blogs, it's a real blessing that im so self centred that i blog only about myself! hehe

well, it's tuesday... today my weekend starts...
i've been stressing quite badly over my OSCEs, it was at the end of a 6 week surgical rotation and while last term we had a long case, for me, osces are waaaaay worse. im not a showperson, i can't feign confidence in something i dont know. put me on a stage like a school's perhimpunan or such, and it wont be a problem, im not required to know stuff, thats why it's so bad. the long case allows me to go over it many many times, and even pose questions like "eh bang, liver abang besar tak? doktor kata abang kuning tak?' with a huge smile on my face! hehe but a lot of good that did last time.
back to my point... OSCEs allow us 5 mins to make an impression of knowing our stuff, to pick out sign(s). no matter how much u can read about how to measure the liver span, or how to approach a patient, it wont help. the scary vascular station had mr kevin who impressed a lot upon me, and it's like being part of his gang, having a eurasian mother. thankfully, his was our last ward teaching and that made his much talked about station so do-able! the end was so rewarding!

so i thought i could rest easy, after stressing out all the pimples on my face... alas it was not to be. i've been having very severe abdominal distension postprandial, it lasts for about an hour and it hurts so badly, i can only lie prone. or supine. it makes it hard to me to eat anything other than yoghurt or fruits. even then it still distends. and hey, that diet hasnt made me lose weight. to the contrary actually. hehe but it worried my mother to the point of nagging me almost every hour and she succeeded in getting ME worried. so there went my weekend.

on the way back to penang, my bus broke down and we were left stranded for 3 hrs!

then yesterday i approached another surgeon whom i really admire, mr tan in the endoscopic room and he decided to scope me immediately.so i was left to be processed, but no one seemed to know what to do, so i sat around doing nothing for an hour. then when i finally plucked up the courage and pasted on an extra layer of extra thick skin, i get my history taken and consent form. mr prem whom i've always been very openly frightened of came and insisted on scoping me himself, immediately. and he was pleasantly surprisingly kind. so kind, it was the kind of treatment i expected in a private hospital. he actually went "all right sarah, dont worry, you're doing fine girl..." mr tan came over to see what was wrong. and i've been diagnosed with oesophagitis and gastritis. hehe he warned me off coffee (i dont even drink coffee!), drugs (yeah right!), alcohol... hehe perhaps the fact that i have gastritis gives them the illusion that im properly stressed out the way a medical student ought to be. when in reality i think it's the chili padi i like to eat with whatever i cook, the super spicy thai food... i dont think i deserve to be afforded 'stress induced gastritis'. hehe but im on medication, and mr prem said it shud resolve in no less than 8 weeks.
im just hoping for a normal stomach by christmas!

i've counted down to christmas already. planning what gifts to get those dearest to me...

well, as i was saying, now that my OSCEs and my distension are settled, im finally breathing a sigh of relief... thank God He brought me through it all with more strength than i ever deemed myself capable of!

home is where the heart is

2007-09-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

The expression has been circulating for ages, and it’s cropped up pretty frequently especially the countless times I’ve missed home when I was in Dublin…
One would think being in penang would, if not cure, at least half the longing to be home. After all I get to go back forthnightly, if not, every three weeks. That’s way better than making it home once a year.
But maybe it’s because I’ve completed my overseas stint that I bounded myself to when I signed away 17 years of my life (2 yrs A levels + 5 yrs med school + 10 years government service). Now that im in penang, I thought I’d be even closer to home. I used to cry every time I left home, at the airport, but one could explain it away and say airports are highly strung places, or they release tear gas or whatever, but now, there are certain times I still cry when leaving home.

Proof 1
Last June, my darling sister came back from India, and the whole family planned a weekend trip to Singapore as coincidentally my mother needed to be there for something. I ‘fasted’ from going home for 3 weeks I think, cause I needed to skip a Friday, to reach KL in time to make our drive to Singapore. I had so so much fun… I usually need to make trips home to recharge and not sink into depression here. At the end of the trip, my parents dropped me off at the airport and I flew to penang. So I never stepped foot at home. But being with my family was more than enough to recharge me, fill me with love, and save Penang ppl from the horrible mood swings of sarah-jane…

Proof 2
The earthquakes and their 30 odd aftershocks seem to be a mighty big manifestion, an explosive tip of the iceberg. The environmental changes are way more vast, could be as a result of the earthquake or just something that occurred concurrently… Either way, it’s poured for many days here in Penang. The traffic jams have been massive. The drive back from college that would normally take 2 mins took 20 mins on the past two Fridays I wished I was home.. so as a result, I was unable to make it back, it’s a super long story, I bought the tickets and all, but let’s just say I dowan to think about it now. Saturday morning I awoke no longer deprived of sleep, but still so depressed… my mother called me and asked how I was, I was on the verge of tears, and I did actually cry in frustration when my mom hung up.
Then I went to my car at 12 to head out to get some groceries cause I had finished all my food in the fridge, thinking I was headed home… then my mom called and asked what I’d say if they told me they were on their way to Penang… I doubt there was a single soul happier than me on earth at that moment. I became like a restless hamster, contained in my room, but oh so so excited. I planned our dinner that night, made the necessary bookings and researched hotels.
My parents arrived and whilst daddy took care of my car, mummy and I headed to sunway hotel to check in. it was a great hotel, we had club privileges and the magical journey didn’t end till the next day. We went to church, a nice dinner, and while there was a slight automobile mishap, we retired that night, tired but I was sooooooo elated. The hotel gave me two mattresses for my extra bed. Mummy and daddy had an oversized-as-advertised king size bed. Only the channels on the hotel tv left anything to be desired. The breakfast the next day was set in an exclusive room that triggered memories of irish bed and breakfasts. It was soooo magical.
My darling brother fell sick and I got to talk to him, and mummy had to rush back to another child that needed her! (I think mummy should be a full time mother again.. we need her too much).
They deposited me at my place around lunch time, and whilst I was longing to go with them, tearing a bit too, Dan needing mummy kept me from whining too much..
I then chatted with my darling sister for a few hours…
At the end of the day, my pms disappeared, I was recharged!
Which only serves to emphasise my point that home wasn’t wangsa melawati, it’s where my heart is. And each family member holds a piece… and it’s theirs for keeps…

some photos!

2007-08-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

ah the glamorous...

2007-08-14T12:46:00.000+08:00

migraines are a real pain...
i was struck down by pain of the most intensce variety.
Site: whole head with the point of greatest intensity in the centre
Radiation: nowhere really
character: throbbing
onset:came on suddenly at around 3 pm
periodicity: it grew in intensity, intermittent intensity, but never fully goes away
duration: it never went away
severity: for me, it rated a 15 on a decadent scale! at one point, i was paralysed with pain, daring not to move, actually being unable to but then i've never experience colic or labour
aggravating:nothing really
relieving factors: i attempted to bust the pain with 2 ibuprofen, one ponstan, one antihistamine (to induce slumber), charcoal pills, traditional chinese medicine, topical minyak angin, mint lavender oil, and a cold eye patch
associated symptoms: nausea, and loss of appetite

it went away at around midnight but the grogginess kicked in and i slept. right up till 11am.
not really sure if it's migraine, i didnt eat anything out of the ordinary... but could be premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and PMS... im wrung so tight it's gonna be impossible for relief to come...

this holiday has been amazing... my mother and grandmother took on a mission at the start of my holidays to fatten me up and while i am feeling a bit bloated and i dont want to be fat again, it'shard not to relish their efforts. so the sacrificial lamb has been fattened, to be offered to PMC and it's "supremely noble" higher power of medicine. hehe but i've eaten all i wanted to eat, and many many times too!
besides that, i've read books to while time away... i forgot just how magical it is. and to do it on a clear conscience, it's difficult to read on school days, i feel guilty for reading something other than my notes, and i dont wanna read my notes, so i watch my series, after all, we dont have videos to watch.. well except the protocol videos... hehe
and shopped!! that's pretty self explanatory...

one thing i have yet to do, is meet up with friends... im sooooo sorry! it's just the timing's not right, and i have to fit into my friends' busy career-driven schedules that don't allow for much free time, and there's always something... last night i felt the worst. im really pitying my friends for having such a friend like me!

current obsession: criminal minds

i kinda miss ireland...

2007-08-08T12:32:00.000+08:00

:-) it's been ages since i've updated and actually it isnt because i have nothing to say, or nothing's been happening, it's just i know how boring posts are without photos, so since i havent snapped any photos, or even if i did, it's not with me, i've refrained from blogging. no posts is better than a boring post ya? hehe
but...
today im posting. partly cause i DO have a photo, and also because i realised i do miss ireland. when i came back for good, i told myself i was so happy to have that part of my life over and done with, that i'd treasure the memories but i doubt i'd long for it. that is until my mom started gushing about how she loves dublin though my mummy was there in the heart of winter, when it's the most horrible! for me at least. it hardly snows properly, and by the time it does snow, it's march! and it's so gloomy, the sun doesn't rise till 10 and by 4 it sets! it's gloomy, miserable but i miss it.
and summer just before exams, it's the most horrible time to study. i usually wait till the sun sets, so im not sleepy and i have the silent company of the night... makes me feel more noble! hehe but in ireland it's 10 before the sun sets! by 5.30 the sun is up! so u can imagine just how much studying i do actually get done. but i miss it all the same. the serenity. how everywhere i wanted to go to, was accessible by foot! life was simpler... greener... more beautiful...

but gosh, by no means do i wanna sacrifice my life now for it! hehe im home and while i mostly do housework and feed my brother (my mom works really long hours and there's just too much unnecessary hsework that'd just totally tire my mom more than she needs)... and i read.. hehe it's been years since i've had the chance to sit down with good novels and just read. and read and read... the holiday after i returned from dublin was spent obsessing with figuring out what i'd need in penang. this holiday im free!! oh not to forget, i've been watching Criminal Minds Season 2. im just so in love with Dr Spencer Reid. oh and Agent Aaron Hotchner is mighty cute too, in a brooding kinda way. oh, now i know why i have pimples popping up everywhere! it's the adolescent hormones spiking!

results were out yesterday. no warning, no postponement, just "click here to access your results". hehe no time to panic, no time to pray fervently, to bargain with God. hehe and im really happy with my results. i used to be happy with my results in RCSI but i also thought they just wanted to pass everyone of us, if possible so they wont be stuck with any backlog students, in transition, cause you see, we were kinda stuck in between two systems, the traditional system with accumulative 1st and 2nd professional exams at the end of 1.5 yrs and 3rd year and the new sem-for-sem exam where nothing is expected to be retained longer than that semester.
but in PMC, i dont think they need to pass us. they're not trying to impress anyone with excellent performances, or any board of finance-pool. truly. there's proof to back my conviction, in my mind la! hehe
but bottomline is, im very happy. really... so happy that it's cancelling out my PMS!

so... that's it i guess. hehe
toodles!

6 weird things

2007-02-24T11:55:00.000+08:00

:-)
lorraine tagged me and since she's been so good at updating, i'll layan u ya girl? :-)
i hope the weird things come to me as i type.

Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

1. i used to have the compulsion to translate anything and everything the ppl around me say to Malay when i was in Std 1.

2. i was kinda kicked out of kindergarten for talking too much

3. my sister and i were given the option of choosing between ballet and taekwondo, and she chose TKD, so thats how i ended up my awfully broad shoulders stocky built and lack of grace!

4. i like things in as close to its original nature e.g. vanilla ice cream, cadbury milk chocolate, one specific brand for each stuff. but surprisingly, not sushi

5. girls often picture weddings etc but i've never done so, and wouldn't know where to start if given the task! hey, i dont even have a fav flower!

6. i lose my explosive temper very easily, but it subsides VERY fast, and most of the time, i wont remember why i fought with ppl, or why, if they hurt me. gosh, my memory must be very very bad.

6 ppl i tag
1. my brother
2. henrietta albela
3. lionel tessenshon
4. sabrina salleh
5. cynthia lye
6. karen looi
(i think this promises to be very interesting...:-))

Cinderella...

2007-02-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

i was just abt to liken myself to Cinderella, but then there's no way i can compare to her beauty that caught the eye of the prince. and she has her happy ending too...

the landlady came to inspect our apartment yesterday and wow, i thought i had already slaved over the kitchen and the bathroom, cleaning to make it presentable. little did i know that she plans to collect damage compensation for any and everything thing that isn't in pristine condition, exactly the way we got it. and when we moved in, we had new everything! from a laser beam cooking top, to a whole new bathroom. and while i understand she wants to ensure her property's in tip top condition, but is it really reasonable to expect the oven and stove and bathroom to be per brand new? how can one live in a place and have everything restore in MINT condition? sigh...
so armed with a bleach spray, i went around my room wiping all surfaces, then i scrubbed. and scrubbed. and scrubbed.
the stove top (which is the latest technology so it's a flat top, like really FLAT and smooth), and the oven. :-) the stove's 98% clean, and im happy! :-) but the oven has me beat.
kinda felt like sandpapering our woodwork in ERT back in school days...

and Cinderella could sing and she really didnt seem to be putting any energy or elbow work into scrubbing la...

stephen's green...

2007-02-04T04:53:00.001+08:00

as u can see, first lay san and i went around stephen's green to take photos cause thats what we did when we first arrived. though the latter was with limy poileng and nal. :-) but we had fun. encountered characters who just cant take photos la. one lady had the camera held close to her face, so the display screen was facing us, with her eye magnified! but i did approach this good looking guy, who took a good photo of us! hehe even laysan agreed he was a 'good choice', not so much for his photography skills as himself. hehe in the end we were setting the timer and resorting to snapping photos for each other!
met up with thanesh at the dome. really appreciate his meeting up with us, esp since he was scheduled to fly off 3 hrs after that! gonna miss that guy.

battle of emotions...

2007-02-03T18:00:00.000+08:00

i wish i could blog more. thing is, either i blog about everything, and all the time, or only abt the odd interesting event, occasionally...

in less than two weeks, i'm headed back. for good. no more cosy little apartment, no more short sunday masses, no more tea at Dome, no more Moore street, no more Stephen's Green.
but i'm crazy excited to be headed home, the place i've missed for most of the past two months.
and frankly, im sooooooo exhausted to having to responsible over every little detail of my life. ever since my exam ended, i've had sleepless nights wondering about settling my apartment, getting my return ticket, closing bank accounts, getting my shopping done, packing and hoping i dont exceed the weight limit, and trying to squeeze re-experiencing everything i feel im going to miss here in dublin. i'm a huge worry-wort, i never knew it was this bad. money becomes so precious when i have to count and keep track of everything. it's at times like this that i wish i had a boyfriend who could and would handle everything for me! (this comment would probably be my downfall and would lead to my failure to ever avail of a boyfriend! hehe so next time i whine abt being single, refer me to this post k?

i had lunch with Sze-Ann and Cynthia today(really going to miss them both.they've really been indispensable support esp during exams. save for my mummy's voice, seniors who truly understand what im experiencing cause they've been thru it themselves, and in combo with prayers, is the perfect remedy for panic attacks!).
met up with Naren and Shanthiny before they left for their hols. Have only managed one outing with Kenneth. Supposed to meet up with PoiLeng, Thanesh, Lorraine,Sharon,Nabil&Tika, JunMay WanJean DarVin co when they get back from their hols too. there's so little time, and so many ppl im gonna regret not meeting up with if i dont.

i dreamt of school today. i rmbr counting my lucky stars every morning. seeing my friends in school used to motivate me to go to school, and it really made waking up so much easier! it amazed me how almost all the ppl who make up my entire universe could be found in one location. we were all contained in this small area. how easy things were. everyone was there. then during SPM. when the exams commenced, i used to pause in awe and amazement that at that exact moment, thousands of ppl my age all over malaysia were all sitting at desks, about to start the exact same exam! it made the battle less menacing knowing we were all united in that fight.

NOW, everyone's scattered everywhere, like there was an explosion and the wind blast blew everyone everywhere, some burrowed into the smallest and most isolated nooks and cranies in the world. it's like my heart has been torn to pieces and the pieces traced my ppl who have crossed paths with me in my life.
i so wanted to visit London one last time, see my best friend. cause the next time i return, i'd probably be an old hag, wishing i visited London in my prime so i can wear nice boots and take nice pictures by the famous landmarks. instead my wrinkly face would so spoil photos of London!

Gracie's grand ball's coming up. she's gonna wear an Irish import dress! courtesy of her sister who loves her so mch that she sacrificed her very very very nice dress and walked all the way to the post office to post it k... hehe
Ganesh texted and he's in Australia. i added Shen-Han's blog to my links (btw shen-han, it makes me feel sooooooo tiny to see my name amongst the Cambridge greats la... hehe )and Jarod secured a job at Maxis.(congrats, dear. really am proud of u)
going to spring clean my apartment now, the landlady's coming tmrw.
in relation to it, though probably not apparent, i really wanna read Law, that way even the mere existence of such a qualification would intimidate and deter ppl from conning me!

says izwan

2007-01-31T19:12:00.000+08:00

So the flightplan will be as follows:

1. Date: 14 Feb 2007 (WED)

2. Dublin-London (EI 176) at 5.30pm

3. London-Kuala Lumpur (MH 1) at 10.00pm

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

2007-01-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

DON'T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS,
BUT I LIKE HIM!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life; is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many
beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's
like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to
live longer? Take a nap.

---------------------------------

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat
more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also
a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can
give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable products.

---------------------------------

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat
ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you
have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two
to one, etc.

---------------------------------

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

---------------------------------

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are
fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

---------------------------------

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a
muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

---------------------------------

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa
beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!

---------------------------------

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your
figure, explain whales to me.

---------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important for
my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

---------------------------------

Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a
journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and screaming "WOO
HOO, What a Ride!"

sometimes, perfect days do happen...

2007-01-26T21:13:00.000+08:00

RCSI's Intermediate Cycle end of semester assessment has just vortex-ed one month of my life, and one of my 22 christmas-es and new years. it really took a toll on me,
physically (i was so exhausted day in day out, and pimples popped out reminding me of the vast spread of my pores!),
mentally (my mind was tax-ed to the point that very often during the day, i'd just blank out, like my mind's way of rebelling!),
emotionally (when i manage to complete what i set out to do, i'd be the happiest person in my circumstances, but when i'm pressed for time, i'd take on a personality so bitter that no one in their right mind would wanna be in the company of!)
No matter what i studied, everything just seemed so foreign when i read thru it again. i think my brain really just might be shrinking. before the exams, i freaked out countless times (i cried definitely more than 10 times), everything just felt so overwhelming. I was desperate. We had one written paper on thursday night, then another one on friday morning and yet another on friday afternoon. i think i slept two hours on wed night and only one on thursday night! not that it helped, cause my brain just shuts down after a lack of sleep.
then when my OSCE came, the nights leading up to it, i felt so dejected, like nothing i did could better prepare me, i felt doomed to flunk it, that nothing was gonna make a difference anyway. i was angry. frustrated...
my OSCE turned out kinda ok actually. wanted to document what happened, so bear with me k...it's a 9+1 station thing, 4.5 mins per station, and we prep ourselves for half a minute between stations.
history taking was ok, the kind lady told me i shud have asked more closed questions regarding associated symptoms for the guy's raised intracranial pressure. discussion with dr nick mouwad went quite well, though he has everyone gushing about how kind he is... left me standing outside the station cause he dismissed me early. i hope thats a good sign!
micro was... er... haha well i think i guessed the correct species though.
clinicals with Dr Barry was about sensation of the lower limb, including vibration and proprioception. i always forget to ask about pain, but hopefully it wasnt necessary this time. also exited the station early, ended up standing outside again! (either they decided early on that im hopeless or it could be a good sign... hehe will update when i get my results!)
oh communication skills was a very interesting station. it started and progressed quite fine i think, the lady was very friendly and helpful.. UNTIL... hehe she asked if there was an alternative to injecting herself as she wasnt comfortable with it, i very nicely and spontaneously quipped "oh sure, there are tablet!" hehe it wasnt till the next station that i realised i just gave her wrong information! and the examiner was Dr Alice Stantion, the very same lady i fumbled and was dazzled by the hot simulated patient at my last OSCE! hehe
the next clinical station the examiner was another newly qualified doctor. he came half a minute late, and usually we're only expected to know how to demonstrate the physical exam, but he asked me to test the trigeminal nerve. so i did, then he asked for the facial nerve, and he asked which 3 muscles i was testing with each test. then when the buzzer went, he asked me to very quickly just run thru the motions of Rinne's and Weber's test and what kinda lesion would be tested. wow, that 4 mins extracted so much information and i was quite happy it came out spontaneously, and even happier it was correct! hehe was rewarded with a very good from the super strict examiner (though quite a lot of examiners like to make us feel better by giving positive responses, till we dissect it in our heads after that and realise what blunders we made!)
pathology pots was quite interesting. hehe i got a specimen of a dissected breast, that was ok. but the mammogram and the slide of the oestrogen receptor test really caught me offguard. i got the correct answers, but need prompting so not wholly satisfied.
but the good thing is, for something i was so sure i was gonna screw up, i was quite happy :-)
then i was a zombie the rest of the day. but yesterday....
yesterday was probably the closest i could ever get to having a perfect day! i had a bunch of backlogged chores so...
i got up at 10 and yakked with my mom. then i headed to JPA to collect my Garda claim.
then yakked with En Jamal for about an hour.
then i headed to Reads to buy some magazines for Dan and for myself.
then i went to the bank, where i completed two chores, i banked in my Garda claim and paid my electricity bill! and hey, JPA had just banked in our allowance. i was elated!
i got home, then headed out to donate blood, though it was rejected cause i went to the malarial zone of malaysia for the summer. hehe
returned mercer library books, national library books.
and since i had downloaded my project paper for safekeeping and reference the night before, i finished 70% of my chores!
when i got back, my letters for reference from Dr Alice McGarvey were waiting for me.
oh the day could not have gotten any better!

Desmond was supposed to search for a replacement for our lease but he figured it was more trouble than it was worth.
So it kept me up the whole night, restless with worry, as it meant foregoing our deposit though i was fully prepared for it, but it WAS a lot of my Daddy's money... so i took matters into my own hands.
got up to sort through my stuff and pack them off for shipping. thats done. :-)
so now im blogging...
have a farewell for us in the beautiful, grand Board Room later. so will update with photos later!
im blogging again!! :-)

...

2006-12-28T19:26:00.000+08:00

The past few days, Saddam Hussein's death sentence has been pasted all over Yahoo top news (which i feel is a great way of keeping ppl who only surf the net, updated on current world news!). I've been so disturbed by the upholding of his death sentence., regardless of his crimes. I concede i don't know squat about the suffering torment and agony he put his people and his enemies through, nor would i know the gravity of what he did, but i personally feel that it's not in our meek human hands to take it upon ourselves to execute and take the life of another human being. We're merely sinking to their low levels and that makes us no better... but what can i do, and would have even made a difference? Thankfully the Vatican has reiterated its stand on the death penalty and how it's sticking to and standing by it!

Vatican cleric hopes for clemency for Saddam
1 hour, 54 minutes ago
A senior Catholic cleric has said he hopes former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein will be spared execution, citing the Church's opposition to the death penalty.

Cardinal Renato Martino, head of the Vatican's Justice and Peace department, was quoted in Italy's Repubblica newspaper on Thursday saying there was a chance for last-minute clemency for Saddam after an appeals court upheld his death sentence.

"There's still a period of 30 days (before the death sentence must be carried out), the president's signature is required, things can happen," Martino was reported as saying.

Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi has also condemned the decision to impose the death penalty.

Martino criticized the U.S. authorities at the time of Saddam's capture in December 2003 for releasing TV pictures of soldiers checking his teeth "as if he were a cow," images that he said needlessly humiliated the man.

The former papal envoy to the United Nations said there was "no doubt" that Saddam was responsible for mass murders, but that did not change the Church's opposition to capital punishment.

"You can't think of compensating for one crime with another one," he said. Saddam was sentenced in November for crimes against humanity and the death penalty was upheld on Tuesday.

Martino said he backed the idea of holding a peace conference aimed at solving all the major conflicts in the Middle East and reiterated the Vatican's position that invasion of Iraq by U.S.-led coalition was wrong.

"(Pope) John Paul II did his duty. He said it would be an adventure from which there was no return. Now that is what we are seeing."

Copyright © 2006 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters shall not be liable for any errors or delays in the content, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon.
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i whiled away 3 whole hours

2006-12-27T20:07:00.000+08:00

my baby brother can now drive!!!

woo hoo! hehe

2006-12-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

hehe studying konon...

2006-12-27T18:18:00.000+08:00

i wanted to experiment to show everyone what i really look like when im studying and not trying to act all cool and glam. haha well, it was supposed to be a collection of photos of my studying, upon waking up. now, if only i spend as much time studying as i do photographing it.... :-)

:-)

2006-12-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

don't really have much to do today since i've bestowed a holiday unto myself. hehe well, with my prominent eyebags, dont u think i deserve a break?? and i'm waiting to skype with my sister and Gracie's taking so long with dinner...
hehe oh and do note, the Pope wasn't in Dublin. i curi-ed that pic from Yahoo!
so... My Room...

The bathroom

Kitchen

Hall

The adorable one...

"Pax vobis" ("Peace be with you) -Pope Benedict XVI

2006-12-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

as the events unfolded itself, through an unexpected turn and twists and a tiring day, i found myself stranded in good ol' Dublin this Christmas. it's a good thing i set my mind to not celebrate christmas. Gracie called and one by one my relatives came on the line to wish me a Merry Christmas and they broke through my emotional barrier and tears were shed. :-) but it's all all right now. i couldn't sleep much throughout the night so i decided to make it for an early Mass. who better to celebrate Christmas with than the celebrated Birthday Boy right?
so i headed to church to top off my Advent with Christmas and to bask in the true feeling of Christmas. i knew i was missing so many parties back home, but visiting Jesus in Our Lord's house was like having a piece of my home Christmas!

What i saw on Christmas morning
Dawn Mass- there's this lady who was sitting two rows behind me, once a few weeks back, when i left to go to the altar for Holy Communion, i left my groceries in the pew and when i returned, she was sitting in my seat. i put it down as amnesia or senile dementia and thought it was a one-off occurrence. the same lady did it again today. hehe it was quite amusing...

True love at work- i really respect and am in awe of such love. i don't know if im capable of such love, to care for someone 24/7, especially if what's left is merely a shell of the person i love. that's why these kind of public displays of affection really tug at my heart strings...

Finally, the candles of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love are joined by the Christmas candle.

even the bulletins are cause for joy

probably THE most beautiful crib i've ever seen!

After i was done with Mass, i really wanted to snap a shot of River Liffey, a shot that completes almost every tourist-y collection of Dublin photos i've seen. so i rushed there before the rain would start to pour.
Things i saw along the way
Baby Dunnes on George's Street

New Charlie's Four! with Nasi Lemak too

River Liffey on Christmas morning

I had to practically run to the River cause my camera battery was in danger of dying. but on the way back, i stopped right in the middle of Dame Street and took this shot!

Will update more about the rest of the day. I love this shot. It's truly my Christmas in Dublin-me, a bulletin of the Nativity of the Lord and with the background of River Liffey. :-) practically captures the entire essence of my post!

Merry Christmas everyone!

tears and christmas don't go together!!!

2006-12-18T07:14:00.000+08:00

right at this very moment, my mother's at the airport, picking up my sister, Gracie who's back from Mangalore for her christmas break. that means, the commencement of the christmas celebrations back home.
Michael Buble's "Home" just started playing, from the random shuffle on my iTunes.
and i'm bawling like a spoilt kid, like the spoilt kid i am.

I told myself rather than to feebly attempt to recreate Christmas for myself here, as i've tried and failed to recreate other events like my birthday and all, i'm not going to celebrate Christmas this year. It'd be just a holiday season which i'm going to enjoy, but not Christmas per se. i figured i am not going to settle for the best, of a tradition that's been alive in my family since ages ago. A Eurasian Catholic family is rich in traditions they concocted up and gathered through the years. Like my Mi's pineapple tarts that melt in your mouth, her pork roast that's just divine, enuff to abolish ANY diet and break any anorexia, my Mummy's moist chocolate cake and butter cookies, roast chicken, the presents, the grand feeling that accompanies the toiling bells that herald in the birth of Jesus... Parties that are followed by subsequent and more spontaneous parties. my Family. i think a feeble attempt would make me even sadder!

it's only the 17th. and this is already the 2nd time im crying...

Hand Me Down - Matchbox 20

2006-12-16T23:12:00.001+08:00

Alex first put this video up on his blog and i've officially fallen head over heels in love with this video!! Gracie, can you view ar?

:-) totally random...

2006-12-15T11:08:00.000+08:00

it's 3 am!
and i'm as alert as ever. hehe
it's very interesting how a washing machine had me squatting in front of it, and even the normal usage of the thing took me hours to figure out! :-) it's becoming less of a wonderment as to how the process of driving escapes me.
i vacuumed my room and the hallway.
i wish the gym was opened, i have so much pent up energy to release.
i'm actually very happy these days.
only thing that taints my mood is the cold and rain.
overdrive has kicked in and i so know im running on adrenaline.
just scared if i sleep, it'd be ages before im hardworking enough to wake up!

Serious stuff, for a change

2006-12-13T20:27:00.000+08:00

:-) well, i decided my blog needed some serious stuff or else not only will ppl think i'm a bimbo who doesn't study at all, i myself might begin to believe my brain has ceased to function. :-)

i was reading the newspaper yesterday (well, truthfully, i was browsing for offers for my dream phone and stuff to do over the christmas season), and i came across the headline "Is there a Doctor in the house? We don't need one" or something along those lines. I tried finding the article online to no avail. But the gist of it was that a group of biomedical researchers (i know a lot of my friends in this field, ppl whom i believe would get the chance to study medicine if it wasn't so expensive cause they really do have the brains... instead a lot of them would be stuck doing laboratory work. a real waste of brain-age i feel). Anyways, in this one university in Ireland, this team of researchers are developing (or have developed) a home diagnostic kit that can take samples of saliva, or prick your skin painlessly for blood samples, or other body fluids and obtain the necessary information from the FBC or other counts and beam it via satelite to the laboratory for further analysis, thus successfully eliminating the need of a middle man. This cost-effective and resources-savvy move, which would normally be applauded by tax payers, has doctors now bearing the brunt of being phased out! kinda fizzes out my zest to study la...

Secondly, there's this forward being circulated about how if (touch wood and pray it doesnt happen to any of you), a robber abducts you and forces you to enter your pin at the atm to draw out money, all you have to do is enter it in reverse, and unbeknown to the unassuming robber, the security authorities and necessary parties would be alerted, though your money would be issued per normal! isn't this wonderful? the end of the email forward had a bit about how not many ppl knew, so robbers wont know better, but i think it won't be for long, what with the incessant email forwarding and my blogging it here... who knows who else would be blogging about it too!

Merriam Webster defines it as...

2006-12-12T19:57:00.000+08:00

Main Entry: 1wish
Pronunciation: 'wish
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English wisshen, from Old English wyscan; akin to Old High German wunsken to wish, Sanskrit vAñchati he wishes, vanoti he strives for -- more at WIN
transitive verb
1 : to have a desire for (as something unattainable)...........

http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/wish

Edited christmas list ;-)

2006-12-12T19:26:00.000+08:00

8. a body to fit into this--->

http://www.dresses.com/evening3.html
and
9. enough money to buy this!

http://www.dresses.com/order/9045.html

10. the height to pull this off!

http://www.dresses.com/order/1138.html

My grown up christmas wish... ;-)

2006-12-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

Olympus FE-180
2816 x 2112 Max Resolution, 6.0 megapixel Image Sensor, 3x Optical Zoom, 4x Digital Zoom, xD Picture Card Storage, USB Connectivity, Movie Capture, built-in Flash (whatever that means... :-))

Nokia 6111 in Frosted Pink
Compact, chic design
Comfortable fit in the hand
Megapixel camera with full-screen landscape camera mode and camera flash
Nokia Xpress audio messaging
Media player, MP3/AAC ringing tones, and FM radio
Video streaming and recording (up to 1 hour)
Push to talk

Ghost Perfume
Blends of floral and citrus-based fragrances are recommended for casual and daywear. Spicy, woody or warm amber-based fragrances are traditionally favorites for evening and special occasions.

4. tight pencil skirt
5. a nice clutch-under-arm black bonia bag
6. a nice gown ( i went into Julien in Stephen's Green Mall and almost cried with longing!)

7. to be with my family come christmas(but u know, being with my best friend in London is the next best thing! :-))

Countdown to Christmas!

2006-12-08T21:16:00.000+08:00

:-) it's so fun. Ravi told me about how easy the new blogger is, and he's right! i can even link all my friends without having to learn html! :-)

Today for the first time in a long long time, it didn't and hasn't rained! YET. :-)

Gracie and my two cousins will be back home next weekend. It really kills me that i can't be home with them and my family. i see the Irish ppl shop and prepare for Christmas. i see the brightly lit Christmas trees. i really miss home...

Christmas carols ring through the malls. Oddly, i don't feel like actually buying anything. i must be really depressed!!

But im loving this new Blog layout. It's so userfriendly for such an internet doofus like myself! :-)

Oh Alex put the youtube music video of Hand Me Down by Matchbox 20 and it's amazing!!

the perfect christmas carol

2006-12-03T22:25:00.001+08:00

so advent has dawned, bringing with it the joy, peace, hope and love that christmas is upon us.
A whole new christian calendar.

Every year, i wait and wait...
As christmas draws nearer i start panicking too...
What is i dont get that christmas feeling?
Actually being away from home makes it even worse! There no family gatherings to trigger it. No christmas tree to decorate, or presents to buy and wrap. No loved ones to love!
Usually it's christmas carol that will make my insides warm with the love of christmas.
Among the carols from previous years are - When A Child is Born, It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Feliz Navidad....

This year, i feel like Silent Night is my song. So now, i've been hunting for the perfect version of Silent Night, but to no avail.
HELP!

happiness...

2006-12-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

This is me, happy...

This is one of the things that make me happy... seeing how Gracie is radiant with happiness...
(hehe sorry i posted this u, gracie. but i love it!)

And also my mom passed her Masters, with flying colours!! i'm so proud of her. it's smooth sailing to her doctorate next year... :-) and Blooming.com.my is amazingly efficient. they allowed me to send flowers that were delivered on the same day i placed the order! Two thumbs and two big toes up to Malaysian eagerness to please with efficient service! and Shops that don't close at 6pm every day!

2006-11-29T17:34:00.001+08:00

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections

okay, when on average the sun rises at 8 am and it sets at 4...
so when it's cold, there are all sorts of strings keeping me in bed, away from the gloomy weather. my brain scans through all sorts of plausible excuses to get out of actually living the day... even my absolute favourite place in Dublin, the Dome takes on its own gloom of doom (the Dome has this beautiful glass roof that lets in the most amazing rays of sun if the timing is right. it's truly like having a small piece of heaven on earth!)

BUT there are always things to be thankful for....

1. everytime i stroll through Stephen's Green Mall, in hunt of my absolute essential, my GRAPES, the Christmas songs, Christmas trees never fail to life my spirits!

2. Grapes are now 3.49 euros! and i've been overcharged EVERYDAY for the past week. whenever i attempt to tell the cashier, the price is wrong, she'll pull an awful snoobish haughty brash expression that makes me feel like a stingy bitch. one lady 'kindly' told me to take the issue up with the customer service.. and what do you know, i got a full refund cause i was overcharged after closer investigation! :-) so now,i do still attempt to correct the cashier, but the moment any of them pulls a "greater-than-thou' expression, i gleefully pick up my grapes and proceed to customer service! :-)

3. I've been slaving over my project. Thing is, besides the main subject content, a HUGE percentage comes from this report on our efficiency as a group i.e. Belbin roles, group conflict and how we "miraculously utilised our group rules" to overcome such things. truth be told, some group mates are content in completing their own parts and leaving the loose ends (and they're a handful mind you, search strategy, meeting reports, 4 groups tasks, determining peer review marks and reasons, piecing everyone's work together...) to someone else, or maybe they dont or are not even interested in knowing about the existence of other parts of the project. Another kind, are the ones who do their work, but soooo incompetently that everyone else ends up working even harder to cover up for their lack of (i shall refrain from inserting any word here, cause as hard as i try, there's never a good word to cushion the blow)... And yet another kind are the ones who breeze in apparently too busy to check emails to find out about tasks, but these ppl dont lack competency, just interest and motivation.
BUT good thing is, i'm DONE with everything i could possibly do for the project. all that's left is referencing but this other group mate of mine is completing it. which. is. taking. forever. but where's the surprise there ya?

4. I recently started attending whitefriar church on aungier street. i saw sylvia in the choir on the 2nd week i was there. then the following week, the choir director encouraged anyone who wanted to serve in the choir to come up. and hey, i DID! :-) so last sunday was my first service. :-) the priest actually thanked the choir, but i was gently reminded not to expect such a 'fulfilling reward' after EVERY mass. :-) but practice is on Thursday nights and it's crazily unbelievably uplifting. i've always loved singing at church, and mummy used to say i used to many inaudible noises even as a toddler. but never dared to deem my voice worthy of a choir. That and the fact that going for practice at St John's was quite tedious. so Sunday School was the obvious and easy way of serving God. but hopefully things will be different when i go back this Feb!

5. I used to be the kind to always need ppl around me. First day in INTEC, i rushed around our Akasia block making friends, saying hi to almost all the girls there. Even in St John's, though we Melawatians made up the majority in Sc 1, i remember quite scaring ChiFei and before long, ppl started thinking he was a fellow Melawatian! :-) Even in RCSI, the first year, i seldom needed to tolerate being alone. But in the 2nd year, everyone but everyone had their own agenda. i was unfamiliar with the loneliness, but i got to know Alex, Naren, Lorraine and Kenneth really well then. when i was alone, it was a conscious effort to not bug other ppl, or just a general depressed feeling. i even ended up going home for christmas cause i was soooooooo uneasy. but this year, i enjoy my solace. even when there are things for me to do, or ppl to see, i find it's not uncommon for me to prefer being on my own. :-) it's quite an amazing way to unwind, email my sister, send my mom and sister songs, call some friends and relatives back home... Just when i'm getting used to being independent, i'm going back! hehe

6. I'm going back in Feb!! Our JPA officer said we'll head abt somewhere Mid Feb. before Chinese New Year. hehehe Yippie doo? ?

7. I'm going to London to visit Ei Leen in December! that equals seeing EiLeen after soooooo long, our long chats, hopefully our shopping excursions, Boxing Day in London! hehe i've seen London, but it's been ages since i saw you, Girl!

8. I finally completed our compulsory 10 sign-up-at-your-own-leisure-but-at-your-group's-stipulated-slots-ONLY!!

9. My sister is happy. :-) My brother's driving. Christmas is upon my family, so i'm sure they're happy. That's reason enough to be happy....

2006-11-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

:-) a post!

2006-11-10T19:07:00.000+08:00

i was lazing in bed this morning, then i suddenly recalled this craze we girls (some guys too actually) used to have... well 2 things actually...
1. autograph craze...
short catchy 4 liners cropped up and suddenly it was about who had the most creative signature (i rmbr Ezlin Deanna have THE most creative signatureS-ezlin came up with many signatures and no one's could even compare!) and poems like

Drink hot coffee, drink hot tea,
Burn your lips and remember me.

(F)riendship (R)emains (A)nd (N)ever (C)an (E)nd

Do not put off this tomorrow what may be done today (this used to spur me on to impulsive acts, some of the more memorable ones involved certain vulnerable feelings, confessions to a said hot guy (though nowadays, when i look back on my crushes, i find myself thinking 'what was i thinking???"), and ultimately dejected and bruised esteem due to rejection, or at odd times, reciprocated feelings and ultimately boredom. :-)

2. the infamous F.L.A.M.E and .F.C.H.L
ok so heres what they stand for (F)riendship (C)ourtship (H)atred (L)ove
(F)rienship (L)ove (A)dmiration (M)arriage (E)ngagement
and the percentage count
------>all supposedly to interpret the course of our connection with a hot guy (or non hot also, where we hope for the hatred so avoid any linkage and to disprove rumors) from how the letters in our names line up against each other.
just for illustration's sake, i'll borrow two characters
A.R.I.E.L.
E.R.I.C
so cancelling out common letters, it'dp be
A.*.*.*.L
*.*.*.C
so counting the F.L.A.M.E. first on the cancelled letters, then on the non-cancelled out ones, we have
A-H-L-C and
A-H-F-F
Interpretation ----> Ariel would first (A)dmire Eric, then (H)ate him, then (L)ove him then wanna (C)ourt him
In the same course of time, Eric would (A)dmire Ariel, then reciprocate the (H)atred, then only want (F)riendship both when she loves and wanna court him.

the percentage game...
there's a total of
A=1, R=2, I=2, E=2, L=1, C=1
so 1+2, 2+2, 1+1 would equal
3,4,2
adding 3+4, 2 would equal
72%
in conclusion, Ariel and Eric would have a compatibility of 72%!
isn't it just fun???

:-) i was reading Lorraine's post on weight issue among women and no one would believe me if i were to say i'm above such nonsense. the hype on this issue, esp among mental health conscious medical students is escalating. and 2 thoughts occurred to me.
1. back home, among nonmedical ppl, weight loss would be heralded and sincere and some less sincere compliments would abound as it's undeniable that healthy weight loss is not only highly beneficial health-wise, but there's a huge margin of weight loss in which no one can honestly proclaim to look worse. granted, there's a point when ppl cross the line into looking sickly and ghastly scrawny, but i find it to be a very hard temptation to resist, esp when it's relatively easy to lose weight to look good. Guys, on the other hand, need to eat protein-rich diets, and lift weights to buff up, but at the same time, not looking too buff. it's truly not easy.
2. i bought a christmas dress yesterday, at such a bargain too, and while i was in the process of letting go of the preoccupation i have with wanting to look good, it just felt soooo nice to be able to fit and not have unsightly bulges.

DeepaRaya
am trying to upload photos here, but do proceed to my dear dear friend, Alex Ong's blog for photos. :-) i can't seem to upload mine...
http://pandaong86.livejournal.com

thula and i. i think thula looks so great here!
i took a pic with Saravanan last year too! but this pic depicts my entire baju kedah!
Alex Ong!
JunMay and i
ravi kumar
sylvia
shinshen
abhilash!

Oh i've been plagued by horrible migraines and a very bad attack of conjunctivitis.
I overused my contact lenses, but it wasn't a grossly long overstay, just a week over a month, when i use my lenses up to 2 months back home! well, it became bloodshot,and LaySan warned me that i had better get it checked for fear of it developing into an ulcer. for the very first time in my life, i was so worried to get my health checked. i dropped eye drops in my eyes and still it didn't subside. i had to don my specs for 3 days! hehe
i admittedly do get very self conscious and not feel my optimal self in specs, but i also can't look at ppl in the eye. i tend to keep the world at bay when i wear specs. but the good news is that it's healing... the moral of the story is pretty apparent ya?

so that's it for now... :-)
Mr Daniel Khong!!! blog, baby! :-) and i never heard abt ur gift u know...
Miss Gracie Snowflakes, i miss you so much!
Sharon Tay, Ms Vice President, please update...
Lionel Tessenshon, thanks for always remembering me...
Mr Alex Ong, sorry for borrowing ur blog post without prior permission!
Miss Lorraine Thong, do keep ur blog posts coming, dear...
Miss Amanda Khoo, thanks for all your help, girl!
Gracey Moo, thanks for always always updating ur blog. it's really something i look forward to reading everyday, and draw inspiration to keep Jesus in everything i do, like u always do!
Miss Karen Looi, heard u looked stunning at the Ambassador's open hse, girl.. do post photos!
Shen-Han, i dont know if u blog or even if u visit here, but so sorry i didnt get to properly catch up the other day... was very very delighted to see an old pal. really happy actually!
I'm not sure who else reads this blog... and i do have a lot of other shout outs to other ppl on my mind, but oh well...
better keep them to myself for now! :-)

---->Bimbo Songs
Cater to You - Destiny's Child
Wishing and Hoping - OST My Best Friend's Wedding

vs

===>
You Don't Own Me - OST First Wives' Club

bubblewrap them

2006-10-10T23:53:00.000+08:00

1. 3rd week in college. i dont know why but i've been so fatigued the past two days. i'm too tired to do move or do anything and all i really wanna do is snuggle up in my bed. But i have lunch and dinner to think about so i drag myself out of bed to eat and to go to college, but at the end of the day, i'm beat! like now...

2. i've been to dublin one quite often the past few days, i like the extra exercise it affords me. but the summer erased the negativity i used to feel towards the pungency of irish cigarette smoke. it's realy really awful. one can't walk along henry or grafton street and expect a headful of hair that doesn't smell like smoke. they huff and puff away with absolutely no regard to how many years they're shaving off our lives, and how much closer they're placing us to the pain and torture of lung cancer! that's why i feel we should put a bubble helmet around these ppl. that way, we don't need to inhale the remnants and waste products of their unhealthy habit, they can keep the tobacco and tar smoke they so love (so it's actually saving money cause they'd be recycling the tar and nicotine which would be let loose to the environment that way. it's probably save them half the time for the journey to lung cancer of which they're so adamant on partaking, a journey that we shouldn't be forced to accompany them on! my apologies to smokers out there who do keep their habits from killing us, and just keep it to themselves, but i really do hate have to inhale the smoke the people walking in front of me puff out and the smell my hair retains after a walk out.
3. the haze is another thing, don't get me started!

4. i've found a new place, Grafton Hall. it's an amazingly beautiful place. will furnish my blog with pictures once i move in. i'm really excited!

and i apologise for how boring this post must be without photos. but i figured since i eagerly await updates on other people's blogs, i should update mine, though i doubt anyone out there is as fanatical about blogs as i am... :-)

Superiority of the younger

2006-09-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

i think my toes aren't as ugly anymore. hehe
it's one day before the new term commences and for the very first time in my life, i feel very well rested, that my break was well spent! :-) i'd probably only say that now, ask me again tmrw evening and it'd probably be a whole different story! but that aside, i loved my summer! it was amazing and while i can't list down a hectic itinerary to tell tall tales of adventure, mishap and mischief, the thoughts of summer brings a definite smile to my face and a warm feeling to my heart. my mother was amazing! and my dad and brother. and my sister, even when she went to india.

the flight back here was horrendous!! i decided to take the KLCAT to the airport this time cause i really didnt wanna trouble my parents with the long drive to KLIA and back. also, i figured who knows, the MAS ground staff at KL Sentral might just be kinder than the airport's. and by golly gosh (hehe!) i was right! when i flew back to Dublin after Christmas, i had a 24 kg luggage and the MEAN lady made me remove stuff till it was 20! but in KLSentral, the KIND lady allowed me 21.6 kgs and told me (after i bodekly apologised profusely stating honestly and sincerely that my weighing scale back home showed just 20, and, this i didn't tell her but imagine the horrors going thru my mind as to my real BODY mass!), she said MAS allows 25 kgs! so after bravely bidding goodbye to my beloved mummy and daddy, i was off to KLIA!

AT KLIA
i made it to the lounge by 10, my flight was at 11.40. they didnt open the lounge till 11! crazy ppl. but the xray scan was ok. i carried one laptop bag and a carry on. i was seated beside this australian by citizenship, indian-welsh by genetics lady and her welsh mother. they were mediocrely nice, and they gave me a small kangaroo at the end of the trip! ehhe only whilst queuing up in Heathrow did i wonder what if they slipped some drugs in the cutesy kangaaroo??? hehe but thank goodness they didn't.

AT HEATHROW!!!!
as we took off one hour later cause interestingly, the pilot couldn't get in touch with the air traffic control tower, i arrived one hour late with only one hour to spare before my connecting flight. the bi**h of an air stewardness dismissedly told me that everyone had a connecting flight and pretty much told me to stop making a fuss. I WILL BE MAKING AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT to MAS once i settle in my own room! upon arrival, i learnt i had to squeeze one of my bags into another and make it fit the measurements stipulated with the latest stringent ruling. so i arranged and rearranged (i kinda had the inclination of what fitting a corset must have been like) and i got through!!! just when i thought my ordeal was over, the security xray. so i missed my flight. the groun staff had rescheduled another flight for me but BY GOLLY GOSH (hehe) was i worried about my cargo luggage. but i was pleasantly surprised when my bag emerged on the carousel. hehe i felt like my pretty bag was smiling up at me, and this time i had the inclination of what being a new parent must feel like! hehehe

after seeing the beach, i went to church on saturday. it was slightly longer but i figured it beats waking up early on a sunday. this time the priest gave a homily on how biblically, the younger sibling always emerged with God's favour. for example, Cain and Abel, Martha and Mary, the prodigal son and his brother, joseph and his brothers, Esau and Jacob, Rachel and i forgot her sister's name so on and so forth. (wah, at that point i felt so depressed and doomed for mediocrisy in life!). but the priest went on to explain some guy's theory on how the parents have the superior and another trait to pass on to the kids, and the older ones tend to inherit the superior trait (fixed leadership executive traits to handle and mind the younger ones) while the younger ones inherit the trait that allows them to be risktakers and more open to changes and criticism. so the priest concluded that we need to be more open. i inferred and here i summarise "Let Go and Let God"(this rainbow's for gracie!)
which reminds me, i went for mass in Good Shepherd setapak and i love it there! the homily, the priest (which ahem ahem is my mother's cousin hehe), the choir and cute slides. i commited one to memory

"I never said it would be easy, i only said it would be worth it"

With that, ladies and gentlemen, i rest my case. hehe
wish me luck with the new term! muax!

(in Ireland within just a few hours. i think it's just crazy)
oh btw, the pictures have no relevence to the text they precede.

pretty things in nice packages!

2006-09-06T01:55:00.001+08:00

hehe i've known a lot of guys in my life, and i dont mean romantically. i just make it a point to know ppl, and how i'm linked to ppl. i guess i really like it when i find out that the world is actually very small, and it never fails to amaze me everytime i find a link. that's why, i guess, friendster's my fav website. that, and the interesting gossip updates one can get without even having to ask and sound like a nosy biatch. hehe

gosh, im so terpesong-ing. hehe well my point was that, i liked to scan and get a feel of the scene (i.e. cute eligible guys at a particular location), jsut for networking and sometimes to matchmake with my friends! hehe and melawati DOES have their bountiful share of hot guys, trust me! hehe so growing up, i've seen some guys grow out of their hotness, while some just nicely grow up. hehe but as time passed, i began to lose hope in mankind with the dwindling amount of hot guys with stellar personalities and intelligence to dazzle. i thought i had met them all, and that was it. boy, did things look bleak.

but guess what!?! i could not be more wrong!! hehe these guys are pretty much guaranteed out of my or anyone close to me's reach. but they're living proof that brains do still indeed come in nice packages! hehe

1. Wentworth Miller (they come in no particular order, i swear, looks or brains!)
those who read my more recent posts would know of my obsession with his eyes, his hands, his brooding looks. hehe the whole hot package! i think i read somewhere that he's some sort of intelligent fella in real life too. not just in Prisonbreak in which he's a topshot structural engineer. oh ya, if my memory serves me correctly, in REAL life he has a degree in English which he completed waaaay before even venturing into acting. talk about knowing his priorities! hehe just Look at him! who can say he doesnt have the whole package?? God IS kind! hehe

2. Wang Lee Hom
i always knew at the back of my mind that this guy's pretty good looking. but i thot he was another chinese pop singer who crooned in a language i didnt understand, what more attempt to groove to. hehe but this summerr, his face is everywhere! hehe kind like a "take a closer look at me" kinda msg (yes, wishful thinking on my part, i know.. ehhe ). he's on Fossil's advertisements, and his amazingly macho voice almost manages to tempt me to ditch my 7 year loyalty to DiGi for Celcom! hehe he's cut out as the golden heir of a medical dynasty with his dad a pediatrician, his brother some doctor too. he won some top award for being an outstanding high school student and was on his wya to study medicine in Yale i think, but followed his heart into music in Berkeley and he aced it too. he plays a multitude of musical instruments. hehe if he didnt, we wont get to swoon over him, globally! and since he is an American, he speaks English innately! PERFECTION!!!

3. Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor
hehe i read the news on our very first Malaysian astronaut and you can be sure i'd be tuning in really intently for updates on this astronomical breakthrough! hehe a Medical officer who lectures at HUKM whilst pursuing his Masters in orthopaedic medicine, he chose space travel and is putting his life on hold. he is really really HOT! hehe i mean, just look at him! hehe if i were fitter, and maybe a little older, i'd wanna know where to sign up to 'work' with him on his amazingly challenging pursuit of his dream. hehe i'd be his personal cheerleader! hehe
(p/s pics off the Star online!)

so there. 3 guys who restored my faith in hot intelligent men. hehe what do you think?

the weight issue...

2006-08-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

how much weight is too much and how much weight LOSS is too much?

- well time for a reflective post. i think that a blog warrants that much, ya? after all, if im just gonna scribble what i did for my hols, i think it shows im a lazy person, and i might as well not keep a blog! :-)

when i was young, there was a time when ppl used to think i had an eating disorder, cause i was really thin. but the thing is, during that time, ppl actually thought i looked good.

then i had my appendix out, and i was bed-bound for quite a long period of time, had to stay off solids for as long as possible. hehe so thats when i developed my attachment to KFC mash potato! :-) it was delicious and practically the only nice tasting soft food i could eat. i was 9. so naturally, without realising it, as weight had never been an issue for me, i put on a lot of weight. it didnt help that i started wearing glasses when i was 10!i changed schools to SK Tmn Melawati 2 and my confidence in my physical attractiveness plummeted and i resorted to feeling good about excelling at school.

when i entered high school, i was really big. but since i channeled all my energy to my studies, i did really well... i'm a perfectionist at heart, but it just depends which channel gets all my efforts. i used to memorise my sejarah word for word. one had to only mention the heading of a mini-chapter and i'd rattle off all the points word for word! there was a table in world geography and i cud just rattle off each and every place listed. it was scary how much i put into my studies. guys weren't much on the menu for me. hehe well, i did have a pretty serious crush, but since i was so unattractive, i never got to do anything about it.

in Form 2, Andrew and the guys told me that i scared the guys. well i think they wrote it in this book EiLeen started, where we got to write what we thought of other ppl in class. that kinda jolted me to enjoy my youth! i started paying less attention to my studies, and more to friends. when i went for Confirmation Camp, i made friends and felt good about myself. Gracie was the vain and pretty one, and since i could never compare, at parties, no one would even bother looking at me. i was the ugly, the fat one...even when my mom got the both of us contact lenses, i never wore mine.

then this one guy made a lot of changes in my life. he gave me ambition and among other things, his friendship made me more conscious of my looks and made me wanna look good. :-) so i did. i dont know how i lost the weight but i did. the tight prefect skirts, could suddenly fit properly. i even started wearing my lenses in form 5!

the period after SPM was the best months of my life! :-) i got my straight A1s (which made me feel absolutely brilliant!! hahahaha ), i got my tokoh pelajar (the much coveted and sought after award that i never thought was within my grasp!), then i went to St John's. hehe the scholarships started pouring in (even ASEAN which was just amazing!), i never felt more confident than at those months. the friends i made st johns were for keeps, Lionel being one of them! :-) it was the most amazing 2 months ever la.

then i went to INTEC. i didnt exactly think much about my weight then, i just kinda accepted i was plum, though some comments about how i was fat hurt me (from Ganesh, even something Shen-Han told wee loon once)... but i never actually let it get to me, i guess i was still riding high on the amazing months after form 5!:-)

then after INTEC, i broke up with my ex. what i went through made me drop pounds without even realising it! i took quite a number of photos before i left for Dublin, and i really liked how i looked then! so i left for Dublin not exactly the top form emotionally, but definitely still confident.

In Dublin, the trouble started. i went through quite a lot. i never minded what i ate, so i ignorantly, kept up that attitude in Dublin. i used to binge and finish one whole loaf of bread, eventhough i had already eaten lunch! i'd store packets of chocolate chip cookies, tesco chocolate wafers, cadbury chocolates and at night when i was alone in the room, i'd chomp down on them! even when i realised i was gaining weight, i'd still gobble them all down! it was so scary that i could actually tell myself not to eat, but when i was alone at night, it was like someone took over my body and i just couldn't control it, and i'd eat and only stop when the packet was empty! it didnt help that Dunnes carried one euro biscuits!

just before i left to go see ei leen in London, i weighed myself in Frances' apartment and i was a whooping 6*kgs! i was scared, i was as heavy as i was in high school! even my pants didnt fit anymore. i had to squeeze myself into slacks with fat bulging out, and i even bought a new pair of pants from gap when i was in London. i didnt know what to do, so i tried to shed the pounds on holiday but anyone with logical thinking would know that's virtually impossible. i returned to dublin looking like a whale. or an elephant. hehe whichever is more ghastly! i went to the rcsi ball looking like a huge whale! even then, i went though an emotional turmoil (loads of issues sent me into depression) and continue chomping down pizzas, cream of mushroom and garlic bread during study breaks!

when i returned home, my mom had the shock of her life! (eugene took this pic on an outing just before i came home)
i didnt really watch what i ate during that summer, but i went swimming with my mom and the pound dropped. but very slowly. emotionally, i was still a wreck. i refused to see my old school friends for a month when i came back. :-) but i think either they remember what i looked like in high school, or they're just real dolls. they didnt poke fun at me, or even laugh. i went to KLCC with Lorraine and we even got a free ice cream waffle! :-) so my confidence was undergoing repair, after all the abuse it had undergone in Dublin. i was hurt, and i ate to cover the hurt. that led to almost non-existent self esteem. and there really wasn't anyone i could turn to for help. Nal was going through her beloved grandfather's passing, and i knew if i were to tell my mom, it'd only worry her, and i really didnt want that when i was so far away. but being home, was amazing! :-) i was still fat, but like before it didnt bother me and i gained a little confidence.

when i returned to dublin during my 2nd year, i had lost a bulk of the weight i had gained, btu i was still big. so i hit the gym, and first prof really drained me. i hardly had time to eat. i was shedding the weight and i was beginning to regain esteem.
Christmas that year, i came back. Dublin has only been associated with depression for me. i dont recall ever being happy in dublin. i couldn't take the stress i was under, so i came home for christmas. i was happy at home.
but when i had to return to dublin for my First Profs, my mom understood the stress i was under, so she came to visit me. and it really really helped me alot!
when Beaumont started, ppl used to talk about my having an eating disorder cause i wasnt eating right. when i was bingeing and putting on weight, no one thought to tell me (except my best friend EiLeen who warned me when i first sent her photos of Dublin). but now that i was on the other side of the spectrum, losing weight, they decide to be concerned. Nal lost a lot of weight and she's really more confident and happy with herself now. they talked more about her. and she's right when she said these ppl weren't bothered when she was plump and not eating. but now that she was losing weight, they started talking. but there's more to it than just losing weight. i know of ppl who are blessed with high metabolisms, like my college friend, WaiQuen! :-) she's very lucky in that she can just eat whatever she wants and not put on an ounce of fat.

i didnt let it get to me. as i was shedding the pounds, i was gaining my confidence. no one knows what i went through. the emotional roller coaster and the absence of confidence. it's like people are just waiting for you to put on weight, so that they can shake their heads, laugh inside(some would just not care and laugh outwardly), and perhaps feel good about themselves. while i'd like to be able to help ppl maintain their self esteem, this time i'm going to be selfish and think about my own self confidence! believe me when i say i'd like to be able to not care about what i eat, but i've been where it's dark, when i just eat and eat without any self control. and i hated feeling like what i did at that time.
I'm in the prime of my life (or maybe slightly past it la...), and soon wrinkles and grey hair will start to plague me. i could even have kids and say bye to ever being of nice shape. :-) i'll never regain my youth, and while i hope to grow old gracefully, very few are blessed with that advantage. my sister bought me two seasons of One Tree Hill, and i think it's a very good show. not only for the plot, or the hot chad michael murray, but cause the girls are not stick thin but still stunning. it motivates me to achieving a realistic and healthy goal, and promotes a very very healthy body image. i know i dont wanna be huge, but i also need the correct guidance to know when thin is too thin.

when we go through something very very difficult, or get hurt, we retaliate by taking measures to ensure that never happens again. it's human nature. from dublin, i've learnt to never simply trust ppl, cause i got hurt. and i've learnt i never wanna have to gorge and be fat unnecessarily, and have no self esteem. it's avoidable. it's an awful place to be in. some ppl are naturally satisfied with how they look and i'm not advocating that big ppl can't be confident. but personally, i know i just don't have the innate inner self confidence to pull that off, or enough good friends around me to help me proud of myself even when i'm a whale. it's not something i'm ready or equipped to deal with. i know i'm not starving myself. i guess the message i'm trying to put across is that i can kinda get how one could become anorexic, especially perfectionists. they expect perfection from themselves in every aspect, if possible. i'm not condoning it, but let's just say, i'm more emphatic to their plight now... and i know now, more than ever, we can't judge ppl, cause no one really knows the whole story, the complete truth. so dont be so quick to play jury. concern for a friend is a whole other issue, of course. but before talking about ppl, be honest with yourself, is it really true genuine concern?

a cendol nutcase

2006-08-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

:-) ok. Daniel needed to go to some charity drive in PJ, so we were up at 6.30! dropped him off and my parents brought me to eat Dim Sum in Sg Buloh. as Frances, Desmond and Lorraine know, Dim Sum makes me a VERY happy girl...

then as we had planned to have a steamboat that evening, we walked to the wet market! hehe i havent been to one in ages and years... everything was so cheap. fruits were priced like i've never seen before. and i thought Pasar Malams had cheap stuff! all sorts of stuff to dump into a steamboat!

we headed to Carrefour next. hehe it was like being at a high class market. also quite fun... i think it's been quite a while since i've been proper grocery shopping, non-departmental store style...

then i came home to wash the fruits, and unpack everything to their rightful place in the kitchen. (i.e. the nice stuff, my favourites, would get upfront special accessible seats!)

then mummy and daddy bought back cendol! whoo hoo... as you can see from my previous post, im a cendol and air mata kucing freak! hehe

then i napped...

when i woke up, i helped my mom with some chores in the kitchen. then...

then...
then...

we washed the cars! hehe Daddy has this system, where we wet the car, then soap it, then rinse it whilst wiping it. then dry. hehe i got all wet (thats half of the fun!) and had to climb a stool to get to the roof of the crv. hehe very very fun. Mummy resorted to car gymnastics, cleaning the insides of the car.

then we had our steamboat. hehe contentment at its best!

then we watched Michael Buble in concert at Wintern Theatre LA on Astro. He's quite the entertainer! really enjoyed it. please remind me just how much i love Michael Buble so i'll remember to go to his concert if he ever sets foot on our persada...

hehe detailing it all like this, it doesn't seem like much... but what to do... i guess in some ways i'm quite easy to please. i know of other ways that i'm really tough to please. but i love today...
i'm happy

part 2 of my summer...

2006-07-25T17:32:00.000+08:00

:-)
1/ saw a little of ireland before i left. amazing piece of land God laid out there. im awe-struck, i think everyone should see ireland before venturing further.

2/ reached home and went mamak for lorraine's farewell. the dear girl left for NZ, but she's one tough lady and i know you'll do very well there, girl. hugz and only my very best wishes go with you...

3/ Michael Scofield! only the hottest man alive. hehe i admittedly have the biggest celebrity crush since high school, probably bigger than any celebrity crush i've ever had, and definitely bigger than normal celebrity crushes ppl my 'young' age have!

4/ been pigging out (def: eating and then sleeping immediately without any form of exercise. hehe a sedentary lifestyle to put all other sedentarians to shame!) really isnt my fault, malaysia's truly a melting pot of cultures and glorious FOOD!

5/ my grandma's 6*th birthday. :-) typical Eurasian fare.

6/ MegaSale Carnival. i don't know how ppl can wanna shop anywhere else in the world with such an event! i bought 5 pairs of shoes in just one day! thing is, that's not all. grounding myself for a few more days, cause money can indeed run out! :-)

7/ results were supposed to be out yesterday, but they let us live and repent and pray another 7 days. hehe must be bad for them to feel we need to pray that much more!

so there. one month down.

UPDATED
stupid safari shut down, and i lost the post. sigh... oh well...
:-) after much much laziness and procrastination, and PMS-ing, i'm back! d last post was on the 25th of July. so what have i been up to...?

8/ well, results came out on the 31st of July. :-) i'm really really happy. but the whole world doesn't need to hear me gloat about how well i feel i've done. hehe so here's the full stop '.'

9/ Gracie went back to India. I miss you sister dear... i really do...

10/ i went to Penang a week after Gracie left, just as i did last year. Desmond flew Lorraine and i up to Penang. hehe he really did. Met his friend, KaiFong. as Kenneth would say "that's his story to tell". but her mom is the kindest most generous host i've ever encountered, and i've met some pretty generous ppl in 22 years of my life! hehe her mom could only converse in chinese and as we all know, i can't. haha but that didn't stop her from buying the famous piah for me to bring home to my parents. We were there from the 8th for 4 days and we put up with Frances. i've decided im going to learn 3 routes when i get to Penang. i'll depend on other ppl's directions if i need to get anywhere else, though i doubt that'll ever happen. hehe
a. home to PMC (well, that IS why im there after all...)
b. home to swatow lane (i ravaged my fav cendol this time around, though i hardly got enough. Esther brought us! and i dont intend to let the cendols run away from me next year! who cares about the extra calories, the walk from the car to the shop in the blazing sun should take care of it, i'm hoping... hehe
c. home to gurney plaza (self explanatory really...)
Frances let us sleep in while she went to class so we never woke up earlier than 11 every morning! hehe Frances and Ji were just so sweet and amazing. met up with some other seniors too. i was soooooo touched they all took time out of their super hectic, super busy final year schedule (4th year schedule for YiZhe) to come have dinner with us. Yakked one night away with Lorraine. all in all, i had a lot of fun. i think blogging about it won't really be doing justice to the trip, so i'll just store the memories in my heart. Ask me, and who knows, if you ask nicely enough, i might just unlock it and bombard you with jsut how fun it was! hehe or as most of you dont really wanna know anyways, i'll quit this nonsensical ranting. full stop '.' hehe

11/ im working on my driving. i really really am!

12/ Prisonbreak and One Tree Hill marathon. Michael Scofield is amazing. I've watched the entire first season and i must confess, that i don't know nuts about the storylines and i dont really give two hoots! hehe any girl watching Scofield up close and personal on her laptop would know exactly what i mean! hehe and i used to think OTH was overrated. Gracie got the first two seasons for me and now i'm hooked. Chad Michael Murray gets hotter and hotter in every episode. well, i'm on holiday, there's really nothing to focus on... not my fault la... hehe and did you know wentworth miller is a smart alec in real life too???

13/ sudoku. hehe i've learnt the trade.

14/ the Haze is back with a vengence, and i've once again succumbed to it... :'( it's a tragedy really, my face is deformed and i've dubbed myself "scarface"... it's made me sooooo miserable for the past few days... forewarning everyone to expect a much deformed, less confident sarah in the new term... spread the world, dears, i've succumbed to the plague and brace yourselves for the worst... hehe ok enough drama...

15/ haven't really taken out my camera. no one seems that eager to pose these days... oh well... it's a good thing with the scarface thing that's happened... hehe

16/ i've changed my flight. with all the hype and ordeal in Heathrow karen detailed in her blog, i just could not endure the anxiety and anticipation. hehe

17/ i've gotten hooked on Air Mata Kucing from the pasar malams. hehe i drank three at one go, just last thursday!

there. that's done. two months in 15 items. i had the most amazing day ever today. it deserves a post on its own. :-) love you all... thanks so much for asking me to blog... ehhe makes me feel so wanted. hehe though dont you think my posts aren't so monotonous if i accumulate stuff to blog about and jsut blog at one go, rather than blog abt mundane day-to-day stuff abt my life on individually wrapped mundane posts?

summer's here...!!

2006-06-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

half way thru my exams...well actually the written papers are all done... it was really odd this time. i was very enthusiastic about the first papers... then they kinda screwed up the papers by asking questions from another module so it felt kinda pointless to study since all we studied didnt really come out. so i was really lazy the days preceeding friday's paper. gosh i slept so much. felt sure i was gonna regret it like mad... alas, the questions were hardly from our module either. basically all the clinical skills we studied... sigh... SO! hehe i decided to self declare my own holiday though i still have OSCE and mcqs left. hehe went to the nice Irish market in temple bar for oysters with wine and bread then moore street and the Ilac library. sigh... it's beautiful out there. Dublin's amazing now!

world cup's started. no comment! hehe
the amazing thing abt the summer is that the irish smoke less! it works out really well for me cause i love the weather and i can go jalan-jalan and they smoke less so... it's just dandy!

here's bruno's bar for gracie!

we had poileng's birthday makan that day and i celok-ed this pic from karen!

2006-06-02T20:57:00.000+08:00

Your Scholastic Strength Is Evaluating

You are great at looking at many details and putting them all together.
You are talented at detecting subtle trends, accuracy, and managing change.

You should major in:

Statistics
Speech
Conflict studies
Communication
Finance
Medicine

What Should You Major In?

Touche!

2006-06-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

1. Never do housework. No man ever loved a
woman because the house was spotless.

2. Remember: you are known by the idiot you
accompany.

3. Don't imagine you can change a man -
unless he's in diapers.

4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.

5. So many men - so many reasons not to date
any of them.

6. If they put a man on the moon, they should
be able to put them all there.

7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a
pulse.

8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too
little to be let out alone.

9. Go for younger men. You might as well. They
never mature anyway.

10. Men are all the same. They just have
different faces so you can tell them apart.

11. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has
missed the opportunity to make some woman
miserable.

12. Women don't make fools of men. Most of
them are the do-it-yourself types.

13. The best way to get a man to do something
is to suggest they are too old for it.

14. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-
opener.

15. If you want a committed man, look in a
mental hospital.

16. The children of Israel wandered around the
desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men
wouldn't ask for directions.

17. If he asks what sort of books you're
interested in, tell him checkbooks.

18. Remember a sense of humor does not
mean that you tell him jokes, it means you
laugh at his.

19. Sadly, all men are created equal.

20. When he asks you if he's your first date,
tell him "You may be, you look familiar.

darn, i miss those times...

2006-05-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

cilok-ed this picture whilst browsing through ei leen's old posts... darn, girl, i miss those times!!!
so much has changed, but everytime i go through those posts, i can't help but admire the A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E. we had back then. now, everyone's matured so much, and blossomed into ppl with more individualism, so much has changed since then... but i know i'll always keep those times very close to my heart!
lorraine, gosh it's been ages since i've seen you, girl!
i'm just glad that you all are happy where you are... can't wish for anything more for ppl forever so dear to me...

take me back home... send me back to when i was happy...!

this just makes me smile...

2006-05-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

Beautiful Ireland and International Night...

2006-05-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

:-) gosh i has been almost a month since i've blogged, but i'm a self professed lazy bum. ehhe so sue me! :-)
Don't really have much to say, but i think if i don't upload the photos i have now, i'll never get to it! :-)

Ireland...

International Night... we danced to Jay Chou's song for JetLi's movie, Fearless
more drama on the days leading up to it rather than the night itself i think... but beautiful place, breathtaking setting...

Last Christmas...

take me home...!!!

The flowers are in full bloom and i'm a year older!

2006-04-16T15:20:00.000+08:00

:-) well technically, i've already been inching towards been a year older for a long time dee, it's just that that day was the treshold.

for my birthday, i wanted to go to Howth for a day trip on the first day of our holidays, but that was shortlived cause of the transport constraints and everyone having veery varied schedules. but my friends made me very happy. the night before, nal, sham, sharon, lorraine, xin-yi, alex, kenneth, wanjean, junmay, darvin and han (gosh i so hope im not forgetting anyone...) surprised me with a cheesecake, and the world's most beautiful hamper, as far as i'm concerned! it was a potpourri of body butter, face mask, soap, the works, just the kinda stuff i love to pamper myself with! truly amazing, and they really know what i like! (love you all!!!). then on my birthday,i went shopping with laysan and lorraine, malcolm and nabil before i was supposed to meet the rest for a picnic in the park, but that wasn't to be. so we ended up at my favourite restaurant at the top of Stephen's Green Mall, facing the park. i really feel like i'm on top of the world there, or even in a little part of heaven that God left to dangle near earth. hehe i've seen beautiful twin rainbows, my Mummy's been there with me, have had lovely conversations to keep there too! and this time, i had the ppl close to me there. even shirley came all the way. eugene and abhi turned up and i have got to say that means a lot to me... sharon, kahlay and victor were headed to galway but they turned up still (i'm realy so touched!). and wanjean and junmay came after their cardsigning. the rest took time off from their busy lives to share the joy of my ageing with me! :-) then later, a few of us strolled in the park. even thinking about it now, a smile curves on my lips! Mummy and Godma's parcel arrived that evening too! LaySan gave me the sweetest choker. i wore it in this pic... :-)

then, on the 10th, we flew to amsterdam! there were 11 of us RCSI-ians in the plane i think. :-) that was nice, felt like almost our own personal shuttle plane! :-) we did so many things in the three days we were there, i think i'll just bullet them all...
Day One
a. we got lost trying to find the hostel, and walked waaaaaay further than we needed to. but we found it. a cosy little thing too, and we explored amsterdam Rokin without realising it.
b. we met up with terry and limy and took a canal cruise
c. visited the much talked about Sex Museum! hehehe (it was exaggerated that it wasnt erotic, just quite funny)
d. dinner, then the Red Light District (no photos allowed i think) we went into this one shop and the guy guessed that we were Malaysians, and he actually said that Malaysian girls are horny , then he made up for that comment by saying we were hot also la (though probably a gimmick to con us into buying his T-shirts!)
e. Torture Museum (i had to control myself from running out of there. the place made me very very uncomfortable, to say the least...

Day Two
a. tourist info centre in the Central Station. hehe
b. Rijkmuseum (pronounced Rex) (quite lovely Rembrant paintings and stuff we learnt about the Dutch and Indonesia and VOC in our history books!
c. Heineken Factory

d. Rushed like mad back to the Museumplein for our tour to the Cheese Factory, Volendam (and some fishing village, unless they're both the same... hehe). Limy did a very good job of stalling the bus and we're so very sorry! the cheeses were amazing! i fell in love with cheese again! the smoked one was nice, but not half as nice as the herbs and garlic. oooooohhhh
e. we were truly beat at the end that we had dinner in a Greek restaurant and headed back to our hostel, where we yakked and gossipped and yakked some more for about 3 hours! :-)

Day Three
a. Albert Cuypstraat market (lovely lovely tea, Asian stuff like pounder, spices etc, fish galore, flowers - all kinda like our Pasar Malam only the weather's nice and cool)
b. Anne Frank's House
---->HIGHLIGHT: we saw a Prince William look-a-like, though he was quite short. took two photos of him too! :-)

c. Keukenhof!!! -a truly Dutch experience. kinda like the epitome of Amsterdam!

d. we breezed through Van Gogh Museum, where Nal almost got caught taking a photo of one of his masterpieces, but the guard actually let her take, though he asked to wait for him to walk away first...
e. headed home...

Easter's here. i really really wish i was at home. we used to get dinner, then get ready then head to church, chop place early, then get our candles, then the light would go off, and the Easter candle will be lit, then the altar servers would take the flame on their own candles, then pass it to the rest.. and the whole church would be swept in candle light.. sigh... then the bells would toil and ring loud and gleefully... easter vigil in st teresa's was nice too.. the choir was amazing with a violin and dunno what other instruments... but it still wasn't home...
Happy Easter, everyone!!

Spring is here!!!

2006-04-02T13:18:00.000+08:00

Today's my Daddy's birthday. I know almost every child would gush and say that their Dad is the best in the world, but i really really am proud of my dad. Daddy loves us way more than we could even begin to learn to love him. He gives us anything we ask for, i don't remember my Dad ever saying No, but i feel and hope that that has made me wary about what i ask for! :-) At the back of my mind, i think my Dad must have tuang-ed the parenting classes where they taught Dads how to discipline their kids! hehe Daddy scolds us occasionally but only when Mummy feels we did something wrong. hehe
A little history----> JS Khong was born on the 2nd of April 1953 to my grandparents(hehe forgot their names). the 4th child of 7 and the third son. He went off to Setapak High School in KL as one of my grandfather's friends saw that my dad had potential and was excelling at school. There, my dad was the ultimate guy la i think. hehe he was good looking, very intelligent and he was an athlete too!(state level football, basketball, badmindton even foosball in college!). There are certain moments in my dad's life like when he scored a perfect score in his Aeronautical engineering class in uni, solving questions his seniors had problems with, his scholarship, being offered a place on the spot when he was invited to view the Masters program by a judge on the panel he had to face for his first class honours. that my dad had impressed. Then my dad joined the air force to fulfil the clause of his scholarship, and met my mom.. hehe then they had me!!! My dad doted on me, there are albums-load of pics of my dad and i. When he started getting busier at work, i remember waiting for him to return from work so we could all go for a bicycle ride in the park, then hanging on the grill waiting for my dad to return from an overseas trip, i also remember following my dad to work once when he had to go on a saturday (hehe daddy actually let me sit in the cockpit of an air force aircraft, then i remember seeing aeroplanes without their coats of paint the raw kind, then playing the fool with daddy's many chairs in his adjoining meeting room), i remember my dad getting mad when we joining this modelling competition back in standard four, hehe it was till district level i think. hehe one thing i really admire in my dad is his persistance, he has been driving for one hour each way everyday o Subang for the past 21 years! Daddy used to drive me to college too in the 4th semester of INTEC. But i think Daddy skipped the class on how to scare daughters' boyfriends away too. hehe As i see the weathered lines on my Daddy's face and think of everything he's been through for our sakes, i really hope he can retire comfortably as he deserves that much! and i really really hope i can make him proud. i love you Daddy!
okay. hehe recap of the week!
i. Spring is here. on my daily walk into Beaumont Hospital from the bus stop, i noticed that the sidewalks are actually infested with worms, flattened some half-alive wriggling worms!!!! hehe yuck they're really disgusting and scary... but the spring flowers are out... :-) the sun stays out longer there are so many reasons to smile these days... :-)

ii. i was reading SIdney Sheldon's "Nothing Lasts Forever" and it's been ages since i was that engrossed in a book! it's amazing. but a thought occurred to me. it's really difficult to apply PBL or self directed learning in uni esp if the student is an avid reader. in books everything we need to know abt the story is handed to us on a silver platter. if there's a detail essential to the ending of the story, it'll be there. any questions u have is answered (if not, the book would just be dismissed as not being good!) and the questions themselves are 'wormed' (hehe) into our line of thought! can they really blame students for being used to spoon feeding???

iii. i went to the library in Ilac Centre in Dublin One. wow... hehe i've been searching for Mills and Boon novels (hehe if u can call trashy stories like that 'novels'!) high and low in dublin, even resorting to ordering online (but the transaction never went through!) and there were MnB books in the library!! hehe two whole shelves too! hehe add that on to the nice nice Dublin weather, im motivated to join!

One week to go to our spring holidays!!!

i love everything Disney!!!

2006-03-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

every year, my sister's birthday comes on March 18th and then i'll start the countdown for my own birthday and for about three weeks, we'd be the same age! :-) (always feel an extra special closeness fo gracie around this time of the year).
so since today's the 25th, i've been anticipating my birthday for quite a few days already, i'd whine about growing old to everyone who'd listen, half serious, until, as it does every year, it dawns unto me that my birthday is actually really really coming...

this year, i found out about Disney on Ice in Dublin on my birthday and i was really hyped out about dragging all my too-sweet-to-say-no, and darling-to-the-point-of-wanting-to-please-me, friends to the Point Theatre. then since they're only showing little mermaid, peter pan, lilo and stitch(i didnt even watch this!!) and one other cartoon, none of my favourites: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty & the Beast (gosh, with the emphasis on beauty, is it any wonder that girls grow up obsessed about looking pretty and being all vain???), i'm not very keen myself. i just hope the weather warms up enough to have a pleasant day.

then the moment of truth for 2006 hit me! i was browsing through friendster, in one account, when i saw the birthday alert for my other account! my heart starting racing, i started hyperventilating, the whole sympathetic rxn works! i just had to come here to vent, as im not really sure which of my friends are up at this hour on a saturday morning... but i'll be 22 in less than two weeks... the horrors!!! 22... that's old... really really old.. 21 is just nice and rebellious and ppl expect you to be irresponsible. 22 hails only responsibility and disappointment if u fail to deliver. back in school, some used to say i was matured far beyond my age. i think after i left school, in an attempt to regain my youth, i became way too girly girl and immatured and childish to make up for the lost years. i really feel so inept to face the world, so lost. i don't think i know who i am either, or what makes me happy. it was a pickle to figure out something i wanna do for my birthday, cause i don't even know what will make me smile (and i mean really smile from the bottom of my heart...). perhaps,im not childish, just a bit jaded by what i had to endure the past two years... i've had more drama in the past two years than i have in the 5 years i was in high school. i'm sure there were a significant amount of tribulations back in school, but the face that i only remember the fun and sweet memories, harbours a hope that i might emerge from this cloud, only slightly scarred but otherwise happy...
bottom line is, im not ready. so if anyone has a way of freezing time and delaying the onset of my birthday, can a little more time for reflection be my birthday gift...? i think that's really all i want...

i know the answer is God. i know i have to let Him take over my life before i'm able to fully and truly be happy. but i feel it's so much easier said than done...

ghosts and such...

2006-03-25T18:19:00.001+08:00

the past weeks have been hectic to say the least. i can't remember the last time i had to endure such a gruelling timetable, esp when there was no exam looming ahead. But medicine is fun. we learn so much, and i don't really feel tired even after my sixth hour of class, but the exhaustion of travelling and all really kicks in after i take my much-deserved warm shower. oh the feeling's amazing, after which i feel so clean that all i wanna do i crawl under my duvet and never come out!!! :-) the weather's been erratic and very cold, we whine daily about it, about it's March (and by right, from our Geography lessons, it should be spring by now, and well i've heard that spring isn't supposed to be as cold, and that snow was reserved for winter.. eheh but it isnt! hehehehe ). well, yesterday i was just sitting in the coffee dock, feeling quite out of place, very lost and pretty useless, then nabil and platini were talking to me and i just HAD to ask platini if singapore really was as haunted as i've read in Russell Lee's book. then he started telling me some stories he read, with nabil adding in sound effects. i think i'm pretty masochistic when it comes to horror, i know it freaks me out, yet if it presents itself in front of me, i wouldn't turn away. not that i'd go looking for trouble or anything, but there's a certain allure about the rush that accompanies adrenaline. then they mentioned horror movies, Dark Water being one of them. so anyways, that was that.. or so i thought.
i knocked off to sleep and was only 50% conscious till the time i gave in to sleep. (what i'm trying to say here is that i was dead tired... hehe). then i had the creepiest dream... i had a few of my friends over at my apartment(can't remember exactly who). but then suddenly this group of guys knocked on my apartment door and told me that this really young caucasian girl that looked like she was really really worried and had the world's problems burdening her. i knelt down and ask her if she was ok. then she told me that (all this is really vague) she just returned from a holiday (i think it was india or somewhere around there) where she met this one ghost by the name of Inderjit and he's been haunting her ever since. according to the darling girl, he needed me (he was quite specific about asking me) to retrieve this one vase (or some religious thing) and bring it to where he was for the repose of his soul and a few others and that if i didnt, HE'S START HAUNTING ME UNTIL AND UNLESS I DID! i don't remember what became of the girl after that, but i remember telling nal and she told me to dismiss it as nonsense, until i mentioned the name of the vase (it was in a different language) and she reluctantly recognised the significance of the vase. in my dream, for days i was worried about being haunted. i was afraid to be alone, and kept looking around, afraid of what my eyes might catch.
the sun rose very early, as it has been doing for days, around 6. so i was up very early. then this dream came back to me...
Moral of the nightmare: never never discuss horror stories, esp now that i'm not home
(and lateral moral: avoid nabil and platini!!!! ;-))

ghosts and such...

2006-03-25T18:19:00.000+08:00

WARNING: Long post ahead ---->

2006-03-05T20:01:00.000+08:00

When i entered Form 1 at SMKTM, the student population comprised mainly of those of us from SKTM2 and a whole new group of ppl from SKTM1. Among the latter group was Andrew and i remember him because his friends made quite a big hoo-haa about Andrew being in a Smarties commercial. Towards the end of high school, my perception of Andrew changed drastically and i developed a profound respect for him. Besides being a surprisingly good friend to me, one who's there whenever i needed someone to talk to, Andrew's a Christian whose Christian values i've grown to really look up to. It isnt so much how he invites every Tom Dick and Harry to church and gets them to sit up and listen to God, instead it's how he holds so strongly to his principles and values in life, never imposing it on others and never never judging. I don't profess to know him really well, or to even see the good deeds he does cause i see him so rarely these days.

and my whole point is this... Andrew never imposes any preaching on us. and it's for this reason that when i received this email of his, in his plight against piracy, that i actually took the time to read through it and to post it here. His points are all valid, you and i and everyone in the world know this. the only difference is that Andrew was brave enough to sit up and listen, stand up and take action. And i choose not to turn a deaf ear to it, nor to cast my eyes downwards in shame. i may not be as brave as him, but i'll help in whatever way i can...

and for those who don't know andrew, and are thinking that he is a boring person who has nothing better to do, take it from me, or anyone who ever had the privilege of knowing him, he's fun, he makes us laugh at our Mamak sessions, even in school, his wisecracks tickled even the strictest teachers.

so here goes...:

To my peers

I have recently made a decision to make a stand against piracy. I know some of you may think I'm crazy (and maybe some of you will say "finally"), but I don't care. My view on life has changed, and with it, my priorities and focus. I choose the difficult path to being one step closer to righteousness, and I know what I'm doing is right. I choose to try, and I will try harder, to be a wholly surrendered vessel that can be used by God. I want to be ready for God's movement when it comes, and I'm taking sure and planned steps to prepare myself. Throwing away my DVD's, pirated games, software and other stuff will be difficult, but now I know, and truly understand why king Solomon said that everything under the sun is meaningless. Attached with this letter is an essay I wrote to present to you, my case against piracy in hopes that some of you may rise and stand with me, and together perhaps, we can change our generation, and even our nation. If I slave and labour futilely alone against piracy, then so be it. I know where my rewards are. However, I challenge you to take your time to read it and consider, just consider the implications, if I'm right.

God bless.

Andrew Tan

ps: Feel free to pass this on to your peers if you want to, and feel free to correct me in places that I may be wrong.

My case, and war against piracy.

Points :

• It is against the law – There is no gray issue here. The laws of our country and others clearly state that it is illegal to possess trade or use pirated goods. As Christians, we are to submit to authority. We must acknowledge that God is sovereign, and he has placed us under governments for a reason. The only possible reason for Christians to break the law would be if the law of the world defies the word of God. I’m very sure the bible does not have any commands or directives that allow us to break the law in this manner. Some may argue that if this is the case, and we should submit to authority, then what if countries ban the bible and preaching the gospel? The answer is simple. Jesus says in Mat 28 : 18-20 “And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, all authority is given to Me in Heaven and in earth. Therefore go and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things, whatever I commanded you. And, behold, I am with you all the days until the end of the world. Amen.” There is no conflict. God’s command is greater than all.

• It is stealing – People have invested much time and effort into producing the product that we so easily and readily purchase copies of. Does the bible allow stealing? Obviously not, as it is written so clearly in the 10 commandments. Every pirated product we buy/copy or download means money NOT going into the pockets of the rightful people who worked for it. The bible says in 2The 3 : 10 “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this, that if anyone would not work, neither should he eat.” Similarly, if we do not want to pay for something, then neither should we enjoy it. To give a crude illustration of this, Imagine the water department builds a pipe to your house. You pay your monthly bills and you enjoy a reliable supply of water. Then, imagine a stranger comes, breaks open the pipe, and connects it to his house. Your water pressure drops. The water department may even cut the water supply if they find out about it. How would you feel? Bringing it a little closer to the current generation, how would you feel is someone sets up his laptop near your house and steals your Wi-Fi bandwidth? Or perhaps see it this way, buying pirated products means you’re paying others to steal. For you. Your hands are no cleaner than the pirates themselves.

• It is hypocrisy - A sin is a sin. There are no BIG sins or small sins. We as Christians judge others when we see abortions, when we see homosexuality, when we see terrorist killing people, when we read of rape, murder, robbery, deception, corruption, and the list goes on. Guess what, if we indulge in piracy, I believe we are no better in God’s eyes. We judge others, whose sins may be more provoking, but yet, we are no better than the white-washed Pharisees of Jesus’ time. No small comparison when we know that they are the ones who called for Christ crucifixion. Mat 7:3 says “And why do you look on the splinter that is in your brother's eye, but do not consider the beam that is in your own eye?” Before we continue judging others. I believe there’s a need for us to first, judge ourselves.

• It is probably affecting us spiritually – I cannot help but feel strongly that this war against piracy is not only fought physically, but also in the spiritual realm and dimension. Mat 12:43-45 says “When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he walks through dry places seeking rest, and finds none. Then he said, I will return into my house from where I came out. And when he has come, he finds it empty, swept, and decorated. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter in and live there. And the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so it also shall be to this evil generation.” Notice how it brings the illustration of an unclean spirit in a man, and links it to a generation. What if “piracy” is an unclean spirit/s assigned to our generation? How corrupted have we allowed ourselves to be then? If it be true, then we have swallowed hook, line and sinker of Satan’s trap. So often people can blame gambling, sexual immorality, rebellion, etc on spirits. Why not piracy? Perhaps it is time for us to look again at the things we have become so accustomed to and comfortable with. If piracy is indeed a spirit, then this generation has to first rid itself of it before it can be filled fully with the things of God. Eph 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the world's rulers, of the darkness of this age, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

• Piracy corrupts - Mat 12:33 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree corrupt and its fruit corrupt; for the tree is known by its fruit.” In my opinion, piracy has become the biggest corrupting factor for today’s generation in our region. For example, piracy has made readily available, media that is uncensored, unmoderated, uncertified, all at an affordable price. Materials otherwise banned by our government, and almost always for good reason. Influence of movies, music, TV serials, etc has increased many fold, simply because the current generation is constantly bombarded with them. This leads to rapid moral decline, trapping the generation in a sinking spiral. When we compromise something like piracy, we have already given a foothold for the devil to work his way into our minds. Satan seeks to make us corrupt. I believe piracy is one of his greatest tools. Not only does it corrupt us by blurring the edges of outright theft, it also indirectly corrupts our morality, our integrity, our spirituality and our ability to hear God’s voice.

• Mighty men and women of God are righteous - 1Pe 3:12 “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears open to their prayers. But the Lord's face is against those who do evil.“, Jam 5:16 “Confess faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous one avails much”. We often ask ourselves why God can use certain people with such great power, and why we don’t see the reality of this power that Jesus has promised us in Joh 14:12 “Truly, truly, I say to you, He who believes on Me, the works that I do he shall do also, and greater works than these he shall do, because I go to My Father.” I believe one of the reasons is because these men and women have set standards of righteousness. They strive and pursue the goal to be like Christ, who is without sin. Surely Gods power can move in us even though we are not perfect, but a pure and holy vessel will be more readily used by God. 2Ti 2:19 “Nevertheless the foundation of God stands sure, having this seal: "The Lord knew those who are His." And, "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity!" But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honor, and some to dishonor. Therefore if anyone purges himself from these, he shall be a vessel to honor, sanctified and useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. But flee youthful lusts, and follow righteousness, faith, love, peace, with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” I believe if we want to see God’s power work in us, some standards of righteousness should be set, and piracy MUST be dealt with. 1Co 15:34 “Be righteously awake, and sin not; for some have ignorance of God. I speak this to your shame.”

• It is a bondage – Piracy has weaved itself and has become so intertwined with our daily lives, that it has mutated into a form of bondage. Ask anyone to stop their acts of piracy, and the effects will be clear and obvious. They will immediately seek ways to defend themselves, and when they are proven wrong, they will choose to ignore you, and feign ignorance. It has become so difficult for many to leave this lifestyle behind.

Excuses :

• I can use the money I save for God – Total rubbish. The idea of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor has nothing to do with God. If God had allowed this, Jesus would have asked Zaccheus to tax even more so he can give to the ministry. It is disgusting to think that people actually think they can steal from others, and give what they have stolen to God.

• It is convenient – Indeed piracy has made things so convenient for us. Why bother driving the whole family to the cinema, when a single pirated DVD bought from the peddler who approached you at the hawker center can make everyone happy at home? Why buy the whole CD when I only want one song? The fact is, none of these excuses are justified in this current age, because through technology, it is just as convenient to purchase original DVD’s, MP3’s and etc. Besides, making things convenient for ourselves is the first sign that we’re slipping into complacency. Just like how many people nowadays treat God as just another convenience. If convenience were the law to live by, then there would be lawlessness.

• The original is too expensive – A very simple answer for this is, if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. We do NOT need movies. We do NOT need MP3’s, we do NOT need TV series, branded shoes, pirated T-shirts, fake watches, etc. Mat 6:19-21 “Do not lay up treasures on earth for yourselves, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal. But lay up treasures in Heaven for yourselves, where neither moth nor rust corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” The bible clearly states that all this material things that we hunger after, from entertainment to clothes, have no value, and so there is no reason for us to want it in the first place. If it is indeed too expensive, then live without it, or work for it. Besides, piracy generally leads to less legitimate sales, which leads to lower profits, which leads to even higher prices to cover costs. If piracy would be eradicated today, Prices of many things would certainly balance out and start being more affordable.

• Everyone does it - Rom 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove by you what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God.” Jesus calls us to be the salt and the light of the world. If we as Christians conform to the standards of the ungodly, than what difference can we make? What right do we have to preach the life changing message of Christ, if we ourselves, are no different from the world? We should be the leaders, and not the followers, and as leaders, we should lead the world to paths of righteousness. Not following them into sin and thievery.

• I can’t wait to watch the show – Perhaps then we should ask ourselves if it really is necessary for us to watch that movie, listen to that song, or catch that series. Does it in any way edify God? What do we actually miss? The fact is, as Christians these things should mean nothing to us. If they mean so much, that you just have to ignore God’s word, then I believe your priorities need to be re-evaluated, and you need to check who is God in your life, and who is God to you.

• I cannot find the original – This argument is invalid in today’s context, as almost anything is available for us to buy online. If it is not, then once again, we should question ourselves if we really need it.

• I just want to try it and see – We can always watch trailers, research and read about it, ask opinions of others and download/listen to demos. It does not justify stealing. Otherwise, I can say that I just want to try what it feels like to be rich, so I rob the bank. There are legitimate means of trying and testing a product. We have no excuse for doing things the illegal way.

FAQ :

• What about files and things I already have? - Jos 7:19-26 “And Joshua said to Achan, My son, I pray you, give glory to Jehovah, the God of Israel, and make confession to Him. And tell me now what you have done. Do not hide it from me. And Achan answered Joshua and said, Indeed I have sinned against Jehovah, the God of Israel, and this I have done. When I saw among the spoil a goodly robe of Shinar, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight, I coveted them and took them. And behold, they are hidden in the earth in the middle of my tent, and the silver under it. And Joshua sent messengers, and they ran into the tent. And behold, it was hidden in his tent, and the silver under it. And they took them out of the middle of the tent, and brought them to Joshua, and to all the sons of Israel. And they laid them out before Jehovah. And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver, and the garment, and the wedge of gold, and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep, and his tent, and all that he had. And they brought them to the valley of Achor. And Joshua said, Why have you troubled us? Jehovah shall trouble you this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. And they raised over him a great heap of stones to this day. And Jehovah turned from the greatness of His anger. Therefore, the name of that valley is called, The Valley of Grief, to this day.” I believe that if God says no, we should have no relation to whatever that was forbidden. Achan did not do anything with the things he took, but kept and hid them. His sin was disobedience, and the consequence of it was he and everything he had was destroyed.

• What about pirated clothes/shoes/etc? – I share the same sentiments about other pirated products besides digital ones. In the end, Basically we are still robbing people of reaping the fruits of their labor, and paying those who conveniently steal ideas and designs.

• What about sharing music with people to practice in church? – In my opinion, we can all live without it. If you claim that it helps you play better, then here’s a better suggestion, buy the scores, and learn how to read and interpret them correctly. Otherwise, you can always buy the CD, or perhaps if there was enough support, one day Christian music can be found commercially on legitimate sites like Apple’s iTunes.

• What about duplicating copies of something I bought as backup? – If you’re not selling or distributing the copies, then I believe it is alright. This is also in accordance to the law of the country.

• What about singing copyrighted songs in church (eg : HillSongs)? – There are always legitimate ways of doing things. It is only up to us if we want to do things the right way, or ignore them for our own convenience. If ever in doubt, always check with the owner of the copyrighted material.

• What about downloading TV series? They will show it on TV anyway – Some reason that if ultimately they will get to watch it, then what’s the difference? The difference is, watching it on national television you are paying for the show by having to sit through the advertisements. Also, our government has provided us with a blessing that is often criticized, which is censorship and ratings system. Downloading from sources not regulated by the government means we are bypassing their control, which exposes us to temptations and sin of the lustful human body.

• What about things that I cannot buy in Malaysia (eg : Movies)? – If the product is not available in Malaysia, then it must either be too obscure or deemed unsuitable by the government. In the first case, there are always online sites where you can purchase original copies of the product. If it has been banned, then what possible righteous reason can we give for wanting/needing it? Movies are not a necessity.

• What about things that are designed to look like something else (branded) but does not claim to be, or have any relation to that product (eg : a BATA shoe looking like a NIKE )? – I believe we can always tell if the business we are purchasing our goods from is legitimate or not. It’s very obvious that NIKEY shoes in Petaling Street are of illegal means, while a BATA shoe comes from a legitimate business, which means legal action can be taken against them for copyright and design infringements by the rightful parties. Hence it can be assumed that legitimate businesses would not purposefully copy and pirate a product and put it for sale. However if still in doubt and your conscience bugs you, then the simplest answer would be to walk away and buy something else.

• What if someone gave me something pirated? What do I do with it? – Perhaps with human emotions coming into play in regards to gift, this can be a very sensitive issue to deal with, but I believe there are very practical, if difficult answers. Firstly, we could destroy it, plain and simple. Secondly, we could return the gift to the giver, and explain humbly your stand on piracy. This way, people will begin to see a difference in your standards, and the world. This way, people will begin to question their own standards. This way, we can actually create a culture that will frown upon piracy. I believe the wrong thing to do would be to give it to someone else as a gift.

Why I want to do it (summary):

God has called us to be the light of the world. If we do not differentiate ourselves from the ways of this world, then we are no better, and perhaps worse, because we know it is wrong, yet still defy it. We should be setting the standards for the world to follow. We should be shining God’s light at the path that people should take. We should be, but are we?

I believe the standard of purity needs to be raised among ourselves. Why? Because multiple people and signs are pointing towards something major happening spiritually in our region this year, and I believe for it to come into greatest effect, we should purify ourselves, and prepare our hearts to be filled with the things of God. If we are still so complacent about stealing, then surely we are not ready for God’s movement. I want to be a part of this movement of God, and I don’t want to rob myself of this chance to be an impact to the nation just because of some sources of temporary entertainment. Even if go at it alone, and revival still breaks forth as God is all powerful, I lose nothing, and gain integrity. I know for sure God sees. And I know for sure my rewards will be in heaven. Psa 24:3 “Who shall go up into the hill of Jehovah? Or who shall stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart; who has not lifted up his soul to vanity, and has not sworn deceitfully.” Surely God can use anyone and anything, but even more surely God can use a surrendered obedient vessel to even greater things.

What we have on this earth, our experiences, our joy, sadness, pain, it is all temporal. What is a hundred plus years on earth when compared to the prospect of reigning eternally with God? Think about it, what is working one full day in the sun, with no food, water and shelter, when you can retire for the rest of your life? Why do we find it so cruelly normal to slave everyday at our workplace, then enjoy one or two days of rest, but cannot see that life on earth is like a “day” of work for the kingdom of heaven, and a “hundred years” of reward, glory and honor? Our lifetime on this earth is so small, yet it is the only thing God asks that we surrender our lives to him. Have we really surrendered ourselves? Let us not be so focused on what we can get for ourselves on this earth, but on what we can gain in the kingdom of God. I’m sure if we get this right, God will bless us on earth till overflowing. Luk 6:20-23 “And lifting up His eyes to His disciples, He said, Blessed are the poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when men shall hate you, and when they shall cut you off, and when they shall reproach you and shall cast out your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy. For behold, your reward is great in Heaven. For so their fathers did according to these things to the prophets.”

Looking at the big picture, I see the significance of trying my best to set things right, if only the things that are made obvious to me. Hopefully, as I progress, God will reveal more that needs to be done, and God willing, with his strength, I will carry out his will. But as for now, I can hear clearly a clarion call of war against piracy, and I want to rise up and take a stand, a stand that I feel has been conveniently ignored, and by ignoring, we as a Body of Christ have been significantly weakened. Before we think of taking spiritual warfare to the gates of the enemy, let us purify ourselves, lest we fall into the same mistakes that befell the army of Israel. It is just as difficult for me, perhaps even more than some others, to leave this culture of piracy behind, but in the end, I know it will be worth it. If no one wants to voice out, then let me be the voice of reason calling for change. Let’s not look at this matter lightly anymore, but let us address it with a firm resolve, because years of compromise have weakened us to the point of acceptance of sin staring at our face.

My action plan against piracy:

• Get rid of all my illegal mp3’s .

• Delete my illegally downloaded videos and series.

• Throw away all my pirated discs.

• Stop buying/downloading/ pirated products or copying files illegally.

• Replace my pirated software with original versions.

• Hold myself accountable by letting others know my stand, so they can remind me in my moment of weakness, and at the same time, bring to their awareness about this issue.

• Sign up for services such as iTunes so that I can legally purchase MP3’s and other commonly pirated products in the future.

• Try my best to accomplish all of that in a timeframe of 3 months.

• Pray for God to help me.

Other things I must do :

• I must remind myself that if I accomplish this, it does not give me any right to judge others.

• Pray and watch for the coming movement of God, and be ready to be a part of it.

• Keep my ears, eyes and heart open to God, to hear what more he has to say for me to do.

Mal 3 “Behold, I will send My messenger, and He will clear the way before Me. And Jehovah, whom you seek, shall suddenly come to His temple, even the Angel of the Covenant, in whom you delight. Behold, He comes, says Jehovah of Hosts. But who can endure the day of His coming? And who shall stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap. And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. And He shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may be offerers of a food offering in righteousness to Jehovah. Then the food offering of Judah and Jerusalem shall be pleasing to Jehovah, as in the days of old and as in former years. And I will come near you to judgment. And I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those who extort from the hired laborer's wages, and turning away the widow, and the orphan, the alien, and not fearing Me, says Jehovah of Hosts. For I am Jehovah, I change not. Because of this you sons of Jacob are not destroyed. From the days of your fathers, you have turned aside from My statutes, and have not kept them. Return to Me, and I will return to you, says Jehovah of Hosts. But you say. In what way shall we return? Will a man rob God? Yet you have robbed Me. But you say, In what have we robbed You? In the tithe and the offering! You are cursed with a curse; for you are robbing Me, the nation, all of it. Bring all the tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house. And test Me now with this, says Jehovah of Hosts, to see if I will not open the windows of Heaven for you, and pour out a blessing for you, until there is not enough room. And I will rebuke your devourer, and he shall not decay the fruit of your ground against you; nor shall your vine miscarry against you in the field, says Jehovah of Hosts. And all nations shall call you blessed; for you shall be a delightful land, says Jehovah of Hosts. Your words have been strong against Me, says Jehovah. Yet you say, What have we spoken against You? You have said, It is vain to serve God; and, What profit is it that we have kept His charge, and that we have walked as mourners before Jehovah of Hosts? And now we are calling the arrogant blessed. Not only are the doers of wickedness built up, they also test God, and escape. Then those fearing Jehovah spoke together, each man to his neighbor. And Jehovah listened and heard. And a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who feared Jehovah, and for those esteeming His name. And they shall be Mine, says Jehovah of Hosts, for the day that I will make up My treasure. And I will pity them as a man has pity on his son who serves him. Then you shall again see the difference between the righteous and the wicked, between him who serves God, and him who does not serve Him.”

Andrew Tan – 26th February 2006

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a toast to a wonderful one month break...

2006-02-26T00:27:00.000+08:00

:-) (i'm well-rested and raring to go that i'm going to start this post with a smile and a beam for the world...)
ei leen said that i hardly update my blog. hehe can't help but agree with her, and i foresee even less frequent updates with the dawn of the new term on Monday.
i was dreading this new semester cause we'd have to commence classes in Beaumont Hospital which is a half an hour bus ride away(i think, maybe more...) and we're all split into these groups of 30 and a subgroup of 10, and we pretty much move around in those groups, we'll attend lectures together, even take breaks together while the other groups are in session. these are the ppl who'll be with me for the remaining one year journey here in dublin. (it's quite sad that i have only one year left here!!!). we're planning to go to amsterdam for the Easter hols as it'll be our last spring in Dublin. oh well... oh anyways... it's a whole new semester, with a whole new schedule, whole new bunch of friends and a whole new wardrobe! hehe i was having trouble accepting this new change, and the anticipation is horrible, but i went to print out the timetable to get a clearer view(kinda like how i need to list down all i need to cover before an exam before i'm able to start studying and to ease the panic and pressure), and it's not all that bad. i'm actually very excited abt my first clinical observation this coming wednesday. i'd get to enter a theatre in scrubs and all!! oooooooh can hardly wait! will have to charge my camera to bring to beaumont from now on! so many new experiences and adventures!
there's a lot of things in my mind right now, but i think instead of boring everyone with my thoughts-unscrambling on my blog,i think perhaps i should sit down and think and sort through my thoughts before coming back.
hehe some more mira just told me my blog's length and difficult to read.. sigh...
will revamp it soon, dear... ehhe
be right back!

just a forward i picked up in friendster...

2006-02-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

i know it's not nice to read the same forward over and over again, but i like posting the ones that really get to me here, to immortalise them and for easy access. so i apologise if i'm boring anyone, but it's amazing that just when i feel the world has exhausted its creative juices and that the same ones are circulating over and over again, a new one pops up. this one made me smile...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteouslyfor hours as the farmer
tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided
the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to
retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help
him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel
dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what
was happening and cried horribly. Then, to
everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked
down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would
shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt
on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take
a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well
and happily trotted off!

(my note:though if u think about it, the well is no more... and if the farmer didn't sacrifice the well, the donkey would have just died in there... though the stench would force him to sacrifice the well. i guess, what i'm trying to say is that the donkey's freedom didnt come free...)

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to

getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a
step up. Each of our

troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the
deepest wells just by

not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take
a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never
happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

You have two choices...smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to spread the
fun. I know what I did!!

"Challenges are what make life interesting,
overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

i've actually, really been tagged!

2006-02-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

oh how fun! hehe
just got back from a european tour with my mummy. but i've become accustomed and bored of architecture, not much impresses me anymore, it's like everything's nice and great and amazing, how much nicer can the nicest, tallest, widest, more incredible be anymore? ehhe but i loved the snow in lucerne(and the hot chocolate that came after!) and the sun glistening on the water in lugano. switzerland's absolutely magical. (and the guys are hot too, much hotter than the italians or french! ) hehe london was surprisingly nice too, i deduced that perhaps it's because their history of the monarchy and all is ongoing, current and the tradition carries on. ehhe that and perhaps cause their monarchy has a certain dashing prince... hehehe
anyways, dear Joanne tagged me just before i left for my hols and i've never been tagged in cyberspace before. so exciting!

Rule 1: List 5 weird or random things about yourself.

1. i dislike sneakers and jeans (though i do love my pair of Topshop jeans for petite ppl)
2. i'm alarmingly and shockingly short!
3. i'm an awful friend.
4. i like guys who are smartly dressed, in a proper shirt and tie, trenchcoats are nice! and a nice proper haircut on a guy deep in concentration is so hot! ;-)
5. i am really really insecure, i feel ugly and stupid most of the time.

Rule 2: 5 people whom I want to do the quiz (gosh, im not even sure who reads this...)

1. my baby brother
2. gracie! (to revive your blog!!)
3. hen (if u still read, dear...)
4. ei leen
5. lorraine loh

ok... reply to another tag, though im not sure if lionel meant sarah (Jane) or if he knows another sarah.

Three names you go by:
1. sarah-jane
2. girl
3. che

Three parts of your heritage:
1. i love the whole long story of my mom's side is filipino mixed such and such, and so on and so forth. (probably the only interesting thing about me! hehe)
2. my mother's temper(short and very very hot tempered), forgiving nature, and the ability to merajuk and get hurt over the smallest things!
3. oh and my name... i love my name...

Three things that scare you:
1. water (obviously large quantities of it la...)
2. losing my loved ones (so keep healthy k?)
3. being lonely, now and later in life...

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. email and msn!
2. my handphone
3. fruits (i eat a whole carton of grapes daily, if i can get my hands on one!)

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. my most comfortable white tank top i sleep in
2. the silver bracelet my cousins gave me for christmas
3. my medal of St Christopher

Three of your favorite songs or fictional Disney musical artists (at the moment):
1. you're beautiful by james blunt
2. sleeping beauty's "a dream is a wish"
3. kiss the girl, in little mermaid

Two truths and a lie (not in order):
1. i have a boyfriend
2. i'm really fascinated by the workings of an aeroplane
3. i like non-thinking-type movies and books!

Things about the opposite sex that appeal to you right now:
1. a good posture (a guy with good posture can make ANY type of clothing look hot!)
2. a sincere smile and engaging eyes
3. intelligent conversation!

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. pampering myself with hair masque, face mask, curlers, etc
2. nice long, warm showers
3. a nice cup of chamomile tea and a good book (or magazine!)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. hug my brother
2. gossip with my sister
3. have a chocolate ice blended in warm malaysia whilst not having to bundle and layer up!

Three places you want to go:
1. home
2. home
3. hmm... home la i think...

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. be beautiful! especially later in life
2. get a pilot's license
3. make my parents really proud

Three ways that you are stereotypically male/ female:
1. i like shopping...
2. I dont understand sports or how guys can forget everything while playing sports
3. i overanalyse every emotion and get moody very very easily

Three people you would like to see take this survey:
1. Daniel
2. Gracie
3. Sharon

that was fun!!! hehe i never knew there were parts of my personality that could answer those questions! now that i've started, i feel like i dowan to stop. hehe so
p/s i LOVE being manja-ed!

2nd Chinese New Year in Dublin

2006-01-30T21:01:00.000+08:00

The girls : kahlay, waiquen, me and limy

with abhi and wai quen

with lorraine, sharon and limy...

God loves me!

2006-01-26T18:08:00.000+08:00

Malaysia Creates Team to Track 'Bigfoot'
2 hours, 10 minutes ago
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A southern Malaysian state will appoint a team of scientists and experts to hunt for a "Bigfoot" beast after the reported sighting of three giant human-like creatures, officials said Thursday.

ADVERTISEMENT

Johor Chief Minister Abdul Ghani Othman said the state will form an official Bigfoot-tracking team in a serious bid to find evidence of such a beast following the reported sightings late last year in the Endau Rompin National Park forest.

"The mystery of Bigfoot's existence has attracted a lot of interest," he was quoted as saying by the Bernama national news agency. "We hope the expedition will be able to prove its existence."

Ghani's aide confirmed the report Thursday, saying state administrators decided to set up the team after a council meeting late Wednesday.

"Bigfoot" is a popular name given in the United States to giant hairy creatures walking on two legs. Sightings of such beasts have been reported in many parts of the world but their existence has never been proven.

Malaysian media have been gripped by Bigfoot fever since November 2005, when fish farm workers reported seeing three giant human-like hairy beasts at the edge of the Endau Rompin reserve. They also claimed to have seen a gigantic footprint which they photographed.

The photo was later printed by local newspapers.

Park officials have combed the site where the men claimed they saw the creatures, but found no physical evidence of their existence. However, they recorded more reports of sightings from Aborigine villagers who live on the park's fringes.

Tourism authorities are planning to capitalize on the sightings to attract visitors to Johor and the park. Wildlife officials said they may set up camera traps in the jungle to capture images of the creature.

---->can't believe they're actually serious about it. it's like we're making headlines for the wrong reasons. would probably make us laughingstocks of the world. amazing what people can do with funding... hehehehehe
on a side note(but a major note in my life), i've passed the first profs! the pass/fail list was out yesterday and those who kept me company online would know how stressed, nervous, anxious, tight-ropey i was esp at 0500 GMT. and the relief that followed was amazing. wanted to cry, wanted to laugh, wanted to party, but the tension was way too much for my body to take, and i was dead tired. :-) but i passed. it seems ludicrous that i'm getting all excited about a pass, before this it's been a given to pass. it's horribly disappointing, for myself, but only those who went through it and those who know the circumstances surrounding our exams would truly understand what an ordeal it was to live through, not so much the difficulty of the exam per se, rather the layout. oh well! :-) i survived! and i passed!
was feeling quite unworthy to be blessed by God, and also cause i went back home for Christmas when most ppl were studying like mad here. God really IS great. and He loves me oh-so-much. :-) i love you Jesus! or as my cousin says "i lap you long time"... hehe hugzzzz, world!

....You are one of a kind—designed to glorify God as only you can....

'Worst' Day of the Year...

2006-01-24T19:18:00.000+08:00

Dr. Cliff Arnall, a British psychologist, has developed a formula to determine the worst day of the year. One factor is the time elapsed since Christmas, when the holiday glow has given way to the reality of credit-card bills. Gloomy winter weather, short days, and the failure to keep New Year's resolutions are also a part of Dr. Arnall's calculations. Last year, January 24 received the dubious distinction of being "the most depressing day of the year.

picked that out of Our Daily Bread. hehe how very interesting... but anyways...
the dreaded and oh-so-hard-to-endure exams came and went... it was a gruelling 5 days, with blow after blow of 5 subjects in papers of 10 essays to write... gosh, it really drained a lot out of me, and at the end of it all, it's only worse cause i didnt feel a huge wave of relief wash over me, cause i dont think i did as well as i would have liked to considering how out of breath i am and how it drained and realyl tested my stamina... but the relief came in little tides that soothed my wounds... :-) and i feel so grateful that God got me through this. for now, for me, im not putting so much emphasis on my results (though i do so pray that i'd pass!!) but i feel i deserve the break that i'm on now, even if only by default of pulling through scathed but surviving! :-) didnt turn to the toxic effects of coffee, or alcohol, but i do so understand how med students can be on the verge of drugs, suicide and all...
oh well, praise the Lord! :-) i made it through... but im sooooo reeling from the effects of sleep deprivation and such...
well, here's to the 'worst' day of the year and a toast to the one exam that really made me, and is still making me, doubt myself...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

2006-01-19T13:19:00.000+08:00

Advantage 1: Secure lifestyle
An engineer boyfriend can provide you with a
secure lifestyle. At 27 years old, an engineer
probably has a respectable, stable job that
gives him a high income to own a car, invest,
have a comfortable life, and get married and buy
a house too. Law graduates are still working as
a lowly apprentice in a law firm, most
management graduates have just failed on their
first business plan, the arts graduate is still
looking for a job, and the medical school
graduate is still living in a hospital. ---

Advantage 2: Unmatchable industriousness
An engineer boyfriend will dedicate an
unimaginable amount of his time and effort to
understand you. Engineers strain really really
hard to understand their work. You can believe
that they will try really really hard to
understand women too, just like how they
understand their work, once they believe that
you are the one. So even if they don't
understand you initially, they will keep on
trying. Even if they still do not understand,
they will figure out the correct method to keep
you happy (e.g. buy diamond ring = 1 week's
worth of happiness.) And once they find out the
secret formula, they will just keep on repeating
it so that the desired results appear. Unlike
the Lawyer who will argue with you, the
Management graduate who will try to control your
spending, the Arts graduate who will 'change
major', and the medical school graduate who will
operate on you. And you know what, it's really
so easy to make engineers believe that you are
the 'one'. Say that you like one of their
projects and they will be hooked to you forever.-

Advantage 3:
An engineer boyfriend will never betray your
trust. Let me first tell you what is wrong with
the rest of the others - the lawyers will lie
about everything, management graduates will
cheat your money, the arts graduate will flirt,
and you probably just look like another cadaver
to the medical school graduate. Your engineer
boyfriend is either too busy to have an affair,
and even if he does, he is too dumb to lie to
you about that.

Hence, an engineer is the most secure boyfriend
that you will ever find - rich enough, will keep
on trying to understand and please you, has no
time for affairs, and too dumb to lie to you. So
girls, why procrastinate? Get an engineer for
your boyfriend

exams... :-)

2006-01-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

just an observation...
the dawn of exams brings with it two things :-
a). people started consuming more coffee which means escalated sales for Butlers
-this is pretty self-explanatory and most ppl are familiar with the stimulatory effect of caffeine

b). God takes a more central role in more lives
-i can't deny guilt over this... i like to think i think of God all the time even before this, but i cant honestly say i do...
but i guess ppl wanting to feel Jesus' presence is good, i only hope i can keep Him in my heart where He belongs...

Words from today's sermon;
Jesus would say "Don't doubt My love"
"Speak Lord Your servant is listening"
We need to find 'home' to find peace and faith, and Jesus' home is in us, just as we are in Him, and Jesus is in the Father and the Father in Jesus, thus our bodies indeed ARE the temple of the Holy Spirit... purity all the waaaaaay!

what do women really want?

2006-01-10T12:24:00.000+08:00

-Thanesh posted this on Friendster and it's by far one of the nicest ones i've read in a very very very long time...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned
by the
monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch
could have killed
him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals.
So, the monarch
offered him his freedom, as long as he could
answer a very
difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure
out the
answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer,
he would
be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most
knowledgeable man, and to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But,
since it was
better than death, he accepted the monarch's
proposition to have
an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll
everyone:
the princess, the priests, the wise men and even
the court
jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could
give him a
satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to
consult the
old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was
famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices
she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no
choice
but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the
question,
but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the
most
noble of the Knights of the Round Table and
Arthur's closest
friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was
hunchbacked and
hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like
sewerage, made obscene
noises, etc. He had never encountered such a
repugnant creature
in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and
endure
such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the
proposal,
spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice
compared to
Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round
Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch
answered
Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to
be in
charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the
witch
had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life
would be
spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted
Arthur
his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a
wonderful
wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot,
steeling
himself for a horrific experience, entered the
bedroom. But,
what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful
woman he had ever
seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded
Lancelot asked
what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind
to her
when she appeared as a witch, she would
henceforth, be her
horrible deformed self only half the time and the
beautiful
maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the
day....or
night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the
day, a
beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at
night, in the
privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he
prefer having
a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a
beautiful
woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate
moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make
YOUR choice
before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave
Arthur to his question, said that he would allow
HER to
make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would
be beautiful all the time because he had respected
her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now.... what is the moral of this story?

The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly!

horoscopes...

2006-01-07T10:01:00.000+08:00

don't usually read them, what more, believe in them... but my horoscope for today in friendster caught my eye (or maybe i was looking for something to attract my attention away from my studies!) so i decided to put it here, cause i think i know what my new year's resolution should be... to love my family as priority and to show it to them...!
so here it is, courtesy of friendster:

The Bottom Line
A sudden disdain for new places leads you to return to a long-forgotten favorite.

In Detail
A recent event has made it clear to you that you need to put your priorities in order -- on all levels. Emotionally speaking, of course, family, true friends and loved ones will necessarily take the number one spot in your heart -- and since you're prioritizing, spend some time with them and spoil them a bit, for absolutely no other reason than simply to let them know how much you care

NB: will blog about christmas later in the evening after im done with genetics!

dreams...

2005-11-14T10:08:00.000+08:00

or probably more accurately labelled nightmare in this instance...
Nal and i were logging onto this website to check our 'BTN Camp results'. well actually i was on the phone with Nal and i was accessing the website. the format of the downloaded page was pretty much like the notices RCSI uploads onto the internet for us to download, then read, pretty much like how our results are given... (the Biro Tatanegara Camp is a compulsory camp for government servants wanting a promotion and was a requirement for government scholars to be allowed to go overseas, as it supposedly instils patriotism in us, so on and so forth).
so before we could click to download, there was some notice that more than 2 people didnt pass the BTN test, so Nal started freaking out, and i did too, though i didnt show it, cause i remember at camp someone told us, no one had ever failed the test, except for this one odd soul... then i downloaded it and there were two columns. the first with all the ppl who passed and the second with all who didnt, and i saw that the 2nd one was of a considerable amount too. so nal asked me to check hers, and (oddly, it was 8 digit numbers with a '0' in front, very much like our RCSI student IDs) so Nal's number was indeed there. but i scanned for mine in the first column and it didnt seem to be there. i panicked and the sympathetic reaction started to kick in... so i scrolled to the 2nd column and my number was there. i felt my world slowly melt and ooze down on me,kinda like melting ice cream on a cone... i clicked on this link which was supposed to tell us what being in that column entails. it was in bullet-form, something along the lines that the score was final, no appeals would be entertained and that meant that we had our scholarships forfeited and JPA wasn't going to sponsor us overseas(all in Malay of course). i was dumbfounded. i kept trying to tell myself in the dream that maybe it was just a dream, but me in the dream was truly convinced it was reality. i didnt know whether to cry, or scream, or do what... i had no future... or i did, but it was bleak. i was not going to be a doctor, and since i was already in Dublin, i had to go home... i had never felt more hopeless than i did at that very moment.
Then thankfully, when i felt i was going to be able to feel what being dead was like, as in every dream that has us hanging at the edge of the string of life, i woke up!

possibly THE single most adorable thing alive on the face of the planet!

2005-11-07T10:18:00.000+08:00

complete update really soon when i get all the pictures...

2005-11-05T18:53:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia menusuk hati...

2005-10-31T21:17:00.000+08:00

As deepavali and Raya Aidilfitri roll around, i find i'm missing home a lot. the festivites scoops up every malaysian and one can't help but be swept away along with tide when we hear 'Suatu hari di hari raya...' or something like that... :-) Maybe it's growing up in Melawati. who knows... but i miss home, i miss my friends. i know i'd always always have my family with me, but friendships are so fragile, one moment it can withstand any storm, and the next, strangers in Dublin might be friendlier! So i'd like to take this chance to thank all my friends for putting up with me, since it's especially difficult to keep in touch with me when i'm known far and wide for FFK-ing. but thanks for making the effort to keep in touch, as stubborn as i am... Vitamin C - Graduation Song Lyrics
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
:-) i look back on my high school with fond memories only... college, there's a mixture, but mostly fondness. SO happy deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

Body found one minute away from Mercer Court and RCSI!!!

2005-10-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning and walked out of Mercer compound, and nothing seemed amiss. that is until, we crossed the road to Dunnes side, and noticed some Garda Vans. but that didnt strike me as being particularly odd... then at the junction where we turn left to get to college, there was a roughly square area that was taped off with the white-and-blue-words-GARDA crime scene tape. there was what looked like a dome or tent at one side, but other than that, i couldnt see anything. in class, Limy told me some bodies were found there, and on my way back, i didnt notice anything either. then after my nap, victor text-ed me and told me that a woman's body was found, supposedly murdered and he told me to be careful and to pray for protection. i collected this piece of news online, watched the evening news, but so far, nothing else is known... it's sooooooo near and the thing is, im so used to walking around alone, sometimes... luckily it's getting colder and colder, too cold to simply venture out...

Murder investigation launched after Dublin body-find
25/10/2005 - 13:06:38

Gardaí have said that they are now conducting a murder investigation following the discovery of a woman's body in Dublin city centre.

The grim find was made by passers-by on Mercer Street, near St Stephen's Green, just after 4am today.

The body was found wrapped in a sheet with a rope tied around it. The age and nationality of the woman is not known.

Forensic experts are at the scene and the State Pathologist, Dr Marie Cassidy, will carry out a post mortem later today.

From: Students Union Sent: Tue 10/25/2005 5:20 PM
To: Student List
Cc:
Subject: Safety around College & Mercer Library
Attachments:
View As Web Page
Hi all,

With the evenings getting darker as we approach winter, it is important to remind all students walking in the area around college and the Mercer library (and elsewhere in Dublin) to be vigilant, watch your belongings, keep to well-lit areas and, where possible, walk in groups.

While nothing may have happened to you or your friends in the past, incidents do happen, and by keeping an eye out for you and your fellow students, you can hopefully help prevent any further such incidents from occurring.

If you notice any suspicious activity, please report it to security as soon as possible,

Regards,

The SU

paary posted this in friendster...

2005-10-25T08:37:00.000+08:00

now, confirm, i wanna go home in february!
Best place to eat in KL

1. CHOW KOAY TIEW - Jalan Imbi : the corner
restaurant which is on the
same row with Sakura, and opposite of Honda
Kah Motor.

2. WANTAN MEE/KARI MEE - End of old Subang
airport road, in the Subang
New
Village Town Centre.

3. TAPIOCA NOODLES& VEGETABLES - Old
Klang Road : a shack which is
nestled
behind a chinese primary school, after the market
and the post office
(which would be on your left).

4. KARI MEE (LEMAK) - SS1, PJ : Alisan
Restaurant (2nd shop from
corner),
facing the Lorenzo Furniture Shop.

5. ROAST DUCK RICE - Seapark : Sunrise Coffee
Shop

6. PRAWN MEE/KARIMEE/CHEE CHEONG
FUN - Seapark: Coffee Shop near old
Paramount Thea! tre.

7. CHICKEN RICE - Seapark: Coffee Shop
opposite Seapark Market, run by
2
ladies whose husbands have since died.

8. FISH HEAD BEE HOON - Jln Gasing, PJ.
Seng Kee Restaurant, in row of
shops behind Lotus Restaurant.

9. MISCELLANEOUS - SS24 Tmn Megah: take
the LDP and exit left after
the
Kelana Jaya LRT Station (towards"SS24").A
hawker centre with over 70
hawker stalls (!!) allserving different dishes, no
duplicates (!!),
which
boast the best of each kind in town (!!) not too
difficult to locate.

10. YONG TAU FU - Ampang New Town/Ampang
Village (there are 3 shops,
so
have your pick)

11. PAN MEE - Along Jalan Tuanku Abdul
Rahman behind KahMotors.

12. HOKKIEN MEE - Petaling Street opposite
Hong Leong Bank

13. CHAR SIEW RICE - Jalan Tung Shin

14. NASI KANDAR - Kayu Nasi Kandar
Restaurant in Taipan, Subang with a
branch in SS2 a coffee shop formerly known as
Cheow Yang

15. Teh Tarak & roti - Taman Desa next to the
water tank

16. If money is not an issue - Madam Kwan (Nasi
Lemak & curry fish
head)

17. Little Penang (chow Koay Tiew & Prawnmee)

18. Bak kut teh - Jalan Imbi behind hong leong
bank

19. Satay - Naan Corner in Ampang, in between
International School and
RSPCA, called Nur Satay.

20. Banana Leaf - Kannas in SS2, behind Lisa De
Inn hotel

21. Nasi Lemak - Suzi corner, next to Ampang
city (used to be called
Kerris)

22. Won Ton Mien/Char Siew - Jln Sungai Besi;
on the way to PLUS. Only
open at 7pm-2am, a car repair shop by day.

23. Beef Brisket noodles - Tengkat Tong Shin;
runs parallel to Jalan
Alor.Stall near the beginning of the road. Open at
night till late.

24. Char Siew/Chicken rice - Tengkat Tong Shin;
further up the road.
Old
prewar shop house. This has to be the drop dead
unhealthiest piece of
anything you can insert in your mouth in KL? but
to die for. Chicken
is
strictly as filler to make sure you don't get a heart
attack
overdosing on
char siew.

25. Fish balls - Tengkat Tong Shin; a little further
up the road from
char
siew. Stall inside a coffee shop. This guy is good,
look at the amount
of
people he employs to helpout!

26. Hokkien mee (KL style -thick, black, yummy
(sounds kinky))
Petaling
Street; at the intersection opposite Hong Leong
Bank. Full of porcine
goodness. Still the gold standard of Hokkien mee.

27. Seafood noodles - Segambut; near Auto
Bavaria. A big bowl full of
noodles and assorted mussels, prawns, cuttlefish,
fish etc. for
reasonable
price. Pick of soup, clear, tom yam, curry. Forget
the rest, or for
the
curry. Soya bean with cincau not bad. Avoid on
Sunday mornings.You
will
wait for an hour. Fried Chicken Rice (only on
Weds and Sat)!! There
is a
branch now open in SS2 Chow Yang, called
Restoran Yu Ai with yellow
sign
board, just a few doors away from Kayu Nasi
Kandar.

28. Ploughman's Lunch ? Finnegan's Seri
Hartamas. A big plate filled
with
a pot of pate, slices of ham, pickle, onion, chunks
of cheese, a slab
of
butter, 4 hunks of bread. If you are EXTREMELY
hungry, this one's for
you.

29. Chef's salad - Flagz; behind Souled Out. This
salad is as all
salads
should be - crunchy FRESH veggies, and the
dressing is to die for.
Easily
the best salad in town. And I don't even like salad.
Beer is the
freshest
in town too, great bite.

30. Hokkien Mee (Penang style otherwise known
as Prawn noodles)
Champ's;
Jalan Telawi 3, Bangsar Baru. Standard gone
down somewhat recently,
but
still head and shoulders above all others in KL.

You'll have to go to Penang to beat this.
31. Char Kway Teow Bukit Damansara; behind
Hock Lee supermarket, next
to
Shell. Corner stall inside coffee shop. Best in KL.
The fellow has
been
frying for longer than I can recall, and he is so
good that you may
have
to wait up to 45 minutes during lunchtime. Doesn't
use too much oil
almost
perfect. As above, you'll have to go to Penang to
beat this. Other
stalls
in the same shop not bad.

32. Chicken rice Jalan Gasing; very close to the
Federal Highway, same
row
as Southern Bank 2 shops one in the middle, one
in the corner. Can't
decide which is superior, but both are very good.
Middle one has Ipoh
taugeh.

33. Bak Kut Teh Klang, just about anywhere.
Hokkien Association off
the
main highway leading to the heart of Klang is a
good place to start
for
beginners.

34. Dim Sum ? Marriott Hotel. Chinese restaurant
here serves northern
China style dim sum. Easily best dim sum in
town. A little pricey.

35. Fish head off Jalan Sungai Besi; just past
Won Ton Mien, turn left
right after BP. Three shops clumped together. All
look dilapidated but
don't worry. Don't know what type of fish they get
their heads from,
but I
suspect fresh water fish. Hot sauce fish head to
die for. Extremely
reasonable prices.

36. Bak Kut Teh Segambut; go past Auto Bavaria,
follow road all the
way
until you see a Chinese temple on your left. Enter
the temple
courtyard
and
you will see a tin shack where they serve bak kut
teh. Not quite up
there
with Klang, but nothing to sneeze at. Go for yam
rice rather than
white
rice. Fried Chicken Rice (only on Weds and Sat)!!

37. Nasi Kandar/Kerabu/Laut Taman Tun; the
other end of Secret Recipe
in a
store on the same block, usually with a van
outside. Truly Kelantanese
style. Only in the morning though.

38. Seafood ? Pulau Carey; get to Jalan Banting
and follow signs to
Pulau
Carey. Place called Kang Guan, just before the
actual bridge onto the
island. Cheap!

39. Nasi Lemak TangLin at Lake Gardens, near
the Clinic/Hospital. Only
open when government depts open.

40. Chicken rice - Bing Restaurant in Sri Rampai.
Wait till you drop
to
eat the chicken rice. Worth it

your system. Thank you

what foul???

2005-10-23T21:43:00.000+08:00

This article was published in the NST on Gracie's supposed living conditions in India. what a load of c***! I don't blame Gracie for being outraged, cause actually, i am too! but the more i read, the more ridiculous it sounds...

Fifty Malaysian students studying medicine in India want to be transferred out immediately. The reason: They claim the teaching and living conditions at the Kasturba Medical College in Mangalore are "unbearable".
They also say they are being treated like children. Any student found not paying attention is asked to stand on the bench.

The students, who are Public Service Department scholarship holders, claim the facilities at the college do not meet international standards and that the PSD has been short- changed.

Another complaint of the students, who registered at the college in August, is that lecturers are conservative in their teaching approach (see graphics).

They sent a memorandum to Higher Education Minister Datuk Shafie Salleh on Oct 13 spelling out their grouses and asking that they be immediately moved to medical colleges in Britain or other countries, or be allowed to do twinning programmes in Malaysia.

Noor Hazin Mohd Zain, the father of one of the students, who visited the college recently, said today the students' meal was rice and gravy for which the PSD paid the college RM120 monthly per student.

If the students wanted meat or fish, they had to pay extra, he added.

He said the female students' hostel was initially located above a mortuary and that the doctors-in-the-making found the stench unbearable.

After complaining for two months, and with the intervention of the PSD, they were moved to air-conditioned rooms a few blocks away.

However, he claimed, the accommodation rate was increased by the college authorities. Noor Hazin claimed the classrooms were too big and students sitting at the back of the classroom could not hear the lecturers who did not use microphones. Some 300 students were in each classroom, he said.

The PSD spends between RM300,000 and RM500,000 on each student for five years. The 50 students are among Ma- laysia's top A-level students. This is the first time Malaysian students have been sent there by the PSD.

Another parent, A. Aziz Maarof, claimed chalk and blackboards were still being used in the classrooms.

"We are in an era where whiteboards are widely used even in primary and secondary schools. We have done away with chalk because it causes health problems."

The parents have sent an appeal to the PSD on behalf of their children.

Aziz said some of the parents met Shafie on Oct 4 and were waiting for action to be taken.

Meanwhile, a PSD spokesman said a team of PSD officers visited the college last month and had attended to some of the problems raised by the students, including being given better rooms.

He said PSD officers did not visit the college before sending the students there.

He said the college had promised to look into the food being provided to the students.

"We pay the students a living allowance which they can use to buy food," he said, adding that the students would not be transferred to another college.

------> well, the only issue that would cause alarm would be the standing on benches part, and also if they're really fed only rice and gravy. the benches part make it sound as if my darling sister is studying in an isolated African dessert with a 'classroom' so huge it can fit 300 ppl. of course, most modern lecture theatres do fit in that amount. and Gracie said that a lot of the local indians are vegetarians so naturally, it would make sense to charge a minimal fee for those wanting to eat poultry and fish. NATURALLY... they cant be making them all pay the same amount and get such different food... then the issue about the supposed 'mortuary' in the basement of the hostel... that's a dissection room, dear people... that would make visits to the dissection room to brush up on anatomy super convenient, and in real hospitals, dont the doctors stay in hostel which are at close proximity to REAL mortuaries? minus the chemicals to preserve the bodies too... and bodies of ppl who could have gone tragically etc... (if the issue they're arresting is ghosts la...) blackboards? gracie said most lectures are taught via power point and occasionally, they use the blackboard, which, by the way, as unhealthy as it is, even RCSI uses! and 'conservative' teaching methods? some institutions are proud to be maintaining the TRADITIONAL way of teaching... all these grievances... are they trying to say the indian students who study and pass out from there, are of sub-standard? a medical institution that has been in existence longer than any private medical institutions in malaysia, and even some international ones, isn't equipped to teach medicine in the full sense required? something tells me, these ppl just want to wormily wriggle their way to the supposedly 'better' universities of the west. actually, this message screams out at me when i read the part abt sending them to the UK or twinning. i'm really proud that my sister is fitting in well, and is gearing for the upcoming exams which seem to have slipped these ppl's minds, or maybe they're just trying to get out of it. So proud of you, gracie, that you're making full use of the opportunity to study,make the best of being there and absorb knowledge from the experience the lecturers share... i'm also happy my sister is above being so spoilt, and is the tough Gracie i know and love! will always be here for you, darling sister... anytime...

got up early this morning cause laysan borrowed my phone and i couldnt fall back to sleep. gosh, i feel sooo disorientated (or is it disoriented?)... :-) like im missing a limb, or part of my brain! but i took the chance to go to church early and receive the Sacrament of Confession. havent been at peace much the past few weeks... but am feeling so much better. hope i can stay as long as possible in this state of sanctifying grace and wear this Brown Scapular of mine... my migraine's miraculously gone, actually...

Datin Seri Endon Mahmood breathes her last...

2005-10-20T19:41:00.000+08:00

i logged on after a really productive morning of early Anatomy class and a stint at the gym! ;-) then i read Glen's post on yahoogroups and he casually mentioned in passing abt the demise of Datin Seri Endon Mahmood at 7.55 am (GMT +8.00) today. i was struck and soooo shocked. i always remembered Datin Seri Endon as the loving wife of the PM and they were very demonstrative of their feelings, kissing each other on the cheeks, holding hands, gazing lovingly at each other... Love captured by the camera... :-) then i used to admire her strength in facing Breast cancer. newspapers used to mention her receiving treatment in the States and occasionally publish pictures of the PM welcoming her home at the airport... i never fathom it was so serious, then apparently, based on what i've read this morning, she went to LA for treatment then returned home to spend Raya with her family, but she was hospitalised in Putrajaya Hospital, and she went home and died with all her beloved family members present. i may be very insignificant to her and have not even met her, but my heart goes out to her family, esp Pak Lah and her daughter for losing a wife and mother respectively. also to her grandchildren... Pak Lah also just lost his mother some time last year, and according to one newspaper report he told Datin Seri Endon that he lost his mom and he didn't wanna lose her... :'( i couldnt stop the few trickles of tears that fell when i learned of her news. if this is the reaction of someone who has never met her, imagine how her family must be feeling...
here's to a truly wonderful, gracious, truly beautiful First Lady.
Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul rest in peace.

Tun Dr Siti Hasmah Mohd Ali called on all parties to pray for Endon to be blessed and placed among the loyal and obedient.

Pictures...

2005-10-18T05:59:00.001+08:00

Limy's Birthday (13/10/2005)

Datuk Dr. Chua Soi Lek's visit

p/s i saw the chun Jesuit priest in church again! :-)

My Room...

2005-10-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

will upload pics from the health minister's talk and limy's birthday when i get them from terry...

handsome violinist, gorgeous Jesuit priest, my blue baju kurung and fruits...

2005-10-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

Godma flew with me to Dublin on the 30th of Sept 2005. we flew business class to heathrow! hehe Godma's friend Umi's husband arranged with the pilot, so the pilot recognized Godma and actually knew my name! :-) Then the head steward arranged for the business class experience. it was amazing! the reclining-to-almost horizontal seat is more comfortable than my own bed, i reckon! :-) and can ask for orange juice (which they refill soooo many times), chamomile tea(i have this sudden inclination and obsession with this tea, thanks to Mummy's influence!), champagne(i didnt!) etc. but the food portions are so western, kinda like how they had at our RCSI ball last year, exotic cuisine, nicely arranged etc, but oh-so-small portions! :-) Godma made friends with some guy from Glaxo or something... hehe
then while transitting in heathrow, i was alone in the bus to terminal one cause godma had to check out. i took godma's carry-on luggage cause i felt Godma already had to take Godma's check-in luggage. then when we parted only i realised that i was going to have a problem when passing thru the checkpoint with two cabin luggages, my laptop bag and my backpack. so i while i was worrying all the way to the gate (i remembered how strict and unfriendly they were to us last year), i sat opposite this really handsome Filipino guy. then he took out his handphone-with-camera, lifted it to eye level in front of me and proceeded to snap my picture! hehe
i didnt know what to do, but i didnt smile la.. too dumbstruck. so i posed (being me)hehe but didnt smile. then when we queued up at the checkpoint, the guys were behind me. then the fella who took my picture did the nicest thing... when i lifted my own cabin luggage, he lifted Godma's bag for me.. so the lady presumed it was his, cause he was carrying only a backpack... i could have hugged him, if i didnt need to pass thru the x-ray thing... then he lifted it down for me too, saying 'it looks really heavy'... :-) i rushed to get my boarding pass at the BMI gate, while he waited for his friends. then he took british airways. so that was the last i saw of the handsome good samaritan! hehe then i met durga, linda and linda's future sis-in-law, tina at the lounge. then godma also joined us.
reached dublin, met my frens who were welcoming the juniors at the airport... then met all my friends back at mercer...
will put an abbreviated version here cause my last post went puff!
-unpacked my stuff, then knocked out early
-went for breakfast downstairs in millin basement, went to church with Godma, went shopping with bazlin and nal, saw the chun violinist with grey eyes, shopped, met abhi for dinner with pmcsa and my new housemate, sunisha in Moore street, knocked out again...
-sent godma to the airport on monday, classes like mad on tuesday, registration on wednesday, classes classes
-went to the market for fish and fruits on saturday morning. there's this lovely irish market that sells homemade chocolates, then picked godma up from the airport...
-went to church with Godma and saw this super gorgeous Jesuit priest who gave us communion(godma and i were kneeling down at the altar, then when we looked up, this priest with brown eyes and a nice goatee was giving communion!!! by far the handsomest irishman i've seen), then we met wan jean and andrew yap for lunch, then shopped for souvenirs in dublin one and grafton
-had class on monday, but we also had a farewell dinner for godma in verona's... :-) was really fun dressing up... miss having godma around. godma got me two scarves and a nice fruit bowl... ehhe and Godma also got me hooked on DKNY's be delicious! miss godma soooo much!
-godma left on tuesday morning at 4am... had class whole tuesday. wednesday we werent suppsoed to have class, but buckley forgot our 12pm class on tuesday, so..... after class, lay san and i shopped for limy's bday present.. a nice pants-pyjama suit.. and earrings! :-) i ate half a marks and spencer cookie! hehe half! then at night, a whole bunch of us crept up to terry's place to surprise limy...
-had class and dissection in the morning, then i went to photostate the monkhouse cranial nerves book. an original book is 35 euros and i paid around 5 only! but the downside was that i had to flip the pages by myself cause apparent the irish ppl dont photostate books. gosh, the TAR college ppl wud put them to shame! :-) then abhi and i went to do our immigration application at 5pm cause they reissued tickets at 5pm. we reached at 5.10 and was done by 5.40! soooooo happpiiieeeee then abhi and i went shopping at reads (i bought a magazine that gave a free top! turquoise!), and marks and spencer (so proud cause i didnt buy any cookies!though the smell was killing me!)...
-friday was interesting. had class from 10.30 till 4, then at 5.30 we had to meet the health minister of malaysia, datuk dr chua soi lek! i wore my blue baju kurung. hehe it started late, but we were late also, so had to contend with front row seats. and as it turns out, the VIPs were put to sit in the aisle beside me! ehhe lucas asked me to help pour water for them at one point... so i was on stage hehe but i was in my blue baju kurung, so i didnt mind doing anything also! hehe when the minister left, he actually put his hand out to shake mine! there was food after that, but pmcsa underestimated the number of ppl, so most of us non-muslims let the fasting muslims have the food.
-got up this morning, tried a little studying but felt this urge to go to the gym. ehhe so i did my 100 star jumps and headed to the gym for a half hour workout. now im back and i've put a face masque on. :-) waiting for it to harden...
-ei leen helped me research that fruits are indeed very healthy and good and can help one lose weight! hehe and no evidence that the sugars in it makes ppl fat. hehe i've been eating a lot of fruits, grapes are really cheap here, plums, pears, strawberries...
-i've cooked for most of the days i've been here.. and only ONCE using the perencah! ehhe soooooo happy!
-oh thanks to joanne who's accompanying me online.. ehhe i was so frustrated when i lost my entire post, but ur right, girl, patience IS indeed a virtue...

*things have really changed this semester... everyone has their own agenda. most of them have paired off, i spend most of my time with nal, but nal studies a lot on her own also, and han, who's married to the pool table. but other than that, im mostly alone. luckily i did up my room properly and it's a comfortable retreat... im sure Jesus will show me along the way that this is for some good, but i cant seem to fathom for now. i love having ppl around me, and it's so sad... oh well... :-) it's a good thing i have my 7 bears, snoopy, mummy who calls me every day, my family, and of course, God... i guess i have to learn to be independent... thats the whole point of coming overseas anyways ya?

"Therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes" - Luke 12:22:23

i don't wanna leave...

2005-09-29T03:25:00.000+08:00

last year, i set foot past the gates at the airport with excitement and uncertainty, eventhough i was sad to leave everyone at home... i feared, yet anticipated what awaited me. i was geared and gamed for a challenge to fit in...
but this time ---->im crying when i shouldnt be now... im dreading my return to dublin... my heart is so heavy... i know what awaits me, i know my room, i know my college, i know the weather, i know where dunnes is, where to buy what, where to eat... yet, none of it excites me, and im not looking forward to anything. not the MnS cookies, not the icecream, not the park... N-O-T-H-I-N-G... i really don't wanna go back... i guess i also know what i'm leaving behind. my darling mummy and daddy, my baby brother, my sister all the way in india... my home. i really dont wanna leave. i want to plead to please not make me go, but i know not to whom i should direct my plea. i made this life choice, but im afraid im losing focus and sight of what it is. now, for the life of me, i can't fathom why i would want to go halfway across the world and leave my comfort, my home, my love at home... im afraid of what awaits me there. i'm not alone here, but i fear i will be there. who will i run to when im in need of care? who will provide comfort without even needing to know i need it? i really really dont wanna go... i dont even know why i'm crying now...
i know that i don't want to quit my studies. it isnt my studies that im afraid of. it has nothing to do with that. it's the living that im dreading. i don't know if it's fear or just sadness that's ovecoming me, i only know im dreading going back... my heart is so heavy...
"Be not afraid I go before you always, come follow Me and i will give you rest..."
My prayer tonight---> Jesus, i can only hope that i'm doing Your will and hope that this is the truth. Because given that it is, then please help me use this knowledge to drive me and lighten my burden, dread and my heart today. Use me, let me be Your instrument. Shine through me, Jesus. Please give me strength and Your grace. Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, hear my plea and i place all my trust in You. Holy Spirit, fill my soul with the joy of God's grace and forgiveness... i make this prayer through Jesus Christ My Lord. Amen.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:19

2005-09-27T03:29:00.000+08:00

i have been alloting my nocturnal hours to completing my summer project... i sleep pretty late, arise pretty late too, and sometimes even spend my evenings sleeping! :-) but over the weekend it's kinda hard and i worked so hard last week that i let myself rest on the Sabbath. the rest never felt better... :-) it felt truly-deserved, the aches, the pain, the toils, the sacrificed online chatting time... :-) so sunday, we went to church, then had a nice dinner in nando's and devoured their nice hot chicken and gulped down the oh-so-delicious sparkling apple juice... d-i-v-i-n-e...
*but it's times like this that i especially miss my darling sister... lots of love to you, gracie... missing you sooooooo much...
on a brighter note... hehe i completed writing my project, as in putting all the stuff i wanted in the literature overview and it amounted to around 2900+, slightly exceeding the 2500 limit. so i was dreading the editing, and put it off till a few hours ago... there was one part which i did while i was really sleepy, so i polished it. and recounted the words... and edited some other parts... grand total (including the subtopic words)= 2584
subtopic words = 84
which gives me a miraculous total of exactly 2500 words!!! i was elated, overjoyed and oh-so-thankful to God. only God could have pulled such a miracle for me... :-) and the above phrase kept coming back to me over and over again... *sigh of contentment... God loves me and hasnt forgotten me... can't hide that it did occur to me last weekend. while i am where i am because of His blessings (He gave me results i could earn a scholarship with, then the scholarship itself, entry into the right med school, results to meet JPA and the uni cut-off points) and here i am today. but looking at my friends who are blessed with love of a bf/gf, i can't help wonder how is it that i am without one now? there doesnt seem to be anyone for me now... did God perhaps forget me? i kept telling myself that that wouldnt happen... but Satan's power to cast doubts is too powerful at times for me to resist. but today's blessing and today's miracle cast that doubt aside and away from me, to the deepest pits of hell where it belongs!
i love You, Jesus. i'm sorry for ever doubting You... Thank You, Lord for blessing me abundantly, and once more again today... i love You with all my heart...

Summer 2005 is coming to an end...

2005-09-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

my summer hols are petering to an end and i'm confined to my room finishing my project. hehe

--->there was this freaky fella whom my parents befriended in the KCP pool abt two weeks ago, and wanting to echo my parents' sentiment, i was friendly when he started talking to me, then he asked if he could have my phone number. he's 27 by the way and a former Melawatian. so i conceded but not too much and just gave him my hotmail add. i was so willing to be friends, until he actually came online. he chatted with me for only 10 mins, but managed to beg me for my phone number and to meet him in that 10 mins. eeeeeeeee yuck! i was totally turned off, freaked out and yuck-ed out that i said bye, logged off and appeared offline, before blocking him. then today, since it was so hot, i decided to risk it and go swimming. i was praying hard that he wouldnt be there, but alas, God didnt wanna spoil me. so as i kicked off for my first half-lap, i hoped he wont notice me, or even if he did, i hoped he'd be respectful enough not to call out to me while i was swimming my laps. but he stopped mid-swim, right in the middle of the pool and shouted my name, twice! i touched my feet to the floor of the pool and pulled my sour-est, gracie-look and scowled as best as i could. i retreated to the edge of the pool and scolded him for disturbing me while i was swimming. as i kicked off again, my mom explained to him that i didnt like being disturbed while i was concentrating. i swam without stopping for as long as i could, but he parked himself in a chair right at my lap and watched. it was so freaky and repulsive. then when dan and i came out of the pool, he was beside mummy and daddy, and i saw him turn to look to me out of the corner of my eye, but i ignored him. i sure hope he gets the message. not to be mean, but freaks freak me out... blech... and i dont even feel bad for being so mean...